you know, you know I love you so.

[lethalperfction]

I hate myself more than I have ever hated anything.
I want the grace of his skin, his lips, his eyes, his hands, his stomach, his chest, his hair, his voice.
I want to deserve his time.
I want him to give me a chance to pour my heart out to him.
I want to sob at his feet and beg and plead for forgiveness.
I want to make him laugh and feel carefree.
I want to make him grilled cheese sandwiches.
I want to lay my head on his chest and fall asleep to his heartbeat.
I want to swing in the hammock with him.
I want to talk about sex with him while sitting on ottomans in department stores.
I want to bring him vanilla bean fraps just because.
I want to kiss him in the rain.
I want to sit on the kitchen floor with my head on his shoulder and listen to Youth Group and MCS.
I want to get into water fights that end up with him on top of me.
I want to listen to him play Bright Eyes songs on his guitar.
I want to draw him cute pictures.
I want to take naps with him after school.
I want to sing Yellow by Coldplay to him.
I want to whisper just how much he means to me into his ear.
I want to tell him I love him.

Ergh I lied. I don't want that. I need that.