The Art Of Saying Goodbye
Originally posted by lethallycute at The Art Of Saying Goodbye
Title: The Art Of Saying Goodbye
Pairing: GRi, BaeRi
Word Count: 1,237
Rating: R? Maybe NC-17
Summary: Seungri is noticing a change...a horrible change in his relationship with Ji. The closer he tries to get, the further Ji pushes him away. With secrets and lies, the couple is stuck on a downward spiral of depression, tears, and hatred. They say the truth will set you free....who knows how much that applies here.
A/N: Posted this before like a month ago in the bigbang fanfic community. Because I was so nervous I didn't even post it on my own page. And now I can post it in the new community Martina created. Oh joy!! :)
It’s been a year since the last time you said I love you. A few months since you wrapped your arms around me and pulled me close. A couple of weeks since you looked at me with those bright eyes I fell for. Fourteen days ago was the last time your lips touched mine.
You stared at me with pained eyes and grabbed my face. I didn’t struggle against your touch. Although it was forceful, in my mind, it only seemed gentle. Every second spent smashed against your lips burned through my skin; from my face, like a fire, all the way to my fingertips. The urgency yet thoughtfulness in your movements made the hairs on my neck stand up. You pulled away, breathing hard, with a look of apology and desperation etched onto your smooth face. I didn’t know what to make of it. I stood, confused, watching you open and close your mouth, as if your thoughts were too scattered to be voiced at one time. Then you spoke, glancing at everything else, but me.
"Ri, I......nevermind."
Why won’t you just say it? You know I wouldn’t force you. I see it in your eyes. Something is bothering you….bothering us….breaking us apart. The way you distance yourself from me; I can’t take it. Kwon Ji Yong. You are my world. And now, my world is crumbling right before my eyes.
I can’t help the feeling that you’re hiding something…..something from me. Every smile is forced and even your laughter is strained. Lately, you rarely grace me with your presence; even still, after you’ve had enough with small talk, you walk away to your room and never look back. I can’t help but to follow you. It’s my natural instinct. I need to be close to you. I need your presence for me to feel whole, but your distance has me on the verge of emptiness. I feel hollow, Ji. Even though I spoke softly, the dead silence throughout the dorm made my voice seem louder than intended.
"Hyung...are you ok?"
"Yeah maknae…..why do you ask?"
You called me maknae.
Not Ri.
Maknae is reserved for when I mess up badly. When I miss a dance step and you turn into the fearless leader G-Dragon who has to stress his age difference while scolding me. All too quickly you answered my question. You didn’t even look at me. I can see you slowly slipping through my fingers and I don’t believe there’s anything I can do to stop it. It’s like you’re standing on the edge, and I’m trying to run and catch you, but the more I run, the farther you seem to be. It felt like the room was on mute. No sound was made between the two of us. Just the loud, overbearing silence that always seems to loom over me whenever I am in your presence. I blinked over and over again to make sure I was seeing this clearly. Opening and closing cabinet doors. You were reading the label of anything you could find. Making your way from one corner of the kitchen to the next. Not once looking in my direction or even acknowledging the fact that I was even alive in the same room with you. It was so obvious. You were ignoring me. As I watched in amazement, Young Bae appeared from his bedroom across the hall. He stopped and looked as if he had stepped into the middle of an awkward conversation. I looked between the two of you. Your back, and Young Bae’s puzzled face. I decided to seize the moment for what it was worth. They were best friends right? Maybe he could help me out…or atleast tell me what I was dying to know.
"Young Bae-hyung, what’s going on with Ji Yong-hyung?"
"Urr...um...well…I don’t think…he could be…"
I noticed your back stiffen at his response.
“Is he hiding something from me? Did he tell you not to tell me?”
Young Bae’s eyes widened at my question. His focus seemed to shift between me and you, who turned to face him.
"...Seungri...you should to talk to him”, is all Young Bae says. He hurries away from me and quickly closes the door to his room. Did I see guilt on his face? I’m so confused! What is going on here? I turned to ask you again but you’re staring at the floor, little droplets falling from your face onto the hardwood. Tears? Are you crying? What did I do? "Hyung, why are you crying?"
You jump up, dashing off to your room. The slam of the door startled me and caused me to jump. What is going on! Why won’t you talk to me? I walked to your room and leaned on your door, hoping just maybe that you would open it up and invite me in. It never happened. Minutes passed...nothing.
*Knock*
...Nothing.
*Knock* *Knock* "Hyung..."
Still nothing.
My legs feel weak and my heart pounds in my chest. You've never ignored me hyung, never. Why are you not answering me? I feel like my world is cracking around me. Any second now I could fall through the floor, with no one to catch me. Not a safety net or even a soft pillow to land on. I’m now alone, and scared, with no revelation as to what is happening around me. My legs finally give away but I don't hit the ground like I should. I’m not really sure how I got in my room or exactly how long I sat on my bed staring blankly at the wall before curling up in my covers. My bed feels so lonely without you.Tears seem to keep coming when you aren't there to catch them, Ji. I feel like I’m breaking into pieces. There is nothing I can do to stop this pain that’s crept its way into my chest. I’m shaking again. My chest heaves up and down before more tear stains grace their way onto my pillow.
"....please...hyung..."
I whisper to myself. You can't hear me. You’re too far away.
* * * * *
YOUNGBAE
I can hear you crying in your room, Ri.
Aish! Why did I agree to this? It’s hurting you, I know. Why did Ji have to make me promise not to tell? Can’t he see how miserable you’ve become? He's causing you pain...and so am I. I hate this. I should be protecting you. I should be the one to make you happy. Not him. This is all too much. My secret attraction to my friend. The boyfriend of my best friend. The small tinge of hatred I have for both him and myself for participating in the obvious breakdown of such a delicate boy...my Ri...hurting you is the last thing I want do. Maybe talking to you could help? But what if you don’t feel like talking? I could tell you the truth...but that isn’t my place. That’s his job. No matter how much I want to tell you, it’s not my secret to tell. Not my decision to make. I didn’t know how long I had been holding my breath with my fist held upward in many attempts to knock on your door; to let my presence be known to you. In the end, I let out a staggered breath and retreated to my own room, guilt overtaking me.
I should have told you earlier.
Title: The Art Of Saying Goodbye
Pairing: GRi, BaeRi
Word Count: 1,237
Rating: R? Maybe NC-17
Summary: Seungri is noticing a change...a horrible change in his relationship with Ji. The closer he tries to get, the further Ji pushes him away. With secrets and lies, the couple is stuck on a downward spiral of depression, tears, and hatred. They say the truth will set you free....who knows how much that applies here.
A/N: Posted this before like a month ago in the bigbang fanfic community. Because I was so nervous I didn't even post it on my own page. And now I can post it in the new community Martina created. Oh joy!! :)
It’s been a year since the last time you said I love you. A few months since you wrapped your arms around me and pulled me close. A couple of weeks since you looked at me with those bright eyes I fell for. Fourteen days ago was the last time your lips touched mine.
You stared at me with pained eyes and grabbed my face. I didn’t struggle against your touch. Although it was forceful, in my mind, it only seemed gentle. Every second spent smashed against your lips burned through my skin; from my face, like a fire, all the way to my fingertips. The urgency yet thoughtfulness in your movements made the hairs on my neck stand up. You pulled away, breathing hard, with a look of apology and desperation etched onto your smooth face. I didn’t know what to make of it. I stood, confused, watching you open and close your mouth, as if your thoughts were too scattered to be voiced at one time. Then you spoke, glancing at everything else, but me.
"Ri, I......nevermind."
Why won’t you just say it? You know I wouldn’t force you. I see it in your eyes. Something is bothering you….bothering us….breaking us apart. The way you distance yourself from me; I can’t take it. Kwon Ji Yong. You are my world. And now, my world is crumbling right before my eyes.
I can’t help the feeling that you’re hiding something…..something from me. Every smile is forced and even your laughter is strained. Lately, you rarely grace me with your presence; even still, after you’ve had enough with small talk, you walk away to your room and never look back. I can’t help but to follow you. It’s my natural instinct. I need to be close to you. I need your presence for me to feel whole, but your distance has me on the verge of emptiness. I feel hollow, Ji. Even though I spoke softly, the dead silence throughout the dorm made my voice seem louder than intended.
"Hyung...are you ok?"
"Yeah maknae…..why do you ask?"
You called me maknae.
Not Ri.
Maknae is reserved for when I mess up badly. When I miss a dance step and you turn into the fearless leader G-Dragon who has to stress his age difference while scolding me. All too quickly you answered my question. You didn’t even look at me. I can see you slowly slipping through my fingers and I don’t believe there’s anything I can do to stop it. It’s like you’re standing on the edge, and I’m trying to run and catch you, but the more I run, the farther you seem to be. It felt like the room was on mute. No sound was made between the two of us. Just the loud, overbearing silence that always seems to loom over me whenever I am in your presence. I blinked over and over again to make sure I was seeing this clearly. Opening and closing cabinet doors. You were reading the label of anything you could find. Making your way from one corner of the kitchen to the next. Not once looking in my direction or even acknowledging the fact that I was even alive in the same room with you. It was so obvious. You were ignoring me. As I watched in amazement, Young Bae appeared from his bedroom across the hall. He stopped and looked as if he had stepped into the middle of an awkward conversation. I looked between the two of you. Your back, and Young Bae’s puzzled face. I decided to seize the moment for what it was worth. They were best friends right? Maybe he could help me out…or atleast tell me what I was dying to know.
"Young Bae-hyung, what’s going on with Ji Yong-hyung?"
"Urr...um...well…I don’t think…he could be…"
I noticed your back stiffen at his response.
“Is he hiding something from me? Did he tell you not to tell me?”
Young Bae’s eyes widened at my question. His focus seemed to shift between me and you, who turned to face him.
"...Seungri...you should to talk to him”, is all Young Bae says. He hurries away from me and quickly closes the door to his room. Did I see guilt on his face? I’m so confused! What is going on here? I turned to ask you again but you’re staring at the floor, little droplets falling from your face onto the hardwood. Tears? Are you crying? What did I do? "Hyung, why are you crying?"
You jump up, dashing off to your room. The slam of the door startled me and caused me to jump. What is going on! Why won’t you talk to me? I walked to your room and leaned on your door, hoping just maybe that you would open it up and invite me in. It never happened. Minutes passed...nothing.
*Knock*
...Nothing.
*Knock* *Knock* "Hyung..."
Still nothing.
My legs feel weak and my heart pounds in my chest. You've never ignored me hyung, never. Why are you not answering me? I feel like my world is cracking around me. Any second now I could fall through the floor, with no one to catch me. Not a safety net or even a soft pillow to land on. I’m now alone, and scared, with no revelation as to what is happening around me. My legs finally give away but I don't hit the ground like I should. I’m not really sure how I got in my room or exactly how long I sat on my bed staring blankly at the wall before curling up in my covers. My bed feels so lonely without you.Tears seem to keep coming when you aren't there to catch them, Ji. I feel like I’m breaking into pieces. There is nothing I can do to stop this pain that’s crept its way into my chest. I’m shaking again. My chest heaves up and down before more tear stains grace their way onto my pillow.
"....please...hyung..."
I whisper to myself. You can't hear me. You’re too far away.
* * * * *
YOUNGBAE
I can hear you crying in your room, Ri.
Aish! Why did I agree to this? It’s hurting you, I know. Why did Ji have to make me promise not to tell? Can’t he see how miserable you’ve become? He's causing you pain...and so am I. I hate this. I should be protecting you. I should be the one to make you happy. Not him. This is all too much. My secret attraction to my friend. The boyfriend of my best friend. The small tinge of hatred I have for both him and myself for participating in the obvious breakdown of such a delicate boy...my Ri...hurting you is the last thing I want do. Maybe talking to you could help? But what if you don’t feel like talking? I could tell you the truth...but that isn’t my place. That’s his job. No matter how much I want to tell you, it’s not my secret to tell. Not my decision to make. I didn’t know how long I had been holding my breath with my fist held upward in many attempts to knock on your door; to let my presence be known to you. In the end, I let out a staggered breath and retreated to my own room, guilt overtaking me.
I should have told you earlier.