(no subject)
i feel like im dead inside.
ive had happy moments, and moments of hope. but not ones in the direction mine and keith's relationship.
i hate that hes being such a jerk, and it makes me extremely angry. im torn down the middle.
half says fuck you, you stupid prick, if you're going to continue to ignore my calls and not call me back... i dont need you and im better off without someone like that.
in some part is true, no one should put up with someone treating them like shit.
but you have to decide where to draw the line- and im a strong believer in standing tall through problems, if its real love. and, at least for me, it is. we've talked about kids, and marriage..not soon, but not in a million years either.
it was real. we were suppose to move in together in 5months. we've looked for apartments.
and the other part of me cant even think straight, i hurt so badly. i cant stop myself from breaking down and crying myself to sleep every night. i cant stop crying when i hear our song. i cant stop breaking down when someone talks about him.
but i also get infuriated when someone talks about him. because of the way hes being, and because how dare them bring him up? how dare they do something like that.. who do these people think they are? most of them are my friends, but they barely know him.
theres nothing anyone can say that is going to make it better.
time heals the pain, or at least weakens it.
thats all you can do is wait. waiting sucks. i feel horrible. im sure i look horrible, and tomorrow i have to go to school and pretend things are fine. maybe even pretend we're still together, because most people dont know the story- and i start crying when i talk about it. idk what im going to do.
i hate him for doing this to me.
but i do still love him.
....................*Sigh*.............................