How to be Appropriate
This morning I woke up, and then Damien and I put matboard and a photo inside an 80x100 frame, kneeling on my bed with a kitchen knife and a 20€ Vodafone recharge card.
We also talked about some life stuff, I pressed my face against the covers on a few occasions. It made me feel like I was more in control, or sumfink like that.
It's important to make sure you've got it together, isn't it? It's important not to put parts of your life on hold, and to really try and live through and for all aspects of the "journey", isn't it??
But I'm really not very good at that kind of shite, and this makes me feel inferior, makes me feel bad. And yet, strangely enough, I'm so against normative terms like good and bad. And this contradiction/hypocrisy makes me feel, uhm...bad.
Excess and Obsession and Social Inappropriateness and Excessive Obsessive Inappropriate emotion are bad, eh?
I've been informed that it's good to be stable and well-rounded and complete and to understand things like direction and balance and "personality construction". And to be open and receptive and tolerant and aware and successful and upwardly mobile and enthousiastic and appropriate and welcoming and to have hobbies and to be active and to love in a normal and balanced manner and to communicate and maintain relationships and to look after yourself and to not cause damage and to not want to give yourself entirely away and to be honest and upfront and to not listen to the same music over and over again.
So, frankly, it's a bit of shame a bit of pity a bit of a shame that my own personal internal computer says "No" to all of those good things. And says yes to the bad.
On the other hand, things are good. School has started and I like it and we live in a nice apartment and it's sunny today. Bright side, maybe? Yes Yes!
We also talked about some life stuff, I pressed my face against the covers on a few occasions. It made me feel like I was more in control, or sumfink like that.
It's important to make sure you've got it together, isn't it? It's important not to put parts of your life on hold, and to really try and live through and for all aspects of the "journey", isn't it??
But I'm really not very good at that kind of shite, and this makes me feel inferior, makes me feel bad. And yet, strangely enough, I'm so against normative terms like good and bad. And this contradiction/hypocrisy makes me feel, uhm...bad.
Excess and Obsession and Social Inappropriateness and Excessive Obsessive Inappropriate emotion are bad, eh?
I've been informed that it's good to be stable and well-rounded and complete and to understand things like direction and balance and "personality construction". And to be open and receptive and tolerant and aware and successful and upwardly mobile and enthousiastic and appropriate and welcoming and to have hobbies and to be active and to love in a normal and balanced manner and to communicate and maintain relationships and to look after yourself and to not cause damage and to not want to give yourself entirely away and to be honest and upfront and to not listen to the same music over and over again.
So, frankly, it's a bit of shame a bit of pity a bit of a shame that my own personal internal computer says "No" to all of those good things. And says yes to the bad.
On the other hand, things are good. School has started and I like it and we live in a nice apartment and it's sunny today. Bright side, maybe? Yes Yes!