Jingle Bells, Batman Smells...
So today, for one reason or another, I decided to go to the big Tesco supermarket at Nový Smichov Shopping Centre, which is a massive, soulless, capitalist, festering cesspool. And that's on a good day.
There was some method in my madness: I thought to myself, I did I did, "why always go to the Tesco at Narodní Třida, where agressive geriatrics enjoy ramming me with their trolleys in the most ridiculously small, illogically organised supermarket known to man, when there's an ENORMOUSLY VAST Tesco just 3 metro stops away, where NO-ONE will violently jam their trolleys into the back of my knees?". And so, I went to the aforementioned cesspool.
This was a terrible decision.
I have done stupid things in the past, I don't think anyone would disagree with me on that point (except perhaps those who've only known me for a year or so, I've been remarkably brilliant and impressive recently!). But this decision, on a scale of 1 to 10 of stupidity, rates as a 426.
I realised this as I walked out of the metro and a crucial detail suddenly dawned upon me: It's christmas time. Every man and their dog shops at christmas time. In shopping centres. Like Nový Smichov. Did you guys know that??? No one sent me the memo...
I'm not sure what it was that reminded me it was the festive season...perhaps it was the quaint little christmas market huts selling mulled wine and bottled snow, that are planted right at the metro exit in the perfect "traffic obstruction" position. Or perhaps it was the gigantic melting stalactites made from huge flickering lights that adorn the shopping centre (nobody thinks about the epileptic kids at christmas time...they have a right to celebrate in safety too). It might even have been the terrible christmas carols blasting from 40 tonne speaker systems set up to inflict "joy" upon customers. Whatever it was, I had realised the error of my ways in deciding to shop at Nový Smichov 5 days before christmas along with every single Czech person in the entire universe, but it was too late to turn back.
This is when my survival instinct kicked in. I reached into my bag, stuffed my iPod earphones into my ears, turned the volume up to FULL BLAST YOUR EARS WILL NEVER RECOVER level and used Silverchair's Frogstomp to calm me down (HA!)/shelter me from other shoppers/scare off little kids who got too close to me and heard what I was listening to.
"I need to get out,
There's something wrong round here,
I have no doubt,
We're all really down from fear,
Everything's dark (Blind, Silverchair)
The ironic thing is that despite my logic (ie. that Tesco at Nový Smichov is much much bigger than the one at Narodní Třida, therefore even when there are more people, it will feel less crowded), I still got trolley-rammed not only by agressive geriatrics, but also by gaggles of giggling young girls, by a couple of beefy Sparta Praha supporters, as well as by several furiously festive families.
There was however one highlight. At one stage I caught the eye of a guy my age, who had obviously made the exact same mistake as I had, and who was also attempting to limit the damage with earphones and by sticking to the less popular aisles (toilet cleaner isn't a red-hot seller at this time of year). We exchanged a glance/smile that said it all: a mixture of fear, desperation and amazement at the amounts of money people will spend in order to make themselves and others "happy". As I got closer, I took out one of my earphones to see if I could catch what his "safety net music of choice" was:
"Hate, is what I feel for you." (Israel's Son, Silverchair)
We're destined for each other.
........
Ok, so maybe I used a little bit of imaginative/romantic licence with that last detail...but it would have been so perfect!
Kate
P.S. MERRY CHRISTMAS, and all that jazz! I hope you'll all try and enjoy the festivities without racking up a huge financial debt, or spending every waking hour in overcrowded shops. I promise you that you'll feel all the better for it! Money won't buy you happiness, and your 17 distant cousins probably aren't going to hate you forever if you don't buy them a token gift.
EDIT
In re-reading this post, I'm reminded of just how agressive and angry teenager-ish Silverchair's Frogstomp album actually is. I don't often listen to it, but sometimes you just really need to pull out the big guns. This was one of those moments.
There was some method in my madness: I thought to myself, I did I did, "why always go to the Tesco at Narodní Třida, where agressive geriatrics enjoy ramming me with their trolleys in the most ridiculously small, illogically organised supermarket known to man, when there's an ENORMOUSLY VAST Tesco just 3 metro stops away, where NO-ONE will violently jam their trolleys into the back of my knees?". And so, I went to the aforementioned cesspool.
This was a terrible decision.
I have done stupid things in the past, I don't think anyone would disagree with me on that point (except perhaps those who've only known me for a year or so, I've been remarkably brilliant and impressive recently!). But this decision, on a scale of 1 to 10 of stupidity, rates as a 426.
I realised this as I walked out of the metro and a crucial detail suddenly dawned upon me: It's christmas time. Every man and their dog shops at christmas time. In shopping centres. Like Nový Smichov. Did you guys know that??? No one sent me the memo...
I'm not sure what it was that reminded me it was the festive season...perhaps it was the quaint little christmas market huts selling mulled wine and bottled snow, that are planted right at the metro exit in the perfect "traffic obstruction" position. Or perhaps it was the gigantic melting stalactites made from huge flickering lights that adorn the shopping centre (nobody thinks about the epileptic kids at christmas time...they have a right to celebrate in safety too). It might even have been the terrible christmas carols blasting from 40 tonne speaker systems set up to inflict "joy" upon customers. Whatever it was, I had realised the error of my ways in deciding to shop at Nový Smichov 5 days before christmas along with every single Czech person in the entire universe, but it was too late to turn back.
This is when my survival instinct kicked in. I reached into my bag, stuffed my iPod earphones into my ears, turned the volume up to FULL BLAST YOUR EARS WILL NEVER RECOVER level and used Silverchair's Frogstomp to calm me down (HA!)/shelter me from other shoppers/scare off little kids who got too close to me and heard what I was listening to.
"I need to get out,
There's something wrong round here,
I have no doubt,
We're all really down from fear,
Everything's dark (Blind, Silverchair)
The ironic thing is that despite my logic (ie. that Tesco at Nový Smichov is much much bigger than the one at Narodní Třida, therefore even when there are more people, it will feel less crowded), I still got trolley-rammed not only by agressive geriatrics, but also by gaggles of giggling young girls, by a couple of beefy Sparta Praha supporters, as well as by several furiously festive families.
There was however one highlight. At one stage I caught the eye of a guy my age, who had obviously made the exact same mistake as I had, and who was also attempting to limit the damage with earphones and by sticking to the less popular aisles (toilet cleaner isn't a red-hot seller at this time of year). We exchanged a glance/smile that said it all: a mixture of fear, desperation and amazement at the amounts of money people will spend in order to make themselves and others "happy". As I got closer, I took out one of my earphones to see if I could catch what his "safety net music of choice" was:
"Hate, is what I feel for you." (Israel's Son, Silverchair)
We're destined for each other.
........
Ok, so maybe I used a little bit of imaginative/romantic licence with that last detail...but it would have been so perfect!
Kate
P.S. MERRY CHRISTMAS, and all that jazz! I hope you'll all try and enjoy the festivities without racking up a huge financial debt, or spending every waking hour in overcrowded shops. I promise you that you'll feel all the better for it! Money won't buy you happiness, and your 17 distant cousins probably aren't going to hate you forever if you don't buy them a token gift.
EDIT
In re-reading this post, I'm reminded of just how agressive and angry teenager-ish Silverchair's Frogstomp album actually is. I don't often listen to it, but sometimes you just really need to pull out the big guns. This was one of those moments.