(no subject)

[let_it_rainbaby]

if you don't care, then don't read all this...

today = load of aaarrrrrrrgg

saw the counselor, however u spell it

updated her on how things were at home and if dad got what was goin on

showed her my wrist

told her all about it

everything

she knows EVERYTHING

i think she's the only one that does

she said she'd call my dad and talk to him

now i have to see a counselor person before end of week

bring in some paper thing so she has proof

and so state/school thing, or whatever, knows

other wise dad could get in trouble

when she told me she called him and told him everything

i freaked out

i was so overwhelmed

i started shaking and crying a little

then, yea

in Science, i had a fever

i was shaking in there too

and my heart beat got really fast out of no where

i hadn't moved or anything

i thought i was gonna pass out

in math i was so fuckin annoyed by this guy we sat with

i think i was getting annoyed by just about everyone

cept a few people {kat, jesse, kelly, um....yea}

band SUCKED

tried talking to someone

didn't exactly work out

so i went and listened to my cd player

then out of nowhere i started shaking and crying, like seriously crying

kerry came over and tried talking to me

then chel came over

he went to the bathroom

said he'd be right back

chel left, went to hang with dan

kerry never came back

i freaked out again after that

then my friend had a prob, she was shaking like she was cold and going a little blue

that took my mind off of whatever was going on with me

i stayed with her till class was over

met jesse outside by the buses, like usual

i wanted to break down right there and then

but i didn't

got on the bus

sat alone in the back

i eventually layed on the seat, sorta

it was the last seat in the back, the really small one

next thing i know, i wake up on the floor

half the people gone

not knowing what the hell was going on

once i got my mind in control of where i was

i asked this guy how long i was on the floor

he said 10 or so min

i was like jee, thanks for noticing i passed out on the floor

i didn't say that, but thought it

now i'm sitting here feeling like i'm puke up what i just ate

i feel like shit

i don't really want dad to come home

i don't want to end up in some hospital under watch

spec before school ends

i need thursday and friday to see the people i need to see

i don't know how long it'll be before i see them in the summer

i'm really scared

i don't know what's going to happen when my grandmother finds out about everything

and i have to see a counselor

i'm scared out of my fucking mind

i want to run away from here

but i can't

it would only make matters worse

i just don't want to be takin away from my friends and jesse

they're the only i don't freak out alot at school

i need them and i don't want to lose them

i'm just so so so scared on how things are going to turn up

i wish there was another way for things to be better