(no subject)
Everything gets put in perspective when something happens that really matters.
Of course everything gets piled on top of me right now.
So my grandpa's been holding on, and I guess it was just kind of this false feeling that the worst was over. Now he's home from the hospital and they're pumping lethal amounts of morphine into him every day and my whole family is going to down to watch him die. All I can think is how I don't want to see him like that; how I don't want to remember him this way. I have no idea what to do. I know if I don't go, I will feel guilty for the rest of my life. But, if I do go, I don't know how I will handle it. I don't want him to hate me for not being there, but at the same time he hasn't even woken up at all today.
It feels a little weird writing this, but I have no one to talk to.
At least this kind of feels like someone may be listening.
Maybe its just the fact that I'm upset, but I want someone to know that I never meant things to be this way.
I want someone to know that I would do anything to take back some things I've done and said. But I cant.
Which is why I'm just going to shut up and accept that everything is fucked up & won't change.
Life fucking sucks.
Screw summer.
Of course everything gets piled on top of me right now.
So my grandpa's been holding on, and I guess it was just kind of this false feeling that the worst was over. Now he's home from the hospital and they're pumping lethal amounts of morphine into him every day and my whole family is going to down to watch him die. All I can think is how I don't want to see him like that; how I don't want to remember him this way. I have no idea what to do. I know if I don't go, I will feel guilty for the rest of my life. But, if I do go, I don't know how I will handle it. I don't want him to hate me for not being there, but at the same time he hasn't even woken up at all today.
It feels a little weird writing this, but I have no one to talk to.
At least this kind of feels like someone may be listening.
Maybe its just the fact that I'm upset, but I want someone to know that I never meant things to be this way.
I want someone to know that I would do anything to take back some things I've done and said. But I cant.
Which is why I'm just going to shut up and accept that everything is fucked up & won't change.
Life fucking sucks.
Screw summer.