thinking
So here it is, 1am on a sunday night and instead of sleeping i'm sitting here thinking about random things. like my life, where it has been and where it's going. It seems like that for every fuckup that happens i get another chance and it works out that time. Take collee for instance. The first go around at uncg was nothing more than one big party where i met a ton of people and some really good friends that i cannot imagine not having now. This is a great thing, something i never had in high school. But the problem was that i never went to class. I spent a year doing nothing really and it was a horrible thing to do to my parents. In time they understood why it all happened and we've all moved on. Yet i sit here and think, those nights and days at uncg were some of the best times of my life. i don't have a single bad memory from my time spent there. The people i met, the things i've done, the things i experienced...it was all wonderfull. The only thing i would have changed was the whole not going to class thing. Now, fast forward to the present time and lo and behold i'm in school again. I'm meeting people again and i'm actually going to class. Not just going but doing really well. Sure, they're the standard freshmen classes, but after exams i had an A in both classes. Quite the start to my renewed college career if i do say so myself. It's funny, i know inside that i'm going to succeed this time, that i'm going to make my parents and my family proud of me again. But here in my head there are other things floating around.
I'm casually dating someone...a new idea for me. I've always either been dating someone exclusively or not. i've never really been in the middle ground before. It's an interesting thought. We both enjoy hanging out together and we genuinely like each other, but neither of us wants a relationship right now..i know i know, josh not wanting an actual realationship. It's a scary thought right? But here's the thing, i do and i don't. I enjoy where i am in life, and this casual thing kind of fits in for right now. I know that i'm eventually going to want a real relationship, and if it's with her than all the better. But when that time comes that i want something more concrete, i know that if it's not with her, then i won't feel sad or rejected or heartbroken or whatever. It's quite the feeling to be able to open yourself up to someone but still be able to not get hurt. "I should have been doing this a long time ago" i thought to myself the other day. But in further thinking i realised that i wasn't ready for something like this until now. I was too immature as someone once pointed out to me. At the time i thought that the mere idea of that was perposturous..but they were right. I was too young in the ways of love and being "with" someone to really know what i was doing. I suppose i am now, i know what i'm doing...sort of. I guess that when it comes to the opposite sex and relationships, nobody really knows what they're doing. We meet someone and just kind of wing it. Everyone is different, there's no possible way we could always know what to do when we meet somone. It's a roll of the dice and none of us can predict the future. Anyone who says they always know how to act or what to do is lying. That or they're the most confused of us all. That's part of what makes relationships and being with someone so exciting. The little unexpected things that come up. Suddenly finding out that you both love the same movie, or that she clings to you in her sleep. The things that come up out of nowhere or seemingly nowhere that make us ask the question of "what to do now?". Life should never be boreing, though it is from time to time.
I really have no idea where all this is coming from. I suppose it has something to do with the book i just finished reading tonight. "Chloe does Yale" by Natalie Krinsky. It's a novel that dissects college relationships and hookups. It realy puts everything into perspective, even more so for me as a guy since it's all from the female point of view. It's funny at times, but as usual i noticed alot of the subtle undertones and ideas hidden within the pages. I suppose it just got me thinking about things life in general mostly. I don't know, it makes sense to me now, though i'd be willing to bet that this will all come off as some unorganized rambling of thoughts and ideas instead of the coherant mess that it sounds like in my mind. Eh. Anyway, I've gone on for far long enough now. I'm going to find something to do for a little bit before i go to sleep. Too many thoughts in my brain to really sleep right now. I bid yo all a farewell for now. Oh, and i leave you with some faux poetic quote that i thought of.
"It is impossible to be lost if you have never truly been found. However, should you ever find yourself lost, then be thankfull that you have found anything at all."
I'm casually dating someone...a new idea for me. I've always either been dating someone exclusively or not. i've never really been in the middle ground before. It's an interesting thought. We both enjoy hanging out together and we genuinely like each other, but neither of us wants a relationship right now..i know i know, josh not wanting an actual realationship. It's a scary thought right? But here's the thing, i do and i don't. I enjoy where i am in life, and this casual thing kind of fits in for right now. I know that i'm eventually going to want a real relationship, and if it's with her than all the better. But when that time comes that i want something more concrete, i know that if it's not with her, then i won't feel sad or rejected or heartbroken or whatever. It's quite the feeling to be able to open yourself up to someone but still be able to not get hurt. "I should have been doing this a long time ago" i thought to myself the other day. But in further thinking i realised that i wasn't ready for something like this until now. I was too immature as someone once pointed out to me. At the time i thought that the mere idea of that was perposturous..but they were right. I was too young in the ways of love and being "with" someone to really know what i was doing. I suppose i am now, i know what i'm doing...sort of. I guess that when it comes to the opposite sex and relationships, nobody really knows what they're doing. We meet someone and just kind of wing it. Everyone is different, there's no possible way we could always know what to do when we meet somone. It's a roll of the dice and none of us can predict the future. Anyone who says they always know how to act or what to do is lying. That or they're the most confused of us all. That's part of what makes relationships and being with someone so exciting. The little unexpected things that come up. Suddenly finding out that you both love the same movie, or that she clings to you in her sleep. The things that come up out of nowhere or seemingly nowhere that make us ask the question of "what to do now?". Life should never be boreing, though it is from time to time.
I really have no idea where all this is coming from. I suppose it has something to do with the book i just finished reading tonight. "Chloe does Yale" by Natalie Krinsky. It's a novel that dissects college relationships and hookups. It realy puts everything into perspective, even more so for me as a guy since it's all from the female point of view. It's funny at times, but as usual i noticed alot of the subtle undertones and ideas hidden within the pages. I suppose it just got me thinking about things life in general mostly. I don't know, it makes sense to me now, though i'd be willing to bet that this will all come off as some unorganized rambling of thoughts and ideas instead of the coherant mess that it sounds like in my mind. Eh. Anyway, I've gone on for far long enough now. I'm going to find something to do for a little bit before i go to sleep. Too many thoughts in my brain to really sleep right now. I bid yo all a farewell for now. Oh, and i leave you with some faux poetic quote that i thought of.
"It is impossible to be lost if you have never truly been found. However, should you ever find yourself lost, then be thankfull that you have found anything at all."