deadbeatsummer.
This summer is a simultaneous mixture of good and bad, with mostly bad.
After relentlessly sending out internship applications to various design firms in New York City and making badgering phone calls to them, I was unable to snag the dream job I wanted. My whole plan was to live in the city this summer, but that plan totally bombed. My Plan B was staying in Syracuse and interning at a firm up here. I don't want to trash talk anybody, but that went under as well. Ugh. So I've applied to a myriad of part-time jobs, just so I at least can have some type of income. I had a good interview last week, so hopefully I'll be getting good news this week.
I try to tell myself to not feel so defeated. I've talked to several alumni and post-grad CMD friends who tell me that it's no big deal, but I just feel like a chump. Yes, a chump. I feel like using that word right now for some reason. If I can't land a stupid unpaid internship, could I ever land a real job when the time comes? My parents tell me it's the economy and it's not my fault, but I can't help but feel that it is.
Speaking of parents, things have been extremely hellish at home. My mom lashed out at me the first week I moved back to Syracuse, accusing me of throwing parties in my apartment, dropping out of school, and being lazy. She thought I was throwing parties because my friend Ashley, who just recently gave birth to a baby girl, wrote on my facebook wall "thanks for hanging out with me last night!". My psychotic mother assumed that instead of watching Juno with my good friend on a couch with a newborn by her side, that I was throwing ragers in my apartment. She thought I was dropping out of school because she didn't get a tuition bill in the mail. I transferred into the part-time college, so all my paperwork is different now and is different from the full-time forms. Long story short, she blew up at me for no reason because she is losing her mind. This past weekend, she did the same to my Dad and they haven't been on speaking terms. I'm just glad I'm up here.
I've been spending my days trying to keep myself busy as much as I can. I cleaned up most of the apartment and my room, cook and bake yummy things, hang out with friends... but I feel a sense of uneasiness because things at home are so shitty and because I don't have a job. I'm happy because I'm not spending another summer at home, where my parents are checking up on me all the time, but not entirely happy because I don't have anything going on for me.
But at least I have one thing that's keeping me smiling and my heart racing.... :)