Rain = end of Spring Break
This picture is totally irrelevant. However, it's cute and it's going up here. Yup.
I had a pretty relaxing Spring Break, here in Syracuse.
Home in Virginia is a very stressful environment and after a stressful midterm week, coming home to even more stress would have made me flip out, or something. I love my parents and everything they do, but ever since the recession hit the house is full of these nerve-wrecking, gloomy vibes. In this situation, it sucks when your parents own a business together and that business hasn't been doing so hot. After awhile, I get sick of hearing the same saddening shit over and over again at the dinner table. My mother fully understands. Saturday morning I was going to make a surprise visit just for a few days. However, I was so tired and emotionally drained from the week that I slept through my alarm and woke up past noon. I called her crying, how I needed to rest, and was not fit for the six hour drive. She told me to stay up here, rest up, and that it was going to be ok.
So yeah... I went to Rochester for the night to visit Colleen. We hung out, went out, and ate out - it was really nice catching up with her, and getting away for the night. My apartment was creeping me the fuck out, I didn't want to be alone, and I just wanted to do something with someone I care about.
A lot of my friends came back for the week to do work and whatnot, so I spent most of my time at the Warehouse. Aside from applying to internships, updating my resume, and working on 450, I also hung out in Manlius with my new friend Andrea (locals are the shiiiiiit), drank, hung out, and snuck into the Sheraton pool one night. It was quiet, relaxing, laid back, and what I needed.
I hate being selfish. I hate being self-absorbed. I hate having these whims of uncertainty, doubt, and loneliness and think "omgz I am the only one who feels this way". I really feel like no one understands me or gets me. You've heard this exact phrase before, and I have heard it before. But honestly, I haven't met anyone who gets me. Sometimes I feel alone, even when I'm surrounded by the people I love... I don't know if that's fucked up or if it's that a bad thing. I just feel like I'm always misconstrued as a loudmouth, or something negative. But then again, would I want people to get me? Would I want people to fully understand what my intentions are and why I do what I do? I don't know...
It's super rainy and it's back to reality. I wrote a new design manifesto in my tumblr. I'm so determined to break faces with my work. I just want to be a super awesome graphic designer and be successful. This is the only thing that matters to me right now.
Or is it?