GV Leaders School
The very thought that something so special to me would someday end sent shivers down my spine even two years in advance. The day that it actually arrived and ended, I left with a feeling that i never would have expected.
I've put off writing this for so long because ive had so many thoughts swirling in my head from the past month. there has been so much change in my life, the people, my surroundings, that ive had little time to slow down and reflect. i think now is the right time to close the chapter.
the first few moments were the hardest. and here i was foolishly thinking that the last few would have been. every year i blast up the hill giving hugs and reveling in the fact that i was back. i stepped of the bus this year, in a state of shock and confusion. knowing that this was the last time i would ever have these experiences left me with a bitter sweet taste in my mouth. it was a feeling i couldnt shake as i sat in chapel that afternoon.
I felt the same way i did when i was a first year. scared and excited all at the same time of what lay in store. its strange how everything comes around full circle. you never truly know everything about something until you reach a time where someday it will no longer be there.
it would be impossible to recall all that happened that week, but i can reflect upon how it has made me feel. that week, my life was lived more true to myself than ever before. once i let go of the inevitablity of the end, and lived those days like they were my last, things truly came together. i think the moment that i let the taste out of my mouth was that first day in chapel. we sang the song, sweet caroline, and sang the line, "good times never seemed so good." i paused to look around me. the people. the chapel. the time i had so long waited for. at that very moment my heart began to flood like a broken dam of pent up emotions.
the final two days i learned so much about myself, more than years could have given me. theres one thing and one thing only in leaders that can create want and desire. thats unfortunitly is in the form of an award that was never meant to create such feelings. it was something that had been in the back of my mind for a long time. perhaps ever since the word GV was first bestowed upon me.
im happy i can talk about it today. i didnt know how it would feel to come home empty handed. the truth is, i was blind not to realize how much more i had before they actually announced the winner. it took an experience that huge to truly show me how precious my life had become. i had put so much stock into that one moment that when misconceptions crumbled to pieces, i saw what was truly around me.
i took a minute to myself on the front steps of the gym, staring off into what would be my last starry sky of being a leader, i realized i finally knew why i was there. i was finishing what had been the most important thing in my life thus far. i saw visions of what id built over the last 5 years, and it was awe inspiring. the incredible people, the unbreakable bonds, and especially the way i loved life. thats why i was there. thats why i could leave with that feeling that i never could have expected. thats why i was content.
the last day i smiled through my tears. that was something i truly wanted to be able to do. i knew id done everything i could with the time that was given to me. all the good times and the bad. the pain of missing people, the sorrow of watching my friends struggle, the joy of reuniting with friendships put on hold, and the realization of how special things are when you stop taking advantage of the fact you see it everyday. it was all worth it.
with that id like close this chapter. this will be my last entry under this livejournal. i will let this stand to show the turbulent but incredible best two years of my life thus far. with all ive learned about myself and life, im ready to live, this day forward. thank you all for the life you have shown me could have truly existed. With these three simple words i mean more to you all than i could ever type into a journal. I love you.
Andy
"Who said that every wish, would be heard and answered, when wished on a morning star? Some body thought of that, and someone believed it, and look what its done so far."
I've put off writing this for so long because ive had so many thoughts swirling in my head from the past month. there has been so much change in my life, the people, my surroundings, that ive had little time to slow down and reflect. i think now is the right time to close the chapter.
the first few moments were the hardest. and here i was foolishly thinking that the last few would have been. every year i blast up the hill giving hugs and reveling in the fact that i was back. i stepped of the bus this year, in a state of shock and confusion. knowing that this was the last time i would ever have these experiences left me with a bitter sweet taste in my mouth. it was a feeling i couldnt shake as i sat in chapel that afternoon.
I felt the same way i did when i was a first year. scared and excited all at the same time of what lay in store. its strange how everything comes around full circle. you never truly know everything about something until you reach a time where someday it will no longer be there.
it would be impossible to recall all that happened that week, but i can reflect upon how it has made me feel. that week, my life was lived more true to myself than ever before. once i let go of the inevitablity of the end, and lived those days like they were my last, things truly came together. i think the moment that i let the taste out of my mouth was that first day in chapel. we sang the song, sweet caroline, and sang the line, "good times never seemed so good." i paused to look around me. the people. the chapel. the time i had so long waited for. at that very moment my heart began to flood like a broken dam of pent up emotions.
the final two days i learned so much about myself, more than years could have given me. theres one thing and one thing only in leaders that can create want and desire. thats unfortunitly is in the form of an award that was never meant to create such feelings. it was something that had been in the back of my mind for a long time. perhaps ever since the word GV was first bestowed upon me.
im happy i can talk about it today. i didnt know how it would feel to come home empty handed. the truth is, i was blind not to realize how much more i had before they actually announced the winner. it took an experience that huge to truly show me how precious my life had become. i had put so much stock into that one moment that when misconceptions crumbled to pieces, i saw what was truly around me.
i took a minute to myself on the front steps of the gym, staring off into what would be my last starry sky of being a leader, i realized i finally knew why i was there. i was finishing what had been the most important thing in my life thus far. i saw visions of what id built over the last 5 years, and it was awe inspiring. the incredible people, the unbreakable bonds, and especially the way i loved life. thats why i was there. thats why i could leave with that feeling that i never could have expected. thats why i was content.
the last day i smiled through my tears. that was something i truly wanted to be able to do. i knew id done everything i could with the time that was given to me. all the good times and the bad. the pain of missing people, the sorrow of watching my friends struggle, the joy of reuniting with friendships put on hold, and the realization of how special things are when you stop taking advantage of the fact you see it everyday. it was all worth it.
with that id like close this chapter. this will be my last entry under this livejournal. i will let this stand to show the turbulent but incredible best two years of my life thus far. with all ive learned about myself and life, im ready to live, this day forward. thank you all for the life you have shown me could have truly existed. With these three simple words i mean more to you all than i could ever type into a journal. I love you.
Andy
"Who said that every wish, would be heard and answered, when wished on a morning star? Some body thought of that, and someone believed it, and look what its done so far."