ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
I'm so freaked out for some reason. I don't know my deal, quite honestly. This whole job situation is getting to me.
I start work at US Bank on Monday. But I got interviewed for this place called the National Marrow Donor Program, today. And I REALLY want that job, no matter how much or how little it pays. The benefits would be awesome, and plus its not some evil corporation, it has a wonderful cause and purpose behind it, and I would just love to work for a place like that. Either way, if I don't get hired for them, I would definately be a donor, even though I am somewhat afraid of needles, but I'm slowly overcoming that haha! I would just love it though. And its in Northeast Minneapolis, where I grew up. Gosh, it would be so great. I'd be so happy.
I've been breaking out so much lately. When I went and got my hair done a few weeks ago, I got a facial as well. She told me my T Zone is in bad shape haha. My complexion sucks ass. So the more I'm doing what she told me to do, the more I'm breaking out outside my T Zone. Go figure. It majorly sucks.
The Federal Bank of Minneapolis has also returned my call for this postion they have open. I hope I can get in for an interview. If I don't get the other job above. They have great benefits as well, and they're as bad as the other banks, I don't think.
Earilier today I was going to cancel that interview, and in fact, I called and made up a lie why I couldn't make it. But I called and asked if it was okay that I did come in at 3 and I did. I get such anxiety about interviews, but then I figured, I already have a job set up, so if I don't get this one, I guess I'll live.
I also went shopping afterwards and somewhat got some clothes for work. Other than jeans and tshirts. Although I did get a tshirt that says "I hate him" over and over again. I liked it.
My sister Kelley is not doing so hot at the moment. I don't know exactly what the deal is though, but she is back to drinking. She came down to the cities a week or so ago, just to go back up the next day. And a few days after that check herself into detox. Then called my sister and said she wanted to be put into a 30 day program. And then she did it herself, at a hospital in St. Cloud. And then they released her already? I don't get it. I'm going up North with Tasha, Abraham, my sister Lori, and her bf Steve this weekend, and Caitlin is going to be with us, and then returned to Kelley on Sunday. I'm flipping confused. This is definately not a good situation.
I've been freaking out forever and a day now anyway about Mom again. I just cannot cope with her being gone. I really can't. The fact that I will never see her again is haunting me greatly. Sometimes I wonder how I'm going to be whem my Dad finally goes. I've been so freaked out too becuz Rachael finally moved out with Ross so its just me, and my Dad, and our dog, and cats, and guinea pig. I get scared of being alone by myself in my house, cuz I never really had to be, and I get scared cuz my Dad is over 70, I wouldn't want to find him dead in his sleep on morning. That would traumatize me to death.
I just feel like death is all around me, and there's no escaping it. I think all the time what its like to go. I can't get the thought outta my head. I even think about the kid Nick Berg who got his head sawed off in Iraq. Why does things like that have to happen? I wish I understood, and all of this just leaves me with nerves all day long. its just hard for me to imagine dying. After my Mom died I wasn't scared to die. I'm now somewhat terrified of the thought. Just the thought. But imagine knowing you were going to die. That'd be something else.
I'm trying to not be on anti depressants anymore cuz the ones my pyschologist had put me on the past few months have made me suicidal kinda, and make me have this bad feeling all the time. Effexor and wellbutrin. I'll just stick with my ativan for now.
I'm so freaked out, ahh!!
I start work at US Bank on Monday. But I got interviewed for this place called the National Marrow Donor Program, today. And I REALLY want that job, no matter how much or how little it pays. The benefits would be awesome, and plus its not some evil corporation, it has a wonderful cause and purpose behind it, and I would just love to work for a place like that. Either way, if I don't get hired for them, I would definately be a donor, even though I am somewhat afraid of needles, but I'm slowly overcoming that haha! I would just love it though. And its in Northeast Minneapolis, where I grew up. Gosh, it would be so great. I'd be so happy.
I've been breaking out so much lately. When I went and got my hair done a few weeks ago, I got a facial as well. She told me my T Zone is in bad shape haha. My complexion sucks ass. So the more I'm doing what she told me to do, the more I'm breaking out outside my T Zone. Go figure. It majorly sucks.
The Federal Bank of Minneapolis has also returned my call for this postion they have open. I hope I can get in for an interview. If I don't get the other job above. They have great benefits as well, and they're as bad as the other banks, I don't think.
Earilier today I was going to cancel that interview, and in fact, I called and made up a lie why I couldn't make it. But I called and asked if it was okay that I did come in at 3 and I did. I get such anxiety about interviews, but then I figured, I already have a job set up, so if I don't get this one, I guess I'll live.
I also went shopping afterwards and somewhat got some clothes for work. Other than jeans and tshirts. Although I did get a tshirt that says "I hate him" over and over again. I liked it.
My sister Kelley is not doing so hot at the moment. I don't know exactly what the deal is though, but she is back to drinking. She came down to the cities a week or so ago, just to go back up the next day. And a few days after that check herself into detox. Then called my sister and said she wanted to be put into a 30 day program. And then she did it herself, at a hospital in St. Cloud. And then they released her already? I don't get it. I'm going up North with Tasha, Abraham, my sister Lori, and her bf Steve this weekend, and Caitlin is going to be with us, and then returned to Kelley on Sunday. I'm flipping confused. This is definately not a good situation.
I've been freaking out forever and a day now anyway about Mom again. I just cannot cope with her being gone. I really can't. The fact that I will never see her again is haunting me greatly. Sometimes I wonder how I'm going to be whem my Dad finally goes. I've been so freaked out too becuz Rachael finally moved out with Ross so its just me, and my Dad, and our dog, and cats, and guinea pig. I get scared of being alone by myself in my house, cuz I never really had to be, and I get scared cuz my Dad is over 70, I wouldn't want to find him dead in his sleep on morning. That would traumatize me to death.
I just feel like death is all around me, and there's no escaping it. I think all the time what its like to go. I can't get the thought outta my head. I even think about the kid Nick Berg who got his head sawed off in Iraq. Why does things like that have to happen? I wish I understood, and all of this just leaves me with nerves all day long. its just hard for me to imagine dying. After my Mom died I wasn't scared to die. I'm now somewhat terrified of the thought. Just the thought. But imagine knowing you were going to die. That'd be something else.
I'm trying to not be on anti depressants anymore cuz the ones my pyschologist had put me on the past few months have made me suicidal kinda, and make me have this bad feeling all the time. Effexor and wellbutrin. I'll just stick with my ativan for now.
I'm so freaked out, ahh!!