(no subject)
She actually called today. She ran into a mutual friend, who informed her to some degree of how she had impacted me, and felt bad. We mostly BSed, she would occassionally bring up my feelings, and her lack of, at which point I would casually reply while remaining as vague as possible. I know she has said some not so nice things behind my back, and I know she had shut me out completely without any kind of warning, but for some reason I can't bring myself to be fully honest, and make her feel even worse.
On another almost unrelated note, another friendship seems to be getting sacrificed due to my inability to open up to anyone not from my past.
I might actually be content in life with not having that special someone, if I could ever retain any of my friendships. I have so little I can relate to men with, I'm really not interested in the jock or construction worker mentality, so must always worry about coming off a little "queer". That's why most of my friends are women, but once they realize I'm not someone that's interested in getting in their pants, so they can keep me on a fucked up "friends with benefits" leash, they eventually get frustrated and stop talking to me. Not that I'm at all such hot shit that every woman just wants to fuck me, but my disinterest in casual sex is the closest thing a girl can get to hooking up with a gay man. Some may have a genuine interest in me, but either way it still becomes too much for the friendship to bare.
I hate very much making blatantly tragic comments like this, but I feel like there's nobody I can relate to. The only close friend I've ever had that I loved and didn't have to question the intentions of became a drug addict.
On another almost unrelated note, another friendship seems to be getting sacrificed due to my inability to open up to anyone not from my past.
I might actually be content in life with not having that special someone, if I could ever retain any of my friendships. I have so little I can relate to men with, I'm really not interested in the jock or construction worker mentality, so must always worry about coming off a little "queer". That's why most of my friends are women, but once they realize I'm not someone that's interested in getting in their pants, so they can keep me on a fucked up "friends with benefits" leash, they eventually get frustrated and stop talking to me. Not that I'm at all such hot shit that every woman just wants to fuck me, but my disinterest in casual sex is the closest thing a girl can get to hooking up with a gay man. Some may have a genuine interest in me, but either way it still becomes too much for the friendship to bare.
I hate very much making blatantly tragic comments like this, but I feel like there's nobody I can relate to. The only close friend I've ever had that I loved and didn't have to question the intentions of became a drug addict.