But that was love and it's an ache I still remember

[lesshormonal]

He should have been the very first person she told about the letter. She should have called him as soon as she opened it. But she'd been so in shock, convinced that they had mailed her the wrong letter and that she'd be getting a rejection any day now. Quinn had carried the acceptance letter since the day she got it, folded and tucked safely int

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[lesshormonal]

There was a time when that unwillingness to smile would have sent Quinn into immediate panic mode. Trying to figure out exactly what she had done wrong, and how she could fix it. But after the first couple months, she had finally learned to look past it. To pay more attention to the littler things. To read the emotion in his eyes. The little he would let her see, at least.

She wanted to throw her arms around him. To kiss him and bury her face in his shoulder, but she forced herself to remain in place. While the street was mostly deserted, they were still in public, and there was always that risk. Everybody knew everybody in this town after all.

So instead, her grin only widening at his words, she settled for doing a quick twirl. Because despite the nerves, she was in a better mood at that moment than she had been in a long time. "If you like this, you should see me when I'm actually trying." Glancing around quickly and, seeming satisfied that there was no one in the immediate vicinity, she reached out to curl her fingers in the material of his sweater, giving a gentle, playful tug. "Want to go inside?"

[bornforleavin]

Some of the tension was starting to disappear from his body; if Quinn had bad news to share, she wouldn't look so vibrant. Happy. The kind of emotions that were infectious. Despite himself, a smile was pulling at the corners of his lips, eyes drifting down to look at her small hand grabbing the material of his hoodie. "I think I can handle that." Feet slid forward at the tug, Jason wasn't offering any resistance. The distance had closed between them. Reaching around her, he turned the doorknob to the apartment, but not before his head had lowered, lips brushing across her own in a light kiss.

Jason didn't let it longer for long; a small taste, because he didn't want to distract her. Curiosity was getting the better of him. Pushing the door open, he stepped inside, greeted with the familiar sight of his living room. Turning his head back to look at Quinn, he relaxed even more, feel more at home. "Good day so far?" He liked seeing her in this kind of mood.

Reaching down, he pulled the hoodie off, tossing it so that it was hanging off the couch. Jason was wearing a white wifebeater underneath, hair still slightly damp from the shower he grabbed before meeting her. When they were alone together like this he felt like he didn't need to put up so many walls.

[lesshormonal]

Nobody had seen that kiss. There was nobody around to see it, she was certain. And yet, she couldn't quiet manage to suppress a quiet gasp when his lips brushed her own. It may be a particular form of torture, but Quinn had almost gotten used to being unable to touch him in public. At carefully monitoring how often she looked at him throughout the day, and how long she let those little glances linger. But this, small glimpses into what a normal relationship with him would be like, made the caution more than worth it.

Following him into the apartment, she shut the door carefully behind her before allowing herself to really look at him. Every now and then, standing in the same room as him, she felt like such a child, and couldn't help wondering what he had ever seen in her. He could be with anybody he wanted, of that much she was certain. Stepping further into the living room, she pushed it all to the back of her mind. It would only make her that much more nervous.

"You know, it's actually been really good so far. And it's better now, of course." Teeth pulled at her lower lip as her eyes slowly crept over him. From his damp, mussed hair, to those strong arms that she hadn't gotten to feel wrapped around her nearly often enough lately to the tattoos just barely visible beneath the wifebeater and the body that (like hers) was the result of hard work and not luck or happy coincedence. "How was yours? Before I interrupted, I mean."

[bornforleavin]

It was always a test of his patience, of his willpower, being around Quinn. Not looking for too long; not being too close. Stolen moments, until they were in private. And this time of the year was rough. Less time together; Quinn had her activities, and Jason's coaching duties were in full swing. It made moments like these have more meaning. Spring break was coming up, though. Something that he was more than sure they had booth been looking forward to.

"Getting better by the second," Jason said with an easy shrug, letting his gaze linger on her for a moment. Turning, he moved into the kitchen, taking a long drink of water. When he remereged, he was standing in the doorway, arms reaching up to grip the top, leaning forward slightly. "Wouldn't call it an interruption." Opening up was a little easier in a setting like this. Maybe he wasn't an open book, but there was alway a difference when it was just the two of them. "I'll take any excuse I get to see you."

[lesshormonal]

Looking forward to may have been a bit of an understatement. Quinn had been marking off the days in her head, and had unceremoniously shot down her mother's idea to go visit Frannie in California over the break. Using the excuse that the Glee club would, of course, still need to practice over the break if they were going to win Natinals. And really, she was a little surprised Rachel wasn't going to make them do it anyway.

"Maybe I ought to start calling you more often, then." She teased lightly, moving forward without hesitation, crossing the room to meet him in the doorway, until only a few inches separated them. "I'm sure I could come up with some really good fake emergencies to get you out of meetings, and practice." It was a never ending mission of hers. She couldn't force him to take down those walls, but she could try to put him at ease. Show him that maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing if he did.

[bornforleavin]

"Yeah?" As she walked across the room, Jason didn't look away, eyes taking in every movement. Grace came naturally to her, something he'd observed a long time ago. There was something sexy about it, too, even with the innocence that she usually gave off. More than enough to make his pulse quicken a touch. Letting go of the doorway, he let his arms fall down to his sides, meeting her eyes with his own. "I'd believe it. You can be pretty convincing."

When she was this close, the temptation to touch Quinn was almost unbearable. An itching in his fingers to let them slide over her smooth skin. "So this is your plan?" Sliding in even closer, the little bit of space between them disappeared, and Jason reached up, brushing an errant strand of blonde hair away from her face. "Lure me here..." The words were teasing, though the intensity in his eyes remained, something that seemed like it was always there.

[lesshormonal]

The way he was looking at her, looking through her, had a shiver rolling slowly up her spine, and she lifted her own arms to slip around his waist without a second thought. Because there was no such thing as being too close when she was with him. Nothing ever really felt like enough. But her movements were slow, fingertips tracing random patterns across his back though the thin material.

"And have my way with you?" She murmured softly, trying to keep a straight face, though the way the corners of her lips lifted ever so slightly. "That's always my plan. I thought you'd know that by now." Except now she was distracting herself, or maybe just trying to shift things in her favor. After all, if he was happy now, with her, then maybe he wouldn't get upset after her big news.

[bornforleavin]

"Guess I'm a slow learner," Jason said softly, tilting his head to the side as he looked down at her, willing his heart to stop thumping with so much speed. A task made more difficult when her arms were around him like that. Times like this, it was easy to push everything to the back of his mind. She was his right now, something that didn't happen often enough, and Jason was eager to capitalize when opportunity presented itself. Slipping his hand into her hair, he leaned down, lips mere inches from hers.

Showing any measure of restraint right then was an impressive feat. Not being the first to give in. "Or maybe I just like falling for it." What he had found with Quinn wasn't something Jason ever anticipates having. Things weren't always perfect, but they didn't have to be. Life was full of ups and downs. She just...filled everything in. Made him a better person, in her own way. Jason wouldn't give what they had up, he knew that.

[lesshormonal]

Ever since freshman year, since she had lost the weight and had the nose job, completely changed who she was, there had been a string of boyfriends. A short one granted, but they were there. Once upon a time Quinn was certain that was what she wanted. To be the girl everybody loved and hated and wanted to be with, and for a long time, she thought she had it. It was only recently that she was learning that the love she thought she had was never real. She couldn't blame any of the others for that, but nobody had ever looked at her the way Jason did. Like she was genuinely the only thing that mattered. And nobody had ever held her like they were completely unwilling to let go.

Pressing her lips into a thin line wasn't quite enough to suppress a whimper when his lips didn't quite reach hers. "I like when you fall for it. On purpose or not." Her eyes trailed down to his lips for a heartbeat before meeting his again, drawing in a deep breath before allowing herself to speak again. "But that's not the only reason I called you here."

[bornforleavin]

"No?" There was a slight nervous feeling forming in the pit of his stomach but Jason was quick to dispel it. As happy as she had been to see him earlier...if there was something Quinn needed to say, he doubted that it could be inherently bad. "What's on your mind?" The desire for her wasn't going to pass any time soon...it never did. But when things were important, there wasn't a problem with waiting. "You can tell me." There was a growing trust between them. Something that had been hard to come by all together...but if anyone deserved those kind of feelings from him, it was Quinn.

Resting his forehead against her own, Jason let out a small breath, his focus only on her. "You can tell me anything."

[lesshormonal]

While she didn't really think he would, the racing of her heart slowed when he didn't pull away from her. The Glee club had reacted well to her news, but Jason's opinion was the one that mattered to her. Which was why she decided not to draw it out any longer. For her sake as much as for his. For a brief moment when his forehead pressed to hers, she allowed her eyes to flutter closed. Breathing deeply and willing herself to just blurt it out. Though it wasn't until she opened them again, bright hazel eyes searching his out, that she found the words.

"I got accepted into Yale."

[bornforleavin]

Anyone who cared about Quinn…hearing those words should make them elated. Yale was a big deal. The kind of place futures were made; good ones. So why did it make the sinking feeling in his stomach grow? That hollowness threatening to turn into a bottomless pit. It was a conflict of emotions; raging storm in his mind of how he should handle the news. The tension in his body was impossible to ignore. The way toned muscles flexed; how something about his posture hardened.

Despite knowing it would hurt her, Jason pulled away, stepping around the side of Quinn as he walked across the living room. His steps weren’t heavy on the carpet but anyone could have seen that he was upset, to a certain degree. Sliding one hand through his still damp hair, he exhaled, trying to keep from losing it completely. “That’s great,” he said in a quiet voice, back still turned to her. What did it really mean? His mind had immediately jumped to the conclusion that it was over. She had her life ahead of her, and that kind of opportunity….Jason wanted her to have it, but the thought of this thing between them just being fleeting, it made him sick.

Finally starting to turn around, he didn’t look her in the eyes yet, his jaw set hard. “I’m happy for you.” And he was, deep down, even if he wasn’t showing it. More than anything, he was heartbroken, and that was threatening to turn into anger. Would he ever hurt her? No, but Jason was an intense person, something that could intimidate people. “That’s what I’m supposed to say right?”

[lesshormonal]

His reaction wasn't exactly unexpected, after all, wasn't that what she had been sterling herself for out on the front step. For him to take the news....well, exactly the way he seemed to be just like. Like this was the end. Preparing herself for it didn't nothing to dull the ache in her cheat though, and she had to resist the urge to reach out for him. To close that distance her had created her slip her arms back around him. Instead, she folded them around her waist, leaning back against the door frame, where he had been just a moment ago.

"Being happy is good. Congratulations is pretty common, I hear." Normally the words would have come out.one step down from cruelbut certainly condescending. But now there was no real conviction to them. She had already hurt him, whether she had meant to or not. "But I'd rather not hear you say it if you don't mean it.

Catching her bottom lip between her teeth, her eyes never left him. Not even for a moment as she fell silent, trying to slow the racing of her heart. "Please talk to me." What she really meant, what was more than a little obvious, was "Please don't push me away. Please don't shut down."

[bornforleavin]

Jason was being incredibly selfish; an accusation he wouldn’t have denied, and one he wouldn’t have taken back. Love wasn’t rational. He couldn’t even begin to pretend that he understood all of the feelings he had towards Quinn. Lifting his chin up, his eyes soon followed, allowing his gaze to meet hers. “What you want me to say?” There was an edge to his tone but it didn’t carry the harshness she might have expected. Just a resignation of anger and depression.

Jason could practically feel the tension building in the air. “You got into Yale…” Pausing, he tried to steady his breathing, the rise and fall of his chest already faster than it had been only a few seconds ago. Talking his problems out wasn’t something he did. This was already more than he felt comfortable with. But he wasn’t going to back off. She deserved better, and more than that, he wasn’t ready to let any of this go.

“Congratulations.” The word wasn’t spoken in a sarcastic tone. Folding his arms across his broad chest, Jason was still looking her down, everything just below the surface. “Don’t expect me to celebrate you leaving.” Acceptance, happiness for her…maybe that would come later. Right now, Jason just wanted to make the ache in his chest go away.

[lesshormonal]

Anger wasn't what she wanted, but in some ways, she couldn't help thinking that maybe it would have been better. In the same way a parent's disappointment was always get worse than any punishment they could give you. Still, she couldn't deny this was her fault. She didn't have to tell him right away. Things had been good only a minute ago. They had both been happy, and she was in his arms. Something that was already far too infrequent.

"Don't say it like that. Don't make it sound like I'm leaving you." Hazel eyes locked on his, she was all but pleading with him to understand. This was good. It was huge. Especially for a girl who, until very recently, had practically given up on life. "You had to know this was coming. My entire life all I've ever wanted was to get out of this godforsaken town and now I have ky chance. But that doesn't mean things with us have to change."

It was stupid and naive. The statement of a child who wanted something new but wasn't prepared for things to actually change.

[bornforleavin]

It was the look in her eyes that was trying to tear away at the walls that he put up. A vulnerability that tugged at something inside of him. Still, it wasn’t enough, at least yet, to change the way that he was feeling. Letting his arms fall back down to his sides, his eyebrows knitted slightly, taking one step towards Quinn. There was still a lot of space between them. And it felt like even more than it actually was. Jason knew that if he didn’t deal with this…it was going to tear them apart.

“Think that makes it easier?” This time there was a little anger in his tone; he didn’t raise his voice, wasn’t shouting, just an underlying different. “It changes everything, Quinn. Don’t act like it doesn’t.” He hadn’t stopped to try and look at the larger picture. Jason was dealing with the here and now on how he felt. Of what it meant for them. Counting away the days until she had to leave. Just waiting for the clock to tick down on their love.

Despite those conflicting emotions, Jason wouldn’t have dreamed of asking her to stay. She was right in the fact that this was her chance. Something you didn’t let go. “You got a life ahead of you…and Yale doesn’t include me.” It may have sounded cold but Jason was struggling to come to terms. This girl…he was more inlove with her than he ever had been with anyone else. He didn’t know how to make it work.