i'm tired, yet cannot sleep
lately i've been up till ridiculous hours, and have been pretty much waking up in the afternoon to goto work. even more recently, i've not only been sleeping through class, but even my first hour or so of work. i'll glance at the clock next to my bed and notice that i should be getting ready for work. instead, i'll grab the phone and call in an excuse for me being late. then i'll go back to sleep. its been taking a great deal of effort to get myself up to goto work late. i've been sleeping ten hours at the least, and yet feel mostly tired. i can't find the motivation to do anything i'm supposed to be doing, yet have been working at these wee hours on projects that shoudln't be any priority at all. yet its so much more worthwhile to me than getting up and going to classes that i get nothing but a few "credit" hours for.
its recently become clear to me that i'm not going to college for a job that'll be waiting for me when i graduate. i have no ultimate career goals ahead of me, but rather i have an ever-growing handfull of goals. i want to be an entrepreneur, i want to be an artist, and i want to change the world. i have to do this on my own.
i can't work for a large business or corporation, and especially not doing art. i'd feel like the ultimate tool, distorting my art into something meaningless to me, and a medium of profit for the business. graphic arts will only be my hobby.
meanwhile, i've decided not to double major. it becoming apparent that the art major's curriculum is too much to achieve too little. at least for me, since i have no desire to carry a diploma for art, or even goto graduate school just for art. i'm still sticking to photocommunications, even though its not well suiting and i have to wait till next year to take any photo courses. its communications though, which is essential to me for the appeal to the masses i'm looking for. how else can i effectively carry out my messages?
i still haven't gotten over my grandfather passing. it saddens me constantly, and it bothers me when the subjects of death or funerals come up. i don't know how to get over it. i can't bring it up with my mom, because it was her dad after all, and i don't know what i would do if my dad passed away. i'd hate to worry her more about it. but i need something, i just don't know what.
in other news, lubbock is selling gas freakin cheap. $1.69 i last saw, which is some kind of record low for some time, however its sad how high it still actually is. its pretty ironic though that my car quit running last thursday. more irony you ask? i had to take defensive driving saturday. more? ok, i have no ride to the municipal court to turn in my speeding ticket paperwork. but at least my car insurance is going to get cheaper..
on a related note, my weird-ass defensive driving instructor has inspired me to make a webcomic. the course consisted of him half-reading the booklet, and telling strange, slightly related stories that always had a wry and obscure punchline. but the thing is, he wasn't trying to be funny. the class would laugh, and then the guy would try to follow it up w/ a "joke" which would then be totally unfunny. and then back to the weird shit. hes quite a character, just you wait and see.
its recently become clear to me that i'm not going to college for a job that'll be waiting for me when i graduate. i have no ultimate career goals ahead of me, but rather i have an ever-growing handfull of goals. i want to be an entrepreneur, i want to be an artist, and i want to change the world. i have to do this on my own.
i can't work for a large business or corporation, and especially not doing art. i'd feel like the ultimate tool, distorting my art into something meaningless to me, and a medium of profit for the business. graphic arts will only be my hobby.
meanwhile, i've decided not to double major. it becoming apparent that the art major's curriculum is too much to achieve too little. at least for me, since i have no desire to carry a diploma for art, or even goto graduate school just for art. i'm still sticking to photocommunications, even though its not well suiting and i have to wait till next year to take any photo courses. its communications though, which is essential to me for the appeal to the masses i'm looking for. how else can i effectively carry out my messages?
i still haven't gotten over my grandfather passing. it saddens me constantly, and it bothers me when the subjects of death or funerals come up. i don't know how to get over it. i can't bring it up with my mom, because it was her dad after all, and i don't know what i would do if my dad passed away. i'd hate to worry her more about it. but i need something, i just don't know what.
in other news, lubbock is selling gas freakin cheap. $1.69 i last saw, which is some kind of record low for some time, however its sad how high it still actually is. its pretty ironic though that my car quit running last thursday. more irony you ask? i had to take defensive driving saturday. more? ok, i have no ride to the municipal court to turn in my speeding ticket paperwork. but at least my car insurance is going to get cheaper..
on a related note, my weird-ass defensive driving instructor has inspired me to make a webcomic. the course consisted of him half-reading the booklet, and telling strange, slightly related stories that always had a wry and obscure punchline. but the thing is, he wasn't trying to be funny. the class would laugh, and then the guy would try to follow it up w/ a "joke" which would then be totally unfunny. and then back to the weird shit. hes quite a character, just you wait and see.