last night's story, as requested.
this only started as a funny story lauren had. not even funny to her, just funny about her or rather at her. her neighbors were going out for the weekend, but their 9th grade daughter, hannah, was staying. and like so many freshman with parents leaving for the weekend before her, hannah was doing her freshman-ic duty and having a party. and she very nicely knocked on lauren's door to say so, and that it would start around 8, and if lauren was sleeping and it was too loud, would she please call hannah first and not the police?
haha, its funny because you're 20 and you're old!
anyways, lauren had the good nature/sense to offer her number back if anything went wrong.
cut to my apartment where we're watching top chef reruns and assembling shish kabobs. lauren and shauna come over, we talk about highschool parties and imagine how funny it would be to bring them, like, 30 schmirnoff ices. but soon after arriving, lauren gets a call from hannah and says that she needs help. the seniors have come to her freshman party. good for her popularity? perhaps. but they have come in droves. so i grab shoes and the jacket that makes my shoulder look broader and lauren, shauna and i drive there.
apparently hannah had posted her unique supervisionless circumstances on myspace. so it seemed every davis highschooler was there. thats hyperbole, but i think there were 100+ people there. estimate, lauren? we go in, we start yelling, asking people to leave, telling people to leave... nobody would get in my face about it but i heard that shauna actually broke up a fight and lauren damn near started one. nobody is leaving because they dont see anyone leaving, but gradually we get people out of the house and into the street. now every highschooler in davis is outside, kinda drunk, and calling every one they know about where they're gonna go next, who's gonna be there and how are they gonna get there. you know, high school stuff. this only takes another half hour of shouting and encouragement to disperse.
now. heres the fun part. to every aspect of this story, add 10 minutes of holding hair out of vomit.
hannah seemed only a little drunk, but her friend vanessa was plastered. and both of them were losing their voices somehow? anyway, vanessa could no longer stand, so she leaned on me for a while, then she could no longer text, so she asked me if i could tell this guy how dare he ignore her for three weeks and then ask if he wants to hook up? the priceless thing was that she insisted that she was a little drunk but in a could of hours, pfffsshht, she was gonna be sober. she was in my favorite stage of drunk: denial.
denise is sitting on the curb with some helpful sober guy. if vanessa was plastered, denise was spackled. she went from throwing up in hannah's front yard (lots of hair holding, lots of encouragement, a little using my jacket like a towel) to just out cold on hannah's floor. thats when i get a holler that there are drunk people who made it down the street and then decided to stop. so, i carried lily about 150 yards back into hannah's house tied back her hair and held her bowl for a while. my god, if i ever meet a sober person so concerned about people calling her cell phone as lily was when she was drunk, im going to punch them.
hannah was very against the notion of anyone staying the night at her place. it sounded like the plan had been for them to sleep at vanessa's house? but vanessa thought that she could still make it out of this without her parents finding out (good luck vanessa), so they couldnt go there. so we called lily's parents. oh man. this girl cant hold her own head up to keep from choking on the rim of the bowl thats catching her sick, but mention her parents are coming and what does she do? what every suddenly rational, coordinated, informed drunk girl does, she makes a b-line for the pool. dont worry, catastrophe averted. more sitting, hair holding. her mom showed up later and probably took her to the ER for alcohol poisoning.
mind you, at this point in the story, its probably only 9:30. i dont know if they started early, they have no tolerance or they were just determined, but i have to laugh at the fact that several of these girls achieved this state before 10.
now hannah gets a call from ashlynn's cell phone, someone vanessa has suddenly been concerned for all night. but its not ashlynn on the phone, its some guy named nathaniel who is sitting with a wet, vomit-covered and incoherent ashlynn at the skate park.
great.
i think possibly nathaniel had been at the party? maybe? it wasnt as though he had unsavory intentions, but i have no idea how he got ashlynn the 7 blocks to the middle of the park from hannah's house. if he was leading, where was he taking her? and if he was following, why wasnt he leading?
so, shauna, i, and an exceedingly responsible freshman girl named sam that we met ventured onward in shauna's car leaving lauren at hannah's house with hannah, drunk vanessa, passed out denise, and two helpful sober guys. i dont know much of what happened at hannah's house after. fill us in, lauren?
ashlynn is in the exact middle of this park, a solid 200 yards from any parking lot, and with her is nathaniel. nathaniel is probably 90 lbs and 5'1". ashlynn isnt by any means fat, but shes about 5'6", soaking wet, has puked all down her front and it totally immobile. whatever she normally weighs, you can add about 10 lbs of alcohol to it. shes way too cold, so i get her comically limp arms into my jacket. which she promptly wretches on. shauna gets her phone, finds her dad's number, but gets interrupted by a caller who turns out to be denise's father. not sure why he called ashlynn's phone... but in any case it sounds like hes headed to hannah's house. we get a hold of ashlynn's dad who says he will meet us in the parking lot. shauna and sam go to move shauna's car to a marginally closer parking lot while nathaniel and i hoist ashlynn up and try to get her to walk. with one of us under each shoulder, we almost make some progress, but we only really get about 8 steps out of her. after that, her vomit-side shoulder is about 6ft tall on top of mine, her clean shoulder is closer to 5ft tall on top of nathaniel's, and we're more or less dragging her feet across the park to the car. it was like the three stooges had made it to MTV. of course theres a hill to this parking lot, but we're-up-over-and-down-the-other-side-and-theres-the-car done! lauren texts to let me know that the police are at hannah's house. i read it aloud and nathaniel bolts. "bye! *something about hating cops*..."
(please dont read into this wrong, i dont think nathaniel had any reason to run, i think he was just in over his head.)
but now we have the interesting job of keeping ashlynn awake. sam tried to do this by asking her questions. i like this part, only because it reminded me so much of celebrity jeopardies. "ashlynn! what school do you go to?" "...muh...Cat..." "ashlynn! do you play any sports?" "blugh...unnn, orange..." then it seemed that the answer to every question was "november." i felt bad that ashlynn was scoring so low, so i decided to help. "ashlynn! when is veteran's day?" "ashlynn! name a month with 30 days!" "ashlynn! what's before christmas?" of course, now we have no idea how well we're doing.
eventually her father shows up. we get her out of the car and we'd really just like to get sam home and carry on with our evening since it is now 11. but he seems to be debating if hes going to take her into the ER or not. "ashlynn! stand up straight! thats not straight, i need you to stand up or im going to take you to the ER and we're going to call your mom." ashlynn had surpassed verbal responses and was now just foaming at the mouth. but dad wants to hear the whole story, so we're obliged to give it to him only because he is holding ashlynn in place behind shauna's car, blocking us in.
and now shes in the car, we're going to the hospital, hurray our good deed for the night is finished. but wait! do we have pen and papers so that he can get out names and phone numbers? really? what for? whatever, fine. i gave him mine and we left.
shauna dropped me off to my empty apartment where cold shish kabob's awaited. i ran my jacket through the wash all by itself with george's antibacterial tide, watched iron chef america: black cod fish battle and went to bed.
i'd better have good karma this week.
haha, its funny because you're 20 and you're old!
anyways, lauren had the good nature/sense to offer her number back if anything went wrong.
cut to my apartment where we're watching top chef reruns and assembling shish kabobs. lauren and shauna come over, we talk about highschool parties and imagine how funny it would be to bring them, like, 30 schmirnoff ices. but soon after arriving, lauren gets a call from hannah and says that she needs help. the seniors have come to her freshman party. good for her popularity? perhaps. but they have come in droves. so i grab shoes and the jacket that makes my shoulder look broader and lauren, shauna and i drive there.
apparently hannah had posted her unique supervisionless circumstances on myspace. so it seemed every davis highschooler was there. thats hyperbole, but i think there were 100+ people there. estimate, lauren? we go in, we start yelling, asking people to leave, telling people to leave... nobody would get in my face about it but i heard that shauna actually broke up a fight and lauren damn near started one. nobody is leaving because they dont see anyone leaving, but gradually we get people out of the house and into the street. now every highschooler in davis is outside, kinda drunk, and calling every one they know about where they're gonna go next, who's gonna be there and how are they gonna get there. you know, high school stuff. this only takes another half hour of shouting and encouragement to disperse.
now. heres the fun part. to every aspect of this story, add 10 minutes of holding hair out of vomit.
hannah seemed only a little drunk, but her friend vanessa was plastered. and both of them were losing their voices somehow? anyway, vanessa could no longer stand, so she leaned on me for a while, then she could no longer text, so she asked me if i could tell this guy how dare he ignore her for three weeks and then ask if he wants to hook up? the priceless thing was that she insisted that she was a little drunk but in a could of hours, pfffsshht, she was gonna be sober. she was in my favorite stage of drunk: denial.
denise is sitting on the curb with some helpful sober guy. if vanessa was plastered, denise was spackled. she went from throwing up in hannah's front yard (lots of hair holding, lots of encouragement, a little using my jacket like a towel) to just out cold on hannah's floor. thats when i get a holler that there are drunk people who made it down the street and then decided to stop. so, i carried lily about 150 yards back into hannah's house tied back her hair and held her bowl for a while. my god, if i ever meet a sober person so concerned about people calling her cell phone as lily was when she was drunk, im going to punch them.
hannah was very against the notion of anyone staying the night at her place. it sounded like the plan had been for them to sleep at vanessa's house? but vanessa thought that she could still make it out of this without her parents finding out (good luck vanessa), so they couldnt go there. so we called lily's parents. oh man. this girl cant hold her own head up to keep from choking on the rim of the bowl thats catching her sick, but mention her parents are coming and what does she do? what every suddenly rational, coordinated, informed drunk girl does, she makes a b-line for the pool. dont worry, catastrophe averted. more sitting, hair holding. her mom showed up later and probably took her to the ER for alcohol poisoning.
mind you, at this point in the story, its probably only 9:30. i dont know if they started early, they have no tolerance or they were just determined, but i have to laugh at the fact that several of these girls achieved this state before 10.
now hannah gets a call from ashlynn's cell phone, someone vanessa has suddenly been concerned for all night. but its not ashlynn on the phone, its some guy named nathaniel who is sitting with a wet, vomit-covered and incoherent ashlynn at the skate park.
great.
i think possibly nathaniel had been at the party? maybe? it wasnt as though he had unsavory intentions, but i have no idea how he got ashlynn the 7 blocks to the middle of the park from hannah's house. if he was leading, where was he taking her? and if he was following, why wasnt he leading?
so, shauna, i, and an exceedingly responsible freshman girl named sam that we met ventured onward in shauna's car leaving lauren at hannah's house with hannah, drunk vanessa, passed out denise, and two helpful sober guys. i dont know much of what happened at hannah's house after. fill us in, lauren?
ashlynn is in the exact middle of this park, a solid 200 yards from any parking lot, and with her is nathaniel. nathaniel is probably 90 lbs and 5'1". ashlynn isnt by any means fat, but shes about 5'6", soaking wet, has puked all down her front and it totally immobile. whatever she normally weighs, you can add about 10 lbs of alcohol to it. shes way too cold, so i get her comically limp arms into my jacket. which she promptly wretches on. shauna gets her phone, finds her dad's number, but gets interrupted by a caller who turns out to be denise's father. not sure why he called ashlynn's phone... but in any case it sounds like hes headed to hannah's house. we get a hold of ashlynn's dad who says he will meet us in the parking lot. shauna and sam go to move shauna's car to a marginally closer parking lot while nathaniel and i hoist ashlynn up and try to get her to walk. with one of us under each shoulder, we almost make some progress, but we only really get about 8 steps out of her. after that, her vomit-side shoulder is about 6ft tall on top of mine, her clean shoulder is closer to 5ft tall on top of nathaniel's, and we're more or less dragging her feet across the park to the car. it was like the three stooges had made it to MTV. of course theres a hill to this parking lot, but we're-up-over-and-down-the-other-side-and-theres-the-car done! lauren texts to let me know that the police are at hannah's house. i read it aloud and nathaniel bolts. "bye! *something about hating cops*..."
(please dont read into this wrong, i dont think nathaniel had any reason to run, i think he was just in over his head.)
but now we have the interesting job of keeping ashlynn awake. sam tried to do this by asking her questions. i like this part, only because it reminded me so much of celebrity jeopardies. "ashlynn! what school do you go to?" "...muh...Cat..." "ashlynn! do you play any sports?" "blugh...unnn, orange..." then it seemed that the answer to every question was "november." i felt bad that ashlynn was scoring so low, so i decided to help. "ashlynn! when is veteran's day?" "ashlynn! name a month with 30 days!" "ashlynn! what's before christmas?" of course, now we have no idea how well we're doing.
eventually her father shows up. we get her out of the car and we'd really just like to get sam home and carry on with our evening since it is now 11. but he seems to be debating if hes going to take her into the ER or not. "ashlynn! stand up straight! thats not straight, i need you to stand up or im going to take you to the ER and we're going to call your mom." ashlynn had surpassed verbal responses and was now just foaming at the mouth. but dad wants to hear the whole story, so we're obliged to give it to him only because he is holding ashlynn in place behind shauna's car, blocking us in.
and now shes in the car, we're going to the hospital, hurray our good deed for the night is finished. but wait! do we have pen and papers so that he can get out names and phone numbers? really? what for? whatever, fine. i gave him mine and we left.
shauna dropped me off to my empty apartment where cold shish kabob's awaited. i ran my jacket through the wash all by itself with george's antibacterial tide, watched iron chef america: black cod fish battle and went to bed.
i'd better have good karma this week.