FIC for ladywhitehart: "Anything"
Title: Anything
Author: alexajohnson
Recipient: ladywhitehart
Rating: G
Word count: ~1,000
Warnings: None
Summary: In their first year at Hogwarts, Lily Evans starts to wonder if her friendship with Severus Snape will endure beyond the differences of their Houses. Severus, however, is willing to do anything to keep her in his life. Probably AU.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, I merely enjoy playing in JKR's wonderful sandbox!
Author's Notes: Many, many thanks to B. for some last minute betaing--you're the best! I hope you enjoy this, ladywhitehart!
Anything
She’d known things were going to be different when they weren’t put in the same House, but Lily Evans had been convinced that their friendship would not change.
But it was Severus who had approached her a few weeks in to their first year, stressing how important it was to keep their friendship a secret. There were still so many things about this world that were new to her, and she had not understood.
“Why?” she’d demanded, frowning. “Do I embarrass you?”
“No, of course not!” he’d said quickly, “I’d just rather not have anyone find out.”
She’d sighed, rolling her eyes. “Does this have something to do with James and Sirius?”
He’d scowled at the mere mention of their names. “No. I just think it would be best.”
Though he had not been willing to expand then, she’d guessed it had something to do with Slytherin House’s strange obsession with blood, and maybe in his odd way he’d been trying to look out for her.
So she’d trusted him, and stopped saying hello to him when she passed in the hallways, nodding her head in acknowledgement of his presence instead.
Yet gossip traveled fast in Hogwarts, and it wasn’t long before her Muggle upbringing became common knowledge. At first she didn’t notice much difference in the way she was treated, but then little things started catching her attention, and the antagonists were always from Slytherin.
But Lily was never called a Mudblood, at least to her face, until quite later.
She was just leaving the library, a pile of books in her hands and her bag over her shoulder, when she almost ran in to Avery and Mulciber as they were entering, Severus behind them.
“You should watch where you’re going,” Avery cautioned, something dark and menacing lurking in his words.
“Sorry,” she said stiffly, though she really wasn’t at all.
“Well, at least you can apologize,” Mulciber said threateningly, “after all, we wouldn’t want a little Mudblood like you to get hurt, now would we? Isn’t that right, Snape?”
The word was always ugly, no matter the context, and Lily’s cheeks flushed with pained anger as she looked at Severus, and her heart burned when she saw he was giving her the sneer he usually reserved for James and Sirius.
His voice was cold, but he couldn’t quite meet her eyes. “Absolutely.”
She did not know what she’d expected him to say, but she’d thought she’d at least be able to see through his act, if this even were one.
But now, in this moment, she really could not tell.
Lips pursed, she clutched her books and pushed past them wordlessly, hoping no one saw the tears framing her eyes.
~*~
After his last lesson, Severus headed to his favorite place by the lake, a secluded spot by a large rock where not even Potter and Black could find him.
He wished he knew how to make things right with Lily. They’d had their fair share of arguments before Hogwarts, but the topic of blood had been foreign to her then. He knew he’d hurt her feelings, but he had no idea what to say to make things right.
If Avery and Mulciber had even gotten just a small sense of the extent of their friendship, he never would have heard the end of it. And neither would she. They would have found a reason to bully and torment her to the extreme, and he told himself he was looking out for her well-being as well as his own.
It was for her own good, really.
“Severus!”
Groaning inwardly, he reluctantly turned around to face Lily, who had a distraught expression on her face. “What was that earlier today?”
He schooled his features into a blank look and didn’t answer, but she knew him well enough to not let him get away with it.
She put her hands on her hips. “I think I deserve an explanation.”
Reluctantly he said, “You’re not going to like it.”
“I already don’t like it,” she said, sighing exasperatedly, “so what you say can’t possibly make it any worse. Come on, I’m waiting.”
He knew she was right, that he owed her this, but that wasn’t going to make this any easier. “Look, I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I’m sorry. But surely you’ve figured out by now that things work differently in Slytherin than the other Houses-”
“You mean a blind eye is turned to bullying all the time?”
“Oh, please, don’t even try to tell me with a straight face that Potter and Black get punished for all they do,” he said, sneering in his irritation. “All I’m saying is that I can’t be seen defending you-”
“Why? Because I’m a Mudblood?” she demanded, voice harsh and unforgiving.
“You know I don’t think of you that way, I’m just trying to protect you!” Severus cried, beyond frustrated, wondering why she couldn’t understand.
She didn’t answer right away, just studied him, emotion in her eyes he couldn’t identify. “Do I?” she finally whispered. “You’re not even a Pureblood yourself, but I know how much you detest your father, and I think you’d like to be one. And even if you don’t think of me that way, what makes me so different from all the other Muggleborn witches and wizards? How do I know that you’re not just acting?”
For once, Severus found himself with nothing to say.
Well, that wasn’t entirely true.
There was a definite reason, but he was pretty certain she didn’t think about him in that way, and he was afraid that if he told her, she’d be so disgusted that he’d lose her friendship. But right now, it looked as though he were in danger of losing it anyway.
She still was the only good thing in his life, but he couldn’t see how to keep her in it.
He now had two choices before him.
Would he sacrifice it with the truth or a lie?
She had not moved, her expression growing more and more cross with each second the silence stretched on. If he rejected her first, at least it would be on his terms, which was how he liked things.
But Lily Evans had always been a special case.
She had started tapping her foot.
“It’s because-” he swallowed, and as she looked up at him expectantly, he realized simple words would never suffice.
He now had only one way to find out if she wanted him as much as he did her, and he could not put it off any longer. Her eyebrows pulled together in a frown as he stepped forward, and pushing down his insecurities and setting aside doubt, he kissed her.
There was one awful moment where her mouth didn’t respond, and he felt her body stiffen against his. Cursing himself, he was about to move away when she put her hand behind his head and pulled him closer, touching her forehead to his, before, she kissed him back.
Finally the moment ended, and Lily said softly, “I thought you were never going to do that.”
Severus could not believe this was happening. “I guess I just-convinced myself you could never want me.”
“What changed your mind?”
He bit his lip. “I didn’t know how else to tell you.”
Sighing, she said, “I’m sorry I doubted you. I know you’re not really like Mulciber and Avery and that lot, but I let my hurt feelings interfere. I’ll try not to next time.”
“I’ll hold you to that,” he said, smirking at her.
Holding a stern finger in front of his face, she rebuked, “But don’t think you can just kiss me and everything will be forgotten.”
He frowned. “So does that mean we’re-”
“I’d like it to,” she said, lips curving in to a shy smile.
“But no one can find out about us,” he said urgently, “especially not Potter and Black.”
“I don’t much care for them either,” she admitted, “though I honestly can’t understand why they harass you so much.”
Scowling, he said, “I exist. That’s reason enough.”
She touched a hand to the side of his face. “Well, they don’t see what I do.”
“No one does,” he said, scowling harder. “Are you sure you’re not hallucinating?”
She laughed, but sobered quickly as she replied, “Yes, and I can help you see it too.”
If anyone could do that, he knew it could only be Lily.
He wasn’t sure how long this could last, but he was willing to take his chances, and he would at least make the most of the time he had her.
Author: alexajohnson
Recipient: ladywhitehart
Rating: G
Word count: ~1,000
Warnings: None
Summary: In their first year at Hogwarts, Lily Evans starts to wonder if her friendship with Severus Snape will endure beyond the differences of their Houses. Severus, however, is willing to do anything to keep her in his life. Probably AU.
Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter, I merely enjoy playing in JKR's wonderful sandbox!
Author's Notes: Many, many thanks to B. for some last minute betaing--you're the best! I hope you enjoy this, ladywhitehart!
Anything
She’d known things were going to be different when they weren’t put in the same House, but Lily Evans had been convinced that their friendship would not change.
But it was Severus who had approached her a few weeks in to their first year, stressing how important it was to keep their friendship a secret. There were still so many things about this world that were new to her, and she had not understood.
“Why?” she’d demanded, frowning. “Do I embarrass you?”
“No, of course not!” he’d said quickly, “I’d just rather not have anyone find out.”
She’d sighed, rolling her eyes. “Does this have something to do with James and Sirius?”
He’d scowled at the mere mention of their names. “No. I just think it would be best.”
Though he had not been willing to expand then, she’d guessed it had something to do with Slytherin House’s strange obsession with blood, and maybe in his odd way he’d been trying to look out for her.
So she’d trusted him, and stopped saying hello to him when she passed in the hallways, nodding her head in acknowledgement of his presence instead.
Yet gossip traveled fast in Hogwarts, and it wasn’t long before her Muggle upbringing became common knowledge. At first she didn’t notice much difference in the way she was treated, but then little things started catching her attention, and the antagonists were always from Slytherin.
But Lily was never called a Mudblood, at least to her face, until quite later.
She was just leaving the library, a pile of books in her hands and her bag over her shoulder, when she almost ran in to Avery and Mulciber as they were entering, Severus behind them.
“You should watch where you’re going,” Avery cautioned, something dark and menacing lurking in his words.
“Sorry,” she said stiffly, though she really wasn’t at all.
“Well, at least you can apologize,” Mulciber said threateningly, “after all, we wouldn’t want a little Mudblood like you to get hurt, now would we? Isn’t that right, Snape?”
The word was always ugly, no matter the context, and Lily’s cheeks flushed with pained anger as she looked at Severus, and her heart burned when she saw he was giving her the sneer he usually reserved for James and Sirius.
His voice was cold, but he couldn’t quite meet her eyes. “Absolutely.”
She did not know what she’d expected him to say, but she’d thought she’d at least be able to see through his act, if this even were one.
But now, in this moment, she really could not tell.
Lips pursed, she clutched her books and pushed past them wordlessly, hoping no one saw the tears framing her eyes.
~*~
After his last lesson, Severus headed to his favorite place by the lake, a secluded spot by a large rock where not even Potter and Black could find him.
He wished he knew how to make things right with Lily. They’d had their fair share of arguments before Hogwarts, but the topic of blood had been foreign to her then. He knew he’d hurt her feelings, but he had no idea what to say to make things right.
If Avery and Mulciber had even gotten just a small sense of the extent of their friendship, he never would have heard the end of it. And neither would she. They would have found a reason to bully and torment her to the extreme, and he told himself he was looking out for her well-being as well as his own.
It was for her own good, really.
“Severus!”
Groaning inwardly, he reluctantly turned around to face Lily, who had a distraught expression on her face. “What was that earlier today?”
He schooled his features into a blank look and didn’t answer, but she knew him well enough to not let him get away with it.
She put her hands on her hips. “I think I deserve an explanation.”
Reluctantly he said, “You’re not going to like it.”
“I already don’t like it,” she said, sighing exasperatedly, “so what you say can’t possibly make it any worse. Come on, I’m waiting.”
He knew she was right, that he owed her this, but that wasn’t going to make this any easier. “Look, I didn’t mean to hurt you, and I’m sorry. But surely you’ve figured out by now that things work differently in Slytherin than the other Houses-”
“You mean a blind eye is turned to bullying all the time?”
“Oh, please, don’t even try to tell me with a straight face that Potter and Black get punished for all they do,” he said, sneering in his irritation. “All I’m saying is that I can’t be seen defending you-”
“Why? Because I’m a Mudblood?” she demanded, voice harsh and unforgiving.
“You know I don’t think of you that way, I’m just trying to protect you!” Severus cried, beyond frustrated, wondering why she couldn’t understand.
She didn’t answer right away, just studied him, emotion in her eyes he couldn’t identify. “Do I?” she finally whispered. “You’re not even a Pureblood yourself, but I know how much you detest your father, and I think you’d like to be one. And even if you don’t think of me that way, what makes me so different from all the other Muggleborn witches and wizards? How do I know that you’re not just acting?”
For once, Severus found himself with nothing to say.
Well, that wasn’t entirely true.
There was a definite reason, but he was pretty certain she didn’t think about him in that way, and he was afraid that if he told her, she’d be so disgusted that he’d lose her friendship. But right now, it looked as though he were in danger of losing it anyway.
She still was the only good thing in his life, but he couldn’t see how to keep her in it.
He now had two choices before him.
Would he sacrifice it with the truth or a lie?
She had not moved, her expression growing more and more cross with each second the silence stretched on. If he rejected her first, at least it would be on his terms, which was how he liked things.
But Lily Evans had always been a special case.
She had started tapping her foot.
“It’s because-” he swallowed, and as she looked up at him expectantly, he realized simple words would never suffice.
He now had only one way to find out if she wanted him as much as he did her, and he could not put it off any longer. Her eyebrows pulled together in a frown as he stepped forward, and pushing down his insecurities and setting aside doubt, he kissed her.
There was one awful moment where her mouth didn’t respond, and he felt her body stiffen against his. Cursing himself, he was about to move away when she put her hand behind his head and pulled him closer, touching her forehead to his, before, she kissed him back.
Finally the moment ended, and Lily said softly, “I thought you were never going to do that.”
Severus could not believe this was happening. “I guess I just-convinced myself you could never want me.”
“What changed your mind?”
He bit his lip. “I didn’t know how else to tell you.”
Sighing, she said, “I’m sorry I doubted you. I know you’re not really like Mulciber and Avery and that lot, but I let my hurt feelings interfere. I’ll try not to next time.”
“I’ll hold you to that,” he said, smirking at her.
Holding a stern finger in front of his face, she rebuked, “But don’t think you can just kiss me and everything will be forgotten.”
He frowned. “So does that mean we’re-”
“I’d like it to,” she said, lips curving in to a shy smile.
“But no one can find out about us,” he said urgently, “especially not Potter and Black.”
“I don’t much care for them either,” she admitted, “though I honestly can’t understand why they harass you so much.”
Scowling, he said, “I exist. That’s reason enough.”
She touched a hand to the side of his face. “Well, they don’t see what I do.”
“No one does,” he said, scowling harder. “Are you sure you’re not hallucinating?”
She laughed, but sobered quickly as she replied, “Yes, and I can help you see it too.”
If anyone could do that, he knew it could only be Lily.
He wasn’t sure how long this could last, but he was willing to take his chances, and he would at least make the most of the time he had her.