(no subject)
i wanna go to california NOW NOW NOW.
my doctor has given me a prescription for zoloft. i'm debating whether or not i'll actually take it. on the upside, i could be be happy and sedate until this is all just a fading memory in my rear view mirror. or. well. my mom told me she once worked with a woman who took zoloft. when i asked her if the lady became a happy person she said yes, however, she also became very fat.
now, anyone who knows me knows my policy on fat.. ugh.
anyways, i've already put it off for so long, i guess i just won't take it. i try so hard to stay optimistic, repeating the reasons i came here in my head, out loud to myself, or anyone else who wants to hear them. but mostly, i'm just coming to the conclusion that i just made a huge mistake by underestimating myself by so much. and now i'm torn, because to just leave would be selfish and a slap in the face to my parents.
it's just complicated. what's appropriate? i feel like a jack ass on one hand and a martyr on the other, and in the third i feel guilty for even beginning to think that i could possibly be classified a "martyr". it's a vicious circle and i really don't know what to do. nothing i've come up with feels completely right. sucks to my fucking asthmar.
after a while, i don't even know what the hell i'm talking about anyway. i'm sleepy now.
my doctor has given me a prescription for zoloft. i'm debating whether or not i'll actually take it. on the upside, i could be be happy and sedate until this is all just a fading memory in my rear view mirror. or. well. my mom told me she once worked with a woman who took zoloft. when i asked her if the lady became a happy person she said yes, however, she also became very fat.
now, anyone who knows me knows my policy on fat.. ugh.
anyways, i've already put it off for so long, i guess i just won't take it. i try so hard to stay optimistic, repeating the reasons i came here in my head, out loud to myself, or anyone else who wants to hear them. but mostly, i'm just coming to the conclusion that i just made a huge mistake by underestimating myself by so much. and now i'm torn, because to just leave would be selfish and a slap in the face to my parents.
it's just complicated. what's appropriate? i feel like a jack ass on one hand and a martyr on the other, and in the third i feel guilty for even beginning to think that i could possibly be classified a "martyr". it's a vicious circle and i really don't know what to do. nothing i've come up with feels completely right. sucks to my fucking asthmar.
after a while, i don't even know what the hell i'm talking about anyway. i'm sleepy now.