One that won't make me feel too good

[leslie_carter]

I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I talked to Matt and I still don’t really feel better. I feel bitchy and selfish. How can I be that way when he says he just wants me to be happy and will do pretty much whatever I ask so that I will be. Maybe it’s not us. Maybe it’s just me. I mean I don’t question that I love him or want to be with him… everything in my life just feels kind of stagnant. Maybe I’m a little bored. I mean Matt still excites me, but it’s not the same as it was in the beginning where we couldn’t keep our hands off of each other and we wanted to try everything and anything just because we could. Even when I spend the night we’ve settled into almost this married couple role. It’s nice and comforting and sweet but it’s not very exciting. But still there isn’t really anything specific that I think he can ‘do’ to make it better.

I think I need to get some other things to focus on, like school - I think I was more content when I was taking some classes and I should start volunteering more. Boredom seems to breed even more boredom. I can’t just sit around waiting for my boyfriend to entertain me.

I also seem to have a low tolerance for bullshit these days, so if you are annoying and I’m a bitch that’s probably why.

I want a new drug
One with no doubt
One that won't make me talk too much
Or make my face break out

One that won't make me nervous
Wondering what to do
One that makes me feel like I feel when I'm with you
When I'm alone with you