Just left work and I'm on the bus. SHOCKING. there is a man standing near me AND EARLIER THIS YEAR I GAVE HIM MY PHONE NUMBER AND TOLD HIM I WAS CUTE. HE NEVER CALLED AND NOW HE IS ON THE BUS. I AM FREAKING OUT.
Our last patient gave me a social security number that was 15 characters long so THATS A THING. none of the numbers are anywhere in her DOB or anything. She is also 31 years old and called her mom to make sure her insurance card was valid.
Ummmmm. This week has flown by. It feels like just yesterday I was super mega hella hungover after the night my brother threw a subway sandwich at me and I made a friend! This weekend will be a busy one--going to my cousin's bday party on Saturday. I have brunch plans Sunday morning and then I'm going to the cubs game with BOE.
It has been RIDICULOUSLY cold here. Not as rainy as I know it has been in DC, but not pleasant. It certainly doesn't feel like July. Like this is NOT COOL.
In OTHER NEWS, after telling a friend that I've given up and am just going to wait for a friend to fake marry to save puppies (FOR THE TROPE!) and subsequently saying nobody is good ENOIGH, DAN SUGGESTED CHRIS EVANS. "I'm straight, but damn." I keep my chrevansing off of Facebook (limited to tumblr and my computer's desktop background) so I was FLABBERGASTED AND AMUSED.
THATS ABOUT IT. I had a good America weekend full of butts and baseball and my bro.
DID THE GUY ON THE BUS ACKNOWLEDGE YOU??? DID YOU EXCHANGE SIGNIFICANT LOOKS??
Your patient sounds like an idiot, you should not be calling your parent to ask about your insurance at that age and you should DEFINITELY know your actual social security number.
Have I not heard the full story of the night your brother threw a sandwich at you and you made a friend?
NO HE DID NOT EVEN LOOK AT ME (that i saw, i didn't stare at him all the time because i'm a crazy person but not that bonkers).
SO: THE SAGA OF THE NIGHT MY BROTHER THREW A SANDWICH AT ME, A TALE BY AMBER:
We went to Wrigley at like 2:45, game starts at 6:15 but we're going to the bleachers which open at 4:15 because my DUMBASS BROTHER is convinced that only t he first 1000 fans get this free cubs cammo hat. (Spoiler alert IT WAS TEN THOUSAND). I promised to take him to a wrigley bar, so naturally, I took him to the one I used to work in. I saw like four girls I knew and used to work with and none of them was IA, which was awesome. Dani brought out my food and Hot Manager came by to check on us and THEN he saw that it was me and asked me when i aws going to start picking up shifts. HA. HA. ha. And then made fun of me for ordering BBQ chicken fingers, as I did like, every day last year.
Anyway, we split the chicken fingers, which was apparently fine to work on for a 15 hour shift, but NOT for a whole afternoon and evening of drinking. I had a 'MERICA fishbowl, B had a fishbowl and a beer, and Chris discounted my bill which CRACKED ME UP.
So we get to the thing, and I'm sure you know this: Regular amber curses a lot. Sports amber curses a lot. Drunk amber curses a lot. When you combine all three Ambers....look, people say Amy Poehler is a swearing artist...amy p ain't got nothin' on me. So we had been sitting amongst a bunch of children, which WHO BRINGS KIDS TO THE BLEACHERS AT WRIGLEY? THAT IS A BAD IDEA. So we see a group of bros who are heckling the marlins, and we're like LET'S MOVE DOWN BY THEM.
It's four guys and then a girl at the end and we start chatting and within five minutes, we have aligned them with brian's friends, because apparently all bros are the same, idk? And then brian and two of the guys go to get beer, and the girl's like YOU OWE ME ONE, but it became clear that they didn't know each other? And i thought the girla nd the guy on the end were dating so i was like WAIT ARE YOU HERE BY YOURSELF? and she said yes, and i was all COME SIT BY ME.
So she came down one row to sit by me. We got to talking, she moved here from Austin three weeks ago, but is from tennessee. Her dad bought her cubs tickets so she could have something to do on the 4th. Blah blah blah, the game happens, I've consumed a fishbowl and two beers and am feeling GOOD. We go to the bathroom, get more beer and hot dogs, and WHILE I'M SHOVING HOT DOGS INTO MY FANNY PACK (not a euphemism), FREAKIGN KRIS BRYANT HITS A GRAND SLAM.
Blah blah blah, more beer (i think i ended up having like four beers at the game?), no water, lots of fireworks. Then the guys convince us to go out to a bar. So that happened. Only E and I had to pee, so I left the boys to go to the bar and i told them that we'd meet them there. Some time later, we leave the bathroom, in a stampede, and this bro starts hitting on me. I think i grabbed his butt? i'm not sure, I was really drunk at this point. We head to the bar, Bro 1 (thomas's doppleganger) is buying everyone shots of fireball because WHY NOT, so I have a shot. Then we go to a different bar, without the bros but with MY bro, and it was Old Crow, which is awesome. I freaking love old crow, but it's always so crowded. (TURNS OUT I KNOW THE DOOR GUY THERE LOL @ MY LIFE DECISIONS, though i knew him through work, so maybe not).
Long and short of it, Brian wants to go home after two more beers (holy crap no wonder i felt like garbage sunday). E doesn't want to leave. But i'm not comfortable leaving any girl in wrigley by herself, much less one who is NEW TO THE CITY, LIVES IN HYDE PARK SO IS NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE AREA, AND WHO IS PLASTERED, WITH A *DEAD PHONE* at a BAR by HERSELF. Brian's starting to get pissed so I basically drag E out of the bar with me, and put her in a cab.
PART 2: apparently, drunk crying runs in the family. Brian, at some point, decides that he's going to throw a brian fit. He did this when we were kids all the time. I would tell him to "shut up, brian" and he wouldn't talk for FOUR HOURS. We're very stubborn. But essentially he acts INSANE for a bit. He stopped on the street, just before the L, and is SOBBING about how I DON'T LOVE HIM that i care more about a girl i just met and used the phrase, BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER like, hmm, 40 times, probably? Says something about how he'd rather sleep on the street than come back to my apartment with someone who doesn't care about him at all. When I tried to explain girl code to him, he got super upset. And honestly, I would have let him stand and throw a fit all ngiht, except he was drunker than me, HIS phone was dead (seriously, people AIRPLANE MODE), and he is also unfamiliar with the city AND doesn't have my address.
So.
I finally talk some sense into him: i love him, i wanted him there, and i LEFT DIDN'T I? And i know he didn't want to come, and that's fine, but please come back to my house FOR MOM, if nothing else. Because MOM WOULD KILL ME if I left him there. Somehow that works. The guilt is strong in this one.
We get back on track, and I realize that HEY HE HASN'T HAD ANYTHING TO EAT in like, EIGHT HOURS, and there's a 24 hour subway right here, so let's go grab a sandwich. I frequented that subway the last two summers because it was the only place open when i would finish work. I tell Brian we're going in there andhe's likE great i have to pee! Only with many places in the city, they have a buzzer lock on the bathroom. As i'm ordering the sandwiches, he's being a jerk about the bathroom.
I don't really know what trigger the incident, but we are FAR AWAY FROM THE SUBWAY. We've made the last turn to get back to my house, and we're WALKING DOWN THE STREET and the next thing I know, BRIAN HAS LAUNCHED HIS SANDWICH OUT OF HIS HAND (he's walking slightly behind me and to the side) and it has FLOWN THROUGH THE AIR and slapped me in the head. I ask him WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?!?! and he says he doesn't know, and laughed hysterically.
We get back to my house and he's like, I should shower. He starts the shower and then comes out to the main part of my apartment, and sits on the air mattress. Takes a bite of his sandwich, MAKES A FACE, and opens the sandwich. THEN, he says, "YOU PUT LETTUCE ON THE SANDWICH?!?!"
Keep in mind, this is a subway oven roasted chicken sandwich. It is on white bread. It is chicken, cheese, lettuce, and ranch. An eight year old would be very happy eating this no-flavor sandwich.
THEN HE PROCEEDS TO SCRAPE THE SHREDDED LETTUCE OFF THE SANDWICH AND *ONTO THE FLOOR OF MY APARTMENT*
he then gets in the shower, and I am left to clean up the shreds on my own.
The alarm clock rings at 7:18. I've been awake for an hour. I am so hungover I want to die, but I have to get my brother in an uber to the airport.
Just left work and I'm on the bus. SHOCKING. there is a man standing near me AND EARLIER THIS YEAR I GAVE HIM MY PHONE NUMBER AND TOLD HIM I WAS CUTE. HE NEVER CALLED AND NOW HE IS ON THE BUS. I AM FREAKING OUT.
Our last patient gave me a social security number that was 15 characters long so THATS A THING. none of the numbers are anywhere in her DOB or anything. She is also 31 years old and called her mom to make sure her insurance card was valid.
Ummmmm. This week has flown by. It feels like just yesterday I was super mega hella hungover after the night my brother threw a subway sandwich at me and I made a friend! This weekend will be a busy one--going to my cousin's bday party on Saturday. I have brunch plans Sunday morning and then I'm going to the cubs game with BOE.
It has been RIDICULOUSLY cold here. Not as rainy as I know it has been in DC, but not pleasant. It certainly doesn't feel like July. Like this is NOT COOL.
In OTHER NEWS, after telling a friend that I've given up and am just going to wait for a friend to fake marry to save puppies (FOR THE TROPE!) and subsequently saying nobody is good ENOIGH, DAN SUGGESTED CHRIS EVANS. "I'm straight, but damn." I keep my chrevansing off of Facebook (limited to tumblr and my computer's desktop background) so I was FLABBERGASTED AND AMUSED.
THATS ABOUT IT. I had a good America weekend full of butts and baseball and my bro.
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oh right, soulmate level match.
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Your patient sounds like an idiot, you should not be calling your parent to ask about your insurance at that age and you should DEFINITELY know your actual social security number.
Have I not heard the full story of the night your brother threw a sandwich at you and you made a friend?
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PART 1.
NO HE DID NOT EVEN LOOK AT ME (that i saw, i didn't stare at him all the time because i'm a crazy person but not that bonkers).
SO: THE SAGA OF THE NIGHT MY BROTHER THREW A SANDWICH AT ME, A TALE BY AMBER:
We went to Wrigley at like 2:45, game starts at 6:15 but we're going to the bleachers which open at 4:15 because my DUMBASS BROTHER is convinced that only t he first 1000 fans get this free cubs cammo hat. (Spoiler alert IT WAS TEN THOUSAND). I promised to take him to a wrigley bar, so naturally, I took him to the one I used to work in. I saw like four girls I knew and used to work with and none of them was IA, which was awesome. Dani brought out my food and Hot Manager came by to check on us and THEN he saw that it was me and asked me when i aws going to start picking up shifts. HA. HA. ha. And then made fun of me for ordering BBQ chicken fingers, as I did like, every day last year.
Anyway, we split the chicken fingers, which was apparently fine to work on for a 15 hour shift, but NOT for a whole afternoon and evening of drinking. I had a 'MERICA fishbowl, B had a fishbowl and a beer, and Chris discounted my bill which CRACKED ME UP.
So we get to the thing, and I'm sure you know this: Regular amber curses a lot. Sports amber curses a lot. Drunk amber curses a lot. When you combine all three Ambers....look, people say Amy Poehler is a swearing artist...amy p ain't got nothin' on me. So we had been sitting amongst a bunch of children, which WHO BRINGS KIDS TO THE BLEACHERS AT WRIGLEY? THAT IS A BAD IDEA. So we see a group of bros who are heckling the marlins, and we're like LET'S MOVE DOWN BY THEM.
It's four guys and then a girl at the end and we start chatting and within five minutes, we have aligned them with brian's friends, because apparently all bros are the same, idk? And then brian and two of the guys go to get beer, and the girl's like YOU OWE ME ONE, but it became clear that they didn't know each other? And i thought the girla nd the guy on the end were dating so i was like WAIT ARE YOU HERE BY YOURSELF? and she said yes, and i was all COME SIT BY ME.
So she came down one row to sit by me. We got to talking, she moved here from Austin three weeks ago, but is from tennessee. Her dad bought her cubs tickets so she could have something to do on the 4th. Blah blah blah, the game happens, I've consumed a fishbowl and two beers and am feeling GOOD. We go to the bathroom, get more beer and hot dogs, and WHILE I'M SHOVING HOT DOGS INTO MY FANNY PACK (not a euphemism), FREAKIGN KRIS BRYANT HITS A GRAND SLAM.
Blah blah blah, more beer (i think i ended up having like four beers at the game?), no water, lots of fireworks. Then the guys convince us to go out to a bar. So that happened. Only E and I had to pee, so I left the boys to go to the bar and i told them that we'd meet them there. Some time later, we leave the bathroom, in a stampede, and this bro starts hitting on me. I think i grabbed his butt? i'm not sure, I was really drunk at this point. We head to the bar, Bro 1 (thomas's doppleganger) is buying everyone shots of fireball because WHY NOT, so I have a shot. Then we go to a different bar, without the bros but with MY bro, and it was Old Crow, which is awesome. I freaking love old crow, but it's always so crowded. (TURNS OUT I KNOW THE DOOR GUY THERE LOL @ MY LIFE DECISIONS, though i knew him through work, so maybe not).
Long and short of it, Brian wants to go home after two more beers (holy crap no wonder i felt like garbage sunday). E doesn't want to leave. But i'm not comfortable leaving any girl in wrigley by herself, much less one who is NEW TO THE CITY, LIVES IN HYDE PARK SO IS NOT FAMILIAR WITH THE AREA, AND WHO IS PLASTERED, WITH A *DEAD PHONE* at a BAR by HERSELF. Brian's starting to get pissed so I basically drag E out of the bar with me, and put her in a cab.
So here's where it gets interesting:
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apparently, drunk crying runs in the family. Brian, at some point, decides that he's going to throw a brian fit. He did this when we were kids all the time. I would tell him to "shut up, brian" and he wouldn't talk for FOUR HOURS. We're very stubborn. But essentially he acts INSANE for a bit. He stopped on the street, just before the L, and is SOBBING about how I DON'T LOVE HIM that i care more about a girl i just met and used the phrase, BLOOD IS THICKER THAN WATER like, hmm, 40 times, probably? Says something about how he'd rather sleep on the street than come back to my apartment with someone who doesn't care about him at all. When I tried to explain girl code to him, he got super upset. And honestly, I would have let him stand and throw a fit all ngiht, except he was drunker than me, HIS phone was dead (seriously, people AIRPLANE MODE), and he is also unfamiliar with the city AND doesn't have my address.
So.
I finally talk some sense into him: i love him, i wanted him there, and i LEFT DIDN'T I? And i know he didn't want to come, and that's fine, but please come back to my house FOR MOM, if nothing else. Because MOM WOULD KILL ME if I left him there. Somehow that works. The guilt is strong in this one.
We get back on track, and I realize that HEY HE HASN'T HAD ANYTHING TO EAT in like, EIGHT HOURS, and there's a 24 hour subway right here, so let's go grab a sandwich. I frequented that subway the last two summers because it was the only place open when i would finish work. I tell Brian we're going in there andhe's likE great i have to pee! Only with many places in the city, they have a buzzer lock on the bathroom. As i'm ordering the sandwiches, he's being a jerk about the bathroom.
I don't really know what trigger the incident, but we are FAR AWAY FROM THE SUBWAY. We've made the last turn to get back to my house, and we're WALKING DOWN THE STREET and the next thing I know, BRIAN HAS LAUNCHED HIS SANDWICH OUT OF HIS HAND (he's walking slightly behind me and to the side) and it has FLOWN THROUGH THE AIR and slapped me in the head. I ask him WHAT WAS THAT FOR!?!?! and he says he doesn't know, and laughed hysterically.
We get back to my house and he's like, I should shower. He starts the shower and then comes out to the main part of my apartment, and sits on the air mattress. Takes a bite of his sandwich, MAKES A FACE, and opens the sandwich. THEN, he says, "YOU PUT LETTUCE ON THE SANDWICH?!?!"
Keep in mind, this is a subway oven roasted chicken sandwich. It is on white bread. It is chicken, cheese, lettuce, and ranch. An eight year old would be very happy eating this no-flavor sandwich.
THEN HE PROCEEDS TO SCRAPE THE SHREDDED LETTUCE OFF THE SANDWICH AND *ONTO THE FLOOR OF MY APARTMENT*
he then gets in the shower, and I am left to clean up the shreds on my own.
The alarm clock rings at 7:18. I've been awake for an hour. I am so hungover I want to die, but I have to get my brother in an uber to the airport.
He gives me a hug. All is well.
#siblinglove
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