So here comes the ranting and raving . . .
Why in so many cases does growing up mean growing apart? I could just be acting too much like a girl and imagining things, but I have spent the entire night crying because my brother and friends I've known my entire life were inconsiderate towards me. I'm a little ashamed of the crying outburst, but since it's July, I figured that it's about time for the first good cry of the year (I only allow myself two).
When did having a significant other become so damn important? It's really not for me. I cannot handle committment so I don't date. It seems pretty simple to me. Recently, it seems like there's this couples club surrounding me. I never wanted to get in before (I've always heard techno music when I get too close to the door, which reminds me why I don't want in), but now a lot of my friends are inside, and I'm outside hanging out with the vallet guy. I really don't want inside either, I just don't want to be alone. It seems like to these friends that I have become what they despise - single by choice. It's like I cannot possibly relate to them anymore because they are moving on with their lives and I still need to grow up. I don't know if they consider me the enemy because of competition or what. I just don't understand marriage. Maybe someday I will. I just don't see how people honestly can know that they want to wake up to that special someone every day for the rest of their life. I've never experienced anything remotely similar to that. I don't believe in love. It isn't real - a figment of the imagination, that's all. Don't get me wrong, I believe in friendship and happiness, and laughing so hard you pee your pants. That's what's going to get me through my lifetime, not finding a significant other.
Then there is my brother. Have you ever felt unwanted at a party? I've always prided myself on sensing what other people are feeling. That way I can kind of avoid sticky situations. Well, it has come to my attention several times that my brother doesn't want me around. I'm great for a dinner guest (I'm a good conversationalist :)), but when it comes time for an evening out on the town, I just don't make the cut. I can think of so many times that I've felt like I wasn't wanted or that I was being pushed out of the door, and I've always made excuses. I'm Jay's little sister. I know that he doesn't want me around all the time, especially in a bar type atmosphere. He has never invited me out with them; hell, he's never invited me to his house when they have people over. I'm tired of that. I'm not a fair weather friend; I'm in it for the long haul, but I expect the same from my friends. I can't help but wondering if I'm not good enough to hang out with my own brother. Kinda makes a girl think.
But thanks for listening through all of this. It's funny, the people that have known me the shortest amount of time (by this I mean since I've come to college) are the ones who know my character best. And sorry to everyone who has a boyfriend and there and hasn't been treating me like a leper. This wasn't directed towards you
When did having a significant other become so damn important? It's really not for me. I cannot handle committment so I don't date. It seems pretty simple to me. Recently, it seems like there's this couples club surrounding me. I never wanted to get in before (I've always heard techno music when I get too close to the door, which reminds me why I don't want in), but now a lot of my friends are inside, and I'm outside hanging out with the vallet guy. I really don't want inside either, I just don't want to be alone. It seems like to these friends that I have become what they despise - single by choice. It's like I cannot possibly relate to them anymore because they are moving on with their lives and I still need to grow up. I don't know if they consider me the enemy because of competition or what. I just don't understand marriage. Maybe someday I will. I just don't see how people honestly can know that they want to wake up to that special someone every day for the rest of their life. I've never experienced anything remotely similar to that. I don't believe in love. It isn't real - a figment of the imagination, that's all. Don't get me wrong, I believe in friendship and happiness, and laughing so hard you pee your pants. That's what's going to get me through my lifetime, not finding a significant other.
Then there is my brother. Have you ever felt unwanted at a party? I've always prided myself on sensing what other people are feeling. That way I can kind of avoid sticky situations. Well, it has come to my attention several times that my brother doesn't want me around. I'm great for a dinner guest (I'm a good conversationalist :)), but when it comes time for an evening out on the town, I just don't make the cut. I can think of so many times that I've felt like I wasn't wanted or that I was being pushed out of the door, and I've always made excuses. I'm Jay's little sister. I know that he doesn't want me around all the time, especially in a bar type atmosphere. He has never invited me out with them; hell, he's never invited me to his house when they have people over. I'm tired of that. I'm not a fair weather friend; I'm in it for the long haul, but I expect the same from my friends. I can't help but wondering if I'm not good enough to hang out with my own brother. Kinda makes a girl think.
But thanks for listening through all of this. It's funny, the people that have known me the shortest amount of time (by this I mean since I've come to college) are the ones who know my character best. And sorry to everyone who has a boyfriend and there and hasn't been treating me like a leper. This wasn't directed towards you