Journal - "24 Hour Comic Day!"
PARTYTIME!!!
I still have... 3ish hours until I can actually start, but I figured I'd put this post up now. Y'know. Pre-gaming and all that.
( Keep Refreshing Now and Then for Updates! )
I still have... 3ish hours until I can actually start, but I figured I'd put this post up now. Y'know. Pre-gaming and all that.
( Keep Refreshing Now and Then for Updates! )
This is, of course, impossible.
Because he killed the man she loved. And because he’s too afraid to ever tell her that. Impossible, because he is Jason Stackhouse and being Jason Stackhouse means that he’ll never quite manage to make anything right.
But still he tries.
(bit by bit sisyphus pushes.)
He brings her flowers, while her eyes seem to pierce through him. She refuses to take them, yelling at him that she doesn’t need any damn pity flowers and, even more than that, she certainly doesn’t need Jason Fucking Stackhouse in her miserable excuse of a life.
Jason can understand that and he thinks (really and truly thinks) that maybe he ought to do as she says. Leave well enough alone. Bow out and try to desperately pretend that he doesn’t have anything to be sorry for anyway.
But there is something in those eyes that gives him pause.
(and bit by bit the rock moves.)
Something needing. Something old. Something familiar and aching and he still misses Amy so damn much and he knows he can’t leave now. Not while she is hurting like this. Not when he knows that her pain is because of some terrible thing that he did.
He isn’t sure what to do, but he knows that he can’t leave.
Slowly, he reaches for her hand. She watches him with those damn needing, angry eyes, but does not move away. He wraps his fingers around hers and squeezes.
She flinches.
“Why are you even here?”
(up and up and up it rolls.)
Because I killed him. Because I’m guilty. Because I wronged you.
“Because.” He says, almost too quiet for her to hear.
And he thinks that she must know the truth in some quiet part of her brain, because she is a billion times smarter than he is and because she keeps clenching her fist as if she wants nothing more than to punch him until there’s nothing left. But she doesn’t strike and he doesn’t let go of her hand.
(and he thinks that he might even make it to the top this time.)
“That ain’t a reason.” Her voice is hard.
“It’s the only one I got.” He says as he runs a thumb over her knuckles.
“It’s not enough.” She tells him as she pulls her hand out of his grasp. Just as slowly and carefully as he had reached for it. Unknotting and uncoiling. She will not have him and he can not make her keep him. “Jason, I am already too fucked up to deal with your bull shit. I just lost…” Her voice breaks, “…I’ve lost too much, okay?”
He can understand that. He’s lost about as much as she has after all. He can relate.
“Too much.” He nods, agrees. “Yeah.”
They stand there for a few moments, neither one really sure what to do.
Tara turns.
(of course he doesn’t make it. of course the rock rolls back down. of course nothing changes, nothing moves, nothing matters. sisyphus will try again and again and the rock will still never make it to the top.)
He watches as her hand grabs hold of the doorknob and turns away from her. He tried, after all, and maybe that counts for something. Maybe.
“Wait.”
He pauses on the bottom step and looks behind him. Tara’s back is still facing his.
“Leave the flowers.” She tells him. “I’m sure Sookie would like to put them in a vase or something.”
He nods, though she doesn’t see him. He gently sets the flowers on the ground, takes one last look at Tara’s back and makes his way down the path. He forces himself not to look behind him to see if she really does take the flowers inside.
In the back of his mind he begins making plans to come back tomorrow.
Maybe then he can tell her what really happened to Eggs.
Maybe then he’ll be able to explain how sorry he is.
Maybe she’ll even be able to forgive him.
(at the bottom of the hill again, sisyphus pauses.)
He’s not quite sure what tomorrow will bring.
But he has a good feeling.
(and begins his ascent once again.)
---
Notes: Uh, so I wrote this because... IDK. I ship them and it shames me. This was really hard to write, because I obvs have problems with Jason shooting Eggs, but I also think it's interesting to work with and um. IDK.
I miss you also. Less than a week!!!
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OMG I KNOW I KEEP THINKING ABOUT NEXT WEEKEND.
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My other problem is that I didn't really care that much about Eggs or Amy as characters and I didn't really like Eggs/Tara or Amy/Jason AT ALL, so I had to be careful not to dismiss those relationships just because I didn't like them. Because Jason REALLY thought he loved Amy (even if she was a crazy psycho) and Tara felt the same about Eggs (even though at least part of them getting together was orchestrated by Maryann).
So uh. Yes.
ME TOO!!! I do have to go to classes on Monday, but we're still gonna have a BLAST.
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Also, I apparently have a thing for trigger happy blonds who develop jesus complexes at some point in their respective narratives. Sometimes they are incredibly stupid. Most of the time they enjoy sleeping around.
What a weird fucking type.
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