"Monday, Monday."
It was one of those days.
::copies... pastes...:: This was from yesterday:
I cannot even get online, and I'm near tears right now. So I figure the next best thing to do is write. ::sigh:: today I was supposed to have high speed internet. The guys came over at just before 1pm. I had to leave at 1:10ish for a doctor's appointment. I could not mist his appointment, as it had been scheduled Dec. 4th, and they upped it to the 13th 'cause someone cancelled. Yay.
On the internet thing. Long story short: We have no phone. The receiver isn't working, either. Hell if I know when the latter will start working. The former is being fixed between 1 and 3 pm tomorrow. Though. Seeing as I don't have internet, this could very well be meaning today… the 14th.
I put a warning in now. Any guy who reads my blog, do not read any further. You 1. won't care about what's said, and 2. might be grossed out about it, and 3. have been warned. It is not my fault if you continue, so don't come complaining to me that you "seriously didn't need to know that." I'm aware. That's why I warn.
For everyone else still with me. I went to the gynecologist today. I have irregular periods. Irregular enough for me to go to the doctor about it, 'cause yah, was sorta told I should. So I did. My last period was 5 months ago. June 10. The next one is not coming anytime soon (so said the ultrasound). Oh yeah, did I mention I had an ultrasound today? Yeah. Much fun. As in not.
So, lots of girls have irregular periods. That's what I was told, too. To keep myself from freaking out, I decided to believe it. ::shrug:: Maybe it's true. My problem, though? It's not just randomly irregular periods. I have something called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS).
Up until today, I hadn't ever heard about that. At all. Now I know what it is. PCOS is a disorder that results from abnormal levels of certain hormones. I make more of the male hormone than most females do. Does this surprise me? Not all too much, no. Does it worry me? No. I'm still a female, despite what some might think. How long have I had it? I was born with it. That's right, *born* with it. It's a genetic thing. ::deadpan:: Yay.
So why was I near tears through most of today? And why was I actually crying on the phone to my twin sister? Because of what all PCOS is linked to… and how to go about treating it. There's a high chance that I can get diabetes. There's a chance I already have it. Type 2. I know a *lot* about diabetes. That in itself had me crying. A lot.
PCOS can lead to heart disease (which both my mother and father had - yay, what a thing to look forward to), high blood pressure (which my mother has), and as I already said diabetes. It can also (though as of yet it isn't) increase the risk that the lining of the uterus will grow too much - THAT is what it is that can lead to cancer. That is the thing my sister was scaring me about, without actually realizing it. The estrogen without the right balance of progesterone. It can lead to that, which can lead to cancer, *if not treated.*
The treatments… they include diabetes medicine to control insulin levels (if required, which I sure as hell hope it is not). They also include one of the things I wanted never, ever, ever to use. Birth control pills. I say pills because condoms are a form of birth control, and hell, I've never been against those. I'm not stupid. Of course, now that I think about it, I probably don't have to worry nearly as much as I did before.
::shrugs:: In order to relieve certain symptoms, birth control (pills, patch, shot, what have you) are prescribed. I intend very much to find out why. Sure, there are stupid easy to figure out reasons. I want the harder to figure out reasons. I. Do. Not. Want. Birth. Control. Pills. Or patch, or shot, or what have you. Thank you very much, I rather enjoy having only two to four times where I go fubar emotional female on everyone. We'll see.
On a good note, I don't have tumors on my ovaries. ::pause:: we won't even get into the possible one in the brain. ::mutter:: I swear, if ever a doctor wants to get a patient to just stare blankly at them (which I *very* much did), all they have to do is say that a possibility as to a problem in the southern region of the body has to do with a slight disorder in the north pole. Slight disorder as in 'possibly small tumor you were born with.' … grrreeeaaaat.
And what stupid arse thing is going through my head through all of this? "I don't want to be more girly." I don't want to have more emotional breakdowns. I don't want to create more tear hormone crap. I don't want to be more female than I already am. I happened to very much *like* who I am, and who I want to be. And believe me… being 'girly' is not one of those things.
And dear lord, don't make me make the decision as to whether I want kids or not. The answer right now is a flat out, resounding, "NO!"
Life is not fair.
::unpastes:: Today:
So, I find out that *it runs in the family*. Nice thing to find out. Needless to say, I pulled a Dei and stared blankly at my mother for some time. But that's okay. I got bloodwork done today, I get to figure out stuff tomorrow, I think, I don't know. I ate my nummy fruit salad (strawberries... comfort food, mmm)... and now. . .
I HAVE HIGH SPEED!!!!!!
::calculates:: less than three days! ::ish such a good calculator, just goes general, whee!::
::copies... pastes...:: This was from yesterday:
I cannot even get online, and I'm near tears right now. So I figure the next best thing to do is write. ::sigh:: today I was supposed to have high speed internet. The guys came over at just before 1pm. I had to leave at 1:10ish for a doctor's appointment. I could not mist his appointment, as it had been scheduled Dec. 4th, and they upped it to the 13th 'cause someone cancelled. Yay.
On the internet thing. Long story short: We have no phone. The receiver isn't working, either. Hell if I know when the latter will start working. The former is being fixed between 1 and 3 pm tomorrow. Though. Seeing as I don't have internet, this could very well be meaning today… the 14th.
I put a warning in now. Any guy who reads my blog, do not read any further. You 1. won't care about what's said, and 2. might be grossed out about it, and 3. have been warned. It is not my fault if you continue, so don't come complaining to me that you "seriously didn't need to know that." I'm aware. That's why I warn.
For everyone else still with me. I went to the gynecologist today. I have irregular periods. Irregular enough for me to go to the doctor about it, 'cause yah, was sorta told I should. So I did. My last period was 5 months ago. June 10. The next one is not coming anytime soon (so said the ultrasound). Oh yeah, did I mention I had an ultrasound today? Yeah. Much fun. As in not.
So, lots of girls have irregular periods. That's what I was told, too. To keep myself from freaking out, I decided to believe it. ::shrug:: Maybe it's true. My problem, though? It's not just randomly irregular periods. I have something called Polycystic Ovary Syndrome (PCOS).
Up until today, I hadn't ever heard about that. At all. Now I know what it is. PCOS is a disorder that results from abnormal levels of certain hormones. I make more of the male hormone than most females do. Does this surprise me? Not all too much, no. Does it worry me? No. I'm still a female, despite what some might think. How long have I had it? I was born with it. That's right, *born* with it. It's a genetic thing. ::deadpan:: Yay.
So why was I near tears through most of today? And why was I actually crying on the phone to my twin sister? Because of what all PCOS is linked to… and how to go about treating it. There's a high chance that I can get diabetes. There's a chance I already have it. Type 2. I know a *lot* about diabetes. That in itself had me crying. A lot.
PCOS can lead to heart disease (which both my mother and father had - yay, what a thing to look forward to), high blood pressure (which my mother has), and as I already said diabetes. It can also (though as of yet it isn't) increase the risk that the lining of the uterus will grow too much - THAT is what it is that can lead to cancer. That is the thing my sister was scaring me about, without actually realizing it. The estrogen without the right balance of progesterone. It can lead to that, which can lead to cancer, *if not treated.*
The treatments… they include diabetes medicine to control insulin levels (if required, which I sure as hell hope it is not). They also include one of the things I wanted never, ever, ever to use. Birth control pills. I say pills because condoms are a form of birth control, and hell, I've never been against those. I'm not stupid. Of course, now that I think about it, I probably don't have to worry nearly as much as I did before.
::shrugs:: In order to relieve certain symptoms, birth control (pills, patch, shot, what have you) are prescribed. I intend very much to find out why. Sure, there are stupid easy to figure out reasons. I want the harder to figure out reasons. I. Do. Not. Want. Birth. Control. Pills. Or patch, or shot, or what have you. Thank you very much, I rather enjoy having only two to four times where I go fubar emotional female on everyone. We'll see.
On a good note, I don't have tumors on my ovaries. ::pause:: we won't even get into the possible one in the brain. ::mutter:: I swear, if ever a doctor wants to get a patient to just stare blankly at them (which I *very* much did), all they have to do is say that a possibility as to a problem in the southern region of the body has to do with a slight disorder in the north pole. Slight disorder as in 'possibly small tumor you were born with.' … grrreeeaaaat.
And what stupid arse thing is going through my head through all of this? "I don't want to be more girly." I don't want to have more emotional breakdowns. I don't want to create more tear hormone crap. I don't want to be more female than I already am. I happened to very much *like* who I am, and who I want to be. And believe me… being 'girly' is not one of those things.
And dear lord, don't make me make the decision as to whether I want kids or not. The answer right now is a flat out, resounding, "NO!"
Life is not fair.
::unpastes:: Today:
So, I find out that *it runs in the family*. Nice thing to find out. Needless to say, I pulled a Dei and stared blankly at my mother for some time. But that's okay. I got bloodwork done today, I get to figure out stuff tomorrow, I think, I don't know. I ate my nummy fruit salad (strawberries... comfort food, mmm)... and now. . .
I HAVE HIGH SPEED!!!!!!
::calculates:: less than three days! ::ish such a good calculator, just goes general, whee!::