you know what sheep...*hug* i love you, and no matter what you go through, or how far away you go, or how much crap happens or anything...ill still be here for you. always. and i mean that.
i know what you mean, about things building up inside, i used to let that happen...i had anger built up in my for 3 years, i hardly ever cried. then i let it all go one night..at my greatgrandmas funeral..i cried so hard,especialy after me having to carry her casket...then a few weeks later, my friend Greg commited suicide, and i went to that...and his casket was in the same place as my greatgrandmas...you dont know how hard that was...and i let it all out...again...
after that, life kinda got bad for me...stressful, i pretty mcuh quit God and Church...i hated it. i really did...i mean, i never wanted to go back really. I blamed Him for a lot of things, basically everything. Id always fight with people, mainly family...my Grandma and Mom a lot. It got bad...really bad at points. Some nights I wouldnt sleep, some nights i wish i wouldnt wake up...some nights I would just wish the sky would fall down on me and eat me.
Id hide it, id tell everyone i was okay...happy...free...fine. But i wasnt, i lied...i had a mask on the whole time. Until last week. Friday. At a Youth Rally we had...i was bowing my head, in respect...i still had that, but not much left for Church...and a friend came and started praying for me...and i let go...i brokedown...i really,really brokedown. I let go of everything that was built up, the stress, the pain, the thoughts, the emotions, i blew it all out. I had to of prayed for an hour and a half...it was the longest ive prayed...in a logn time. and the most ive creid in a long time.
but to shorten things up a bit... im not wearing the mask anymore i can finally say im truly happy im truly free and im truly "back in the groove"
but whatever you go through, no matter how little or big it is..im here for you...and God is.
(its funny...because after reading that, it doesnt even seem like me...or the old me...i find that funny..but comforting)
i know what you mean, about things building up inside, i used to let that happen...i had anger built up in my for 3 years, i hardly ever cried. then i let it all go one night..at my greatgrandmas funeral..i cried so hard,especialy after me having to carry her casket...then a few weeks later, my friend Greg commited suicide, and i went to that...and his casket was in the same place as my greatgrandmas...you dont know how hard that was...and i let it all out...again...
after that, life kinda got bad for me...stressful, i pretty mcuh quit God and Church...i hated it. i really did...i mean, i never wanted to go back really. I blamed Him for a lot of things, basically everything. Id always fight with people, mainly family...my Grandma and Mom a lot. It got bad...really bad at points. Some nights I wouldnt sleep, some nights i wish i wouldnt wake up...some nights I would just wish the sky would fall down on me and eat me.
Id hide it, id tell everyone i was okay...happy...free...fine. But i wasnt, i lied...i had a mask on the whole time. Until last week. Friday. At a Youth Rally we had...i was bowing my head, in respect...i still had that, but not much left for Church...and a friend came and started praying for me...and i let go...i brokedown...i really,really brokedown. I let go of everything that was built up, the stress, the pain, the thoughts, the emotions, i blew it all out. I had to of prayed for an hour and a half...it was the longest ive prayed...in a logn time. and the most ive creid in a long time.
but to shorten things up a bit...
im not wearing the mask anymore
i can finally say im truly happy
im truly free
and im truly "back in the groove"
but whatever you go through, no matter how little or big it is..im here for you...and God is.
(its funny...because after reading that, it doesnt even seem like me...or the old me...i find that funny..but comforting)
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like more than a ton
=D
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