(no subject)

[lesbianese]

iv been doing a whole lot of thinking and talking with friends and i came to a shitload of conclusions. it hit me. this whole year..starting off at a new school..iv definately been doing a whole lot of experimenting..not only in boys, but in friends, school, motivation,.. everything. I started off highschool in a somewhat bad way. im not saying that i moved around a lot..but i did go through a few guys and it taught me something. im so happy i messed up a lot these past 6 months..because messing up is a lesson. iv messed up with friends, boys, school, family, and life. i think my main problem is that i dont think before i act. Iv been taking a lot of opportunities this year..good ones and bad ones. i thank god for the good ones and i thank him even more for the bad ones. i messed up too much, but it changed me. i was experimenting for the past 6 months with new people and personalities and this experimenting had an impact on how i view life. iv been able to observe differnt kinds of people and how people do and view things differently. experimenting with boys has opened my eyes a bit wider. i dont think its fair to blame all my mistakes done with guys on the fact that "all guys are the same..they only care about one thing"..cause first of all, its not true...i just needed to "think before acting" and realize that i shouldnt make fast decisions. there are those select few guys out there that actually care about you. they actually make you their everything and you make them yours. so this whole year ..i tell my friends.."guys are stupid, i hate them, their dicks"..but that also taught me something. i was the stupid one. for the past 3 years, iv done nothing but make mistakes and tell myself iv learned from them and i was gonna change, but really..i learned something..but i never changed. and for the past week, all iv done is think about life and the fact that i cant change people. i cant change the way people treat others...i cant change the way guys treat girls, i cant change the way life treats me...its me that needs to change. its all up to me. i know theres a lot of mistakes i cant take back and a lot of peoples opinions about me i cant change..but thats not to be blamed on anyone besides myself. people can say and think whatever they want to say and think about me. in other peoples eyes..im whatever they want me to be. my only job is to prove them wrong. drama comes and drama goes. its the nature of life. i just have to learn to go with the flow and not make drama what i live for..because most of what people fight and waste their time on..will not matter in the future. im not writing this entry to point out that im miserable and life sucks...im just stating the obvious.[ i <3 you tina cecere ]
anywaysss-
last night was fun =] at around 6ish i went to little ms. bellos house. tina was there <333 i took a big fall on the face in front of quite a few people. it was one of those things that happens to you...and you laugh so hard..but you wanna cry at how humiliating it was. haha <3. around 715 her dad came and picked us up and took us to the movies. we met up with bobby and andy and we all saw the pacifier. it was great. then robby, pico, chris, and alec came for like 10 minutes. i love them dudes. after the movie and after tina andy and bobby left, me and amy bought curly fries and sat down. lucky for me..amy had to leave before we started eating so me and my fat ass had to eat the curly fries alone. but then belle came and ate with me =]] i love her. after that i left and came home...jammed to music for a bit and slept. yep that was my friday.

xo rita.