(no subject)
:star:My Commission Status is: OPEN:star:
So I'm sitting here at 10 Pm after having got off of work with a giant hunk of leftover pork roast speared onto a dinner fork, staring into the cup of tea I made and came to the realization that today was really scary. Really -war- scary.
I should know war scary. I was in the army for nine years as a reservist, but two of those years were spent on deployment. I have never killed anybody, never shot at anybody, but was already ready to do so. I have had to take the wheel in a car so my NCO could unholster and chamber a round in his pistol to potentially cap some ass. I rode in the turret of an uparmor humvee all the way to Baghdad armed with an M249 that had a broken tripod leg. I spent a week in one form of MOPP ready or another (MOPP being a chemical suit) and had to sleep with my gas mask on my pillow next to my head because they liked to wake us up with SCUDD missles in the middle of the night. I had to rally and ready troops to deal with escaped detainees in my more recent deployment.
None of that was scary to me. I'm sure it scared the hell out of my family, but to me it was all kind of.. i'unno, Expected. But I have only been really scared three times now in my life and all three times have been for my fellow-soldier Husband, who is currently serving out another fun-filled year in Afganistan. First time was when we were both deployed (but to different countries. Me Iraw, him Afghanistan) and his base came under heavy attack. There were casualties, but the bad guys became part and pieces of the desert. Kinda scary because I saw the report on our HQ TV and immediately got in contact with him in time to hear some attack helicopters mopping up. But for some reason, it wasn't horribly scary.
Last month, the base he's at now came under the same kind of heavy attack. Again, there were casualties but he was fine. He sent me a message to reassure me that he was okay before word of the attack even hit the news, so I was puzzled and worried and relieved all at once. Today was another scary because some automated 'Command' voice called my phone telling me that there had been a helicopter that had gone down and casualties were incurred. I was frightened until they got to the part about next-of-kin having already been notified. I knew that it wasn't Mr. Right because notifications are always made in person, but there was still that part that's afraid.
I love Mr. Right and fear for him more than I fear for myself, even though I have complete confidence in him. <3 Sometimes, being an Army wife can really get to you. It's so much more of a strain when you're a waiting bystander rather than a participant.