things are looking up
or maybe that's just me. is it possible for to me to actually like my life in california. i think its happening. in a strange way, this place seems good for me. part of me feels like im taking the past and reshaping it into something more mangeable. im carving out safety in a place where i used to feel alone. if i can feel proud and safe amongst a sea of jesus freaks, then i can do it anywhere. maybe that is what this is about.
i am making a big commitment this week. my own car. with monthly payments and tire changes, and air conditioning and my own tunes. and mostly no jesus fish or god bless the USA on the bumper. no rainbow flags either. not yet. but that day will come. it is one step closer. one step toward the horizon. and just beyond that, my real life.
i've been playing the idea of actually going out to play somewhere. like my guitar in a coffee shop or an open mic. i need bravery. i need to quiet the voice that has kept me still. i need to do this. i need to do this. this is what i need to do.
i am making a big commitment this week. my own car. with monthly payments and tire changes, and air conditioning and my own tunes. and mostly no jesus fish or god bless the USA on the bumper. no rainbow flags either. not yet. but that day will come. it is one step closer. one step toward the horizon. and just beyond that, my real life.
i've been playing the idea of actually going out to play somewhere. like my guitar in a coffee shop or an open mic. i need bravery. i need to quiet the voice that has kept me still. i need to do this. i need to do this. this is what i need to do.