On Zelda Twilight Princess, and why I'm getting mad...
So, uhm, really?
I hate the new Zelda, and I hate it with a passion. Never have I been so excited about an upcoming game. But neh, what did I get for waiting three years? Certainly, I've got a good game, one that is better than most of the others and better than the next games will most probably be.
I've seen a lot of people argueing The Wind Waker would have been the worst Zelda ever. I can't agree. Wholeheartedly I agree, there were lots of things going wrong with that game. But all these things couldn't destroy the entertainment it's giving (besides, that Triforce thing-y is annoying you might want to scratch the CD on purpose). However, there were almost no things that were happening to Twilight Princess which could have affected the game negatively. Still, what finally were released in November 2006 in America and December 2006 in Europe and Japan is the biggest disappointment Nintendo has ever brought to my eyes since Luigi's Mansion.
Twilight Princess is a great start for the Wii, but it's not a great end for the GameCube. Not that this platform ever was great itself. It lacked certain things such as good games -- quite important for a console.
Let's start with the obvious: The first thing you get in both Ocarina of Time and Twilight Princess is the slingshot. In Ocarina of Time, you can use this 'weapon' through the game's development, and you only get that shiny thing for the arrows when you're an adult. In Twilight Princess, though it's really fun to shoot around, you get the slingshot and immediately afterwards (i.e. first dungeon) the bow. Now, why did I have to buy the slingshot? To kick an ape's butt. Oh rly?! Yes, really. For only one action you had to buy that stupid thing you'll never use again. It's the same with any other weapon you get in that game, except for the bow and the grapple which you need frequently.
There's absolutely no magic in this game. Maybe for a reason -- you don't need it. Your villains are so fucking easy I could have managed them in my sleep when I was five years old. No, not joking. I'm not good at that, I died several times in all other Zeldas. Twilight Princess, too. Just not the villain's fault. I just fell off a bridge. So, well. That says something about Twilight Princess, doesn't it?
Anyway, you, who read my previous entries where I'm going all squee about Twilight Princess, might want to ask what changed my opinion so rapidly. Well, let's say the last six dungeons were a joke. You hadn't enough time outside the original plot for the first thirty hours so you didn't notice this world is dead. In Hyrule there's only one side-quest, that bit with the poor Goron. Besides that, Hyrule is dead (okay, Agneta -- man, isn't she annoying!?); there's no one that seems to care their fucking princess is in danger, their castle is hidden in a black and yellow something. They're like "Omigod, there's, like, totally a circus in the city, like, how long will it stay here, lulzorz!?" ... SORRY, WHERE DID YOU MENTION THIS GAME IS MORE MATURE?! I MEAN, FUCK YOU, STOP TELLING TALES.
It is the greatest game of all games ... for thirty hours you love it, you don't ever want to play anything else! And then you go "screw you, Nintendo; you just killed the legend!"
I hate the new Zelda, and I hate it with a passion. Never have I been so excited about an upcoming game. But neh, what did I get for waiting three years? Certainly, I've got a good game, one that is better than most of the others and better than the next games will most probably be.
I've seen a lot of people argueing The Wind Waker would have been the worst Zelda ever. I can't agree. Wholeheartedly I agree, there were lots of things going wrong with that game. But all these things couldn't destroy the entertainment it's giving (besides, that Triforce thing-y is annoying you might want to scratch the CD on purpose). However, there were almost no things that were happening to Twilight Princess which could have affected the game negatively. Still, what finally were released in November 2006 in America and December 2006 in Europe and Japan is the biggest disappointment Nintendo has ever brought to my eyes since Luigi's Mansion.
Twilight Princess is a great start for the Wii, but it's not a great end for the GameCube. Not that this platform ever was great itself. It lacked certain things such as good games -- quite important for a console.
Let's start with the obvious: The first thing you get in both Ocarina of Time and Twilight Princess is the slingshot. In Ocarina of Time, you can use this 'weapon' through the game's development, and you only get that shiny thing for the arrows when you're an adult. In Twilight Princess, though it's really fun to shoot around, you get the slingshot and immediately afterwards (i.e. first dungeon) the bow. Now, why did I have to buy the slingshot? To kick an ape's butt. Oh rly?! Yes, really. For only one action you had to buy that stupid thing you'll never use again. It's the same with any other weapon you get in that game, except for the bow and the grapple which you need frequently.
There's absolutely no magic in this game. Maybe for a reason -- you don't need it. Your villains are so fucking easy I could have managed them in my sleep when I was five years old. No, not joking. I'm not good at that, I died several times in all other Zeldas. Twilight Princess, too. Just not the villain's fault. I just fell off a bridge. So, well. That says something about Twilight Princess, doesn't it?
Anyway, you, who read my previous entries where I'm going all squee about Twilight Princess, might want to ask what changed my opinion so rapidly. Well, let's say the last six dungeons were a joke. You hadn't enough time outside the original plot for the first thirty hours so you didn't notice this world is dead. In Hyrule there's only one side-quest, that bit with the poor Goron. Besides that, Hyrule is dead (okay, Agneta -- man, isn't she annoying!?); there's no one that seems to care their fucking princess is in danger, their castle is hidden in a black and yellow something. They're like "Omigod, there's, like, totally a circus in the city, like, how long will it stay here, lulzorz!?" ... SORRY, WHERE DID YOU MENTION THIS GAME IS MORE MATURE?! I MEAN, FUCK YOU, STOP TELLING TALES.
It is the greatest game of all games ... for thirty hours you love it, you don't ever want to play anything else! And then you go "screw you, Nintendo; you just killed the legend!"