Off Topic (Sorry!)

[lertulo]

My wife is sick of hearing about these, but I can't stop laughing. I stumbled across this site earlier, and have selected some of my favorites for your reading enjoyment:

• The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.
  
  
• Most people have 23 pairs of chromosomes. Chuck Norris has 72... and they're all poisonous.
  
  
• Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.
  
  
• Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"
  
  
• Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
  
  
• Chuck Norris can hit you so hard that he can actually alter your DNA. Decades from now your descendants will occasionally clutch their heads and yell "What the hell was that?"
  
  
• Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
  
  
• When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.
  
  
• Chuck Norris can believe it's not butter.
  
  
• Chuck Norris can divide by zero.
  
  
• While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.
  
  
• Chuck Norris knows the EXACT location of Carmen SanDiego.
  
  
• Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.
  
  
• It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
  
  
• Chuck Norris doesn't believe in Germany.
  
  
• Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
  
  
• Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
  
  
• Chuck Norris let the dogs out.
  
  
• Chuck Norris once bench-pressed the entire state of Ohio.
  
  
• Chuck Norris can cook minute rice in 30 seconds.
  
  
• When Chuck Norris cuts an onion, the onion cries.
  
  
• Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
  
  
• Chuck Norris qualified with a top speed of 324 mph at the Daytona 500 without a car.
  
  
• Chuck Norris throws out the gum and chews the tin foil.
  
  
• Chuck Norris does not style his hair; it lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.