A Review in Counterfactuals
The last one was a good book, so it's the turn of a not-so-good book. I did finish, but halfway through the climactic chase scene I got distracted and did a Basque lesson.
If I had contact telepathy and someone in a small town was trying to kill me, I would get very good at making excuses to touch everyone I met.
If I were the lord of a small town and trying to break up a longstanding smuggling ring, I would not immediately assume that the meek woman who came to town a week ago was involved, merely because she was nervous around me and blushed a lot. (Note that she was also his wife, and he had a hideous facial scar.)
If I were trying to kill a young woman by pushing her off a cliff and she managed to catch a hold of a rock twenty feet down and seemed to be climbing up with great effort in spite of my flinging rocks and gravel at her, I would wait at the top and kick her face when she got close enough.
If I were second in line to inherit a fortune and hated the guy who was first in line, and he came strolling down a beach where I had a gun and twenty loyal mooks with guns, I would shoot him, or possibly have my twenty mooks drown him. Shooting is not too good for my enemies, especially not my enemies whom I have already tortured by murdering their pregnant wives in front of them. Bonus: if I can pull off that "drowned while swimming" thing, I can probably marry the hot second wife.
If I married a woman and she told me some guys in the woods tried to shoot her, my first response would not be a previously-unawakened lust, nor would it be accusing her of lying--and especially not simultaneously. If I thought she was just being hysterical that time for some reason, the cliff-pushing incident, the disappearance of her maid, the shredding of her personal belongings, and a trip-wire set for her on some stairs, would definitely convince me something was up. Especially if I were trying to track down an implacable foe who murdered my pregnant first wife in cold blood just to piss me off. If said wife said that she'd been attacked several times in her room and her cat kept getting out when the door was closed, I would not threaten to lock her in said room for her own safety. BONUS: If I found the corpse of my wife's maid shot in the head AND stabbed several times, no matter HOW stupid I thought my (educated, calm, rational) wife was, I would no longer accuse her of making things up to get my attention.
If I were, for whatever reason, constantly being accused of witchcraft, in a society where being believed to be a witch can be impoverishing if not lethal, and I happened by some coincidence to find a half-drowned black kitten with too many toes on its back feet, I would nurse it to health secretly and then release it in the garden, rather than keeping it as a pet.
If for some reason I were writing a novel with an amnesiac male lead (writing to deadline, perhaps, and it's the only way to explain why he doesn't recognize the guy who mugged him and murdered his wife? except wait, the wife-murdering was done by proxy...) and I wanted him to recover his memory at a crucial moment rather than piecing together a new life (sigh, I can understand the closure aspect)... IF all that, I still would not have that crucial moment involve severe head trauma. THE SECOND ANVIL DOES NOT FIX YOUR MEMORY UNLESS YOU ARE TWO-DIMENSIONAL... wait.
The last two sentences of this novel: "She pressed a kiss to his muscular chest. The spurned viscountess had won the viscount’s heart."
The title? "The Spurned Viscountess." I recommend it... for reading aloud with friends only.
If I had contact telepathy and someone in a small town was trying to kill me, I would get very good at making excuses to touch everyone I met.
If I were the lord of a small town and trying to break up a longstanding smuggling ring, I would not immediately assume that the meek woman who came to town a week ago was involved, merely because she was nervous around me and blushed a lot. (Note that she was also his wife, and he had a hideous facial scar.)
If I were trying to kill a young woman by pushing her off a cliff and she managed to catch a hold of a rock twenty feet down and seemed to be climbing up with great effort in spite of my flinging rocks and gravel at her, I would wait at the top and kick her face when she got close enough.
If I were second in line to inherit a fortune and hated the guy who was first in line, and he came strolling down a beach where I had a gun and twenty loyal mooks with guns, I would shoot him, or possibly have my twenty mooks drown him. Shooting is not too good for my enemies, especially not my enemies whom I have already tortured by murdering their pregnant wives in front of them. Bonus: if I can pull off that "drowned while swimming" thing, I can probably marry the hot second wife.
If I married a woman and she told me some guys in the woods tried to shoot her, my first response would not be a previously-unawakened lust, nor would it be accusing her of lying--and especially not simultaneously. If I thought she was just being hysterical that time for some reason, the cliff-pushing incident, the disappearance of her maid, the shredding of her personal belongings, and a trip-wire set for her on some stairs, would definitely convince me something was up. Especially if I were trying to track down an implacable foe who murdered my pregnant first wife in cold blood just to piss me off. If said wife said that she'd been attacked several times in her room and her cat kept getting out when the door was closed, I would not threaten to lock her in said room for her own safety. BONUS: If I found the corpse of my wife's maid shot in the head AND stabbed several times, no matter HOW stupid I thought my (educated, calm, rational) wife was, I would no longer accuse her of making things up to get my attention.
If I were, for whatever reason, constantly being accused of witchcraft, in a society where being believed to be a witch can be impoverishing if not lethal, and I happened by some coincidence to find a half-drowned black kitten with too many toes on its back feet, I would nurse it to health secretly and then release it in the garden, rather than keeping it as a pet.
If for some reason I were writing a novel with an amnesiac male lead (writing to deadline, perhaps, and it's the only way to explain why he doesn't recognize the guy who mugged him and murdered his wife? except wait, the wife-murdering was done by proxy...) and I wanted him to recover his memory at a crucial moment rather than piecing together a new life (sigh, I can understand the closure aspect)... IF all that, I still would not have that crucial moment involve severe head trauma. THE SECOND ANVIL DOES NOT FIX YOUR MEMORY UNLESS YOU ARE TWO-DIMENSIONAL... wait.
The last two sentences of this novel: "She pressed a kiss to his muscular chest. The spurned viscountess had won the viscount’s heart."
The title? "The Spurned Viscountess." I recommend it... for reading aloud with friends only.