I feel like crap.
Well, I feel kinda like crap today.
A friend, like my BEST friend from highschool and several years after sent me a friend reqest on Facebook today. Mary. We haven't talked in like two years, she doesn't agree with my relationship choice. She got it in her head that Sarah changed me, which she did. But, Sarah changed me for the better. Sarah gave me confidence in myself, she made me love myself. I am a happier person since I met her. I got off the antidepressants when I met Sarah, so I changed in that way too and she liked the person I was when I was on the meds better than she liked the real me.
That really hurt, and we just kinda stopped talking. There was never a fight or anything, just kinda fizzled out. We went from talking every single day and hanging out a few times a week to talking once a week, to once a month, to once in a blue moon, to never.
Well, she friended me on Facebook today and I got all excited, I posted something on her wall, and I hope she'll post back. Maybe we can pick up our friendship again, I really miss her.
But that isn't the part that makes me feel like crap. From her Facebook page I saw one of my other best friends, Cheree. Me and Cheree got into it like two years ago and didn't talk for like a year. It was something stupid, I can't even remember exactly now. She did something, and it pissed me off. But, after about a year she messaged me on Myspace and said she was sorry and I said I was sorry back. And we started talking again. Well it kinda fizzled out, and we only send a text every once in a while just to see how each other is doing.
So, on Mary's page I find out Cheree is getting married and she didn't even tell me. It kinda makes me feel like shit. I mean, she didn't have to invite me, but she could have at least told me. You know how girls start planning their wedding before they even meed the groom? Well her plans included two brides maids, and I was one of them. I didn't expect to still be one, but I would have thought she would have called me. If I were allowed to get married I would call her.
I guess it works. I don't really like going to weddings. They always make me cry and I hate crying. I don't cry because I am happy for the person (Don't get me wrong, I am happy I'm not selfish) but because I know that I can't have that. I can't stand up in front of my friends and family and have some guy pronounce Sarah my wife. I am told that I can't ever have that. So after I get home from a wedding I get all depressed and stay that way for a few days.
Am I just being a jackass here? Should this upset me this bad? I am not mad at her, it's her life and she can do what she wants, I am just hurt.
Somebody smack me. x.x
A friend, like my BEST friend from highschool and several years after sent me a friend reqest on Facebook today. Mary. We haven't talked in like two years, she doesn't agree with my relationship choice. She got it in her head that Sarah changed me, which she did. But, Sarah changed me for the better. Sarah gave me confidence in myself, she made me love myself. I am a happier person since I met her. I got off the antidepressants when I met Sarah, so I changed in that way too and she liked the person I was when I was on the meds better than she liked the real me.
That really hurt, and we just kinda stopped talking. There was never a fight or anything, just kinda fizzled out. We went from talking every single day and hanging out a few times a week to talking once a week, to once a month, to once in a blue moon, to never.
Well, she friended me on Facebook today and I got all excited, I posted something on her wall, and I hope she'll post back. Maybe we can pick up our friendship again, I really miss her.
But that isn't the part that makes me feel like crap. From her Facebook page I saw one of my other best friends, Cheree. Me and Cheree got into it like two years ago and didn't talk for like a year. It was something stupid, I can't even remember exactly now. She did something, and it pissed me off. But, after about a year she messaged me on Myspace and said she was sorry and I said I was sorry back. And we started talking again. Well it kinda fizzled out, and we only send a text every once in a while just to see how each other is doing.
So, on Mary's page I find out Cheree is getting married and she didn't even tell me. It kinda makes me feel like shit. I mean, she didn't have to invite me, but she could have at least told me. You know how girls start planning their wedding before they even meed the groom? Well her plans included two brides maids, and I was one of them. I didn't expect to still be one, but I would have thought she would have called me. If I were allowed to get married I would call her.
I guess it works. I don't really like going to weddings. They always make me cry and I hate crying. I don't cry because I am happy for the person (Don't get me wrong, I am happy I'm not selfish) but because I know that I can't have that. I can't stand up in front of my friends and family and have some guy pronounce Sarah my wife. I am told that I can't ever have that. So after I get home from a wedding I get all depressed and stay that way for a few days.
Am I just being a jackass here? Should this upset me this bad? I am not mad at her, it's her life and she can do what she wants, I am just hurt.
Somebody smack me. x.x