(no subject)
Spoilers and Rant:
Fair warning, this is all pretty much just stream of consciousness. It doesn't make much sense, but it's poisoning me and I need to get it out.
So. Glee. Loved this episode. It was everything I expected it to be without being a total let-down like other episodes I've predicted. Unfortunately, despite enjoying myself, my mother just had to walk in on the King/Queen dance between Kurt and Blaine and ruin everything. "Why do they have to keep shoving all the gay stuff in our faces?"
Why the hell do you have to comment?! If you don't like it, keep you goddamn mouth shut! I'm so sick of the constant stream of hate coming from her mouth.
The other day I was telling my sister about something funny that happened in the scene between Karofsky and Santana in the Lima Bean (the magical color-changing laptop) and to give her a frame of reference about why it was funny I mentioned that it happened right after Santana told Karofsky she knew he was gay. For once I wasn't being overtly supportive or anything, I was just stating the context, but my dad was all like "What? I don't want you focusing on all that gay stuff."
Okay. Seriously? Get. over. yourself.
I am trying to clean up my language because I swear way too much, but most of what I have to say to my parents right now is pretty much exclusively expletives and it makes no sense, which is why I can't confront them. If I do, I'm just going to get all inarticulate and frustrated until it escalates to the point where I just start screaming, which doesn't help get my goddamn point across. I want to tell them how much their comments are killing me, how much damage they're doing to kids everywhere by letting their hatred spread to my siblings, but god I'm so scared. If I didn't live with them, maybe I could do it, but I'm so afraid of getting kick out or having my dad freak out on me again. I just can't. I feel like such a coward. It's too much. Something is going to have to give and I don't want it to be me or the decent relationship I've finally built with my mother, but god, I don't think I can stand this much longer.
I just want to punch someone in the teeth. I know it won't solve anything at all, but... I know I'm right. There cannot be something wrong with being gay if gay people exist. If God or whoever didn't want gays to exist He could just poof them or their "gayness" away. I mean, there's something to be said for "free agency" but really? There's no excuse for this kind of small mindedness. It's only going to get someone else killed some day.
I swear, one day when I have children and they have friends, I'm going to be the kind of open-minded, non-judgmental mother who loves her children unconditionally regardless of their actions. I can't offer the conditional-love my parents do. It hurts too much.