Crabby Saturday
I have been told italics is a writing device that is almost never used well. What follows is not only an example of poor usage because I ‘tell’ you my thoughts rather than ‘show’ them. But also because I am sure I will regret this after I post it.
On Saturday night I shall be crabby and irritating to be around. Why? How can I tell the future so well? Perhaps a story will shed some light. What follows is how I see events unfolding when I see the girl I like on Saturday. To protect my dignity I shall call the girl in question Ginny Weasley - if only because if somebody asks I can pass this off as INCREDIBLY poorly written Harry Potter fan-fiction.
[Ginny and I arrange to meet up in a trendy café in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs. And ‘lo, we are in a trendy café in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs!]
Waiter: What would you guys like?
Why did you agree to meet Ginny in a café David? You both loathe and detest coffee. This is hardly going to add to your macho cred…
Ginny: I’ll have a skim cap. two sugars
David: Hot Chocolate
See right there, massive loss of macho points
Ginny: So what have you been up to David?
David: Work, usual stuff, you?
Ginny: Same
Well that in no way stimulated conversation.
And then this is what we traditionally call an awkward silence
Just think of a topic… uh… will you go out with me, but we are already out, having coffee - well hot chocolate. Anyway I would love to…
Maybe a different topic?
David: Hey, did you hear Ron’s engaged?
Ginny: Yeah, how surprising was that?
[This inane and annoying conversation continues for some time during which our drinks arrive… so I’ll sum up “Ron! Engaged! Unexpected as a panther! So happy for him!” So happy for him my eye, why can’t I be engaged, to Ginny for preference.
I’ll pick up this tale when Ginny changes the topic.]
Ginny: So, how is your new Bible study going?
David: Good, Luna in particular is great.
Crap, David be careful, does she know you used to like Luna? What if she thinks you still do!
David: Neville is good too, the way things and say don’t really cool.
Ah incoherence, always the way of the future, at least that probably distracted her… if she needed distracting.
David: How is your…
You have very little idea what she does in her spare time David, how on earth did you think you were going to finish this question?
David: … book reading going?
Okay, that was pretty good
[The conversation continues, she mentions books, that for the most part, I haven’t even heard of - we’ll resume the tale ten minutes later]
Ginny: We seem to have both finished our drinks. What do you want to do now?
Go to your apartment and make out all afternoon…
David: Don’t know
Ginny: Its okay, I’ve got stuff I should be doing anyway, take care David.
Do Something, Anything???
David: You too Ginny
Well David, you once again failed completely and totally to express ANY interest in her whatsoever. I must say, that was inept beyond the telling of it.
There ends the tale, wouldn’t you be crabby after such an inept attempt at flirting, being honest about your feelings and drinking a particularly awful cup of hot chocolate. (I know, that last one wasn’t in my tale - but the events are going to occur in a trendy Eastern Suburbs café, and you can’t be a trendy café without shockingly horrible hot chocolate.)
On Saturday night I shall be crabby and irritating to be around. Why? How can I tell the future so well? Perhaps a story will shed some light. What follows is how I see events unfolding when I see the girl I like on Saturday. To protect my dignity I shall call the girl in question Ginny Weasley - if only because if somebody asks I can pass this off as INCREDIBLY poorly written Harry Potter fan-fiction.
[Ginny and I arrange to meet up in a trendy café in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs. And ‘lo, we are in a trendy café in Sydney’s Eastern Suburbs!]
Waiter: What would you guys like?
Why did you agree to meet Ginny in a café David? You both loathe and detest coffee. This is hardly going to add to your macho cred…
Ginny: I’ll have a skim cap. two sugars
David: Hot Chocolate
See right there, massive loss of macho points
Ginny: So what have you been up to David?
David: Work, usual stuff, you?
Ginny: Same
Well that in no way stimulated conversation.
And then this is what we traditionally call an awkward silence
Just think of a topic… uh… will you go out with me, but we are already out, having coffee - well hot chocolate. Anyway I would love to…
Maybe a different topic?
David: Hey, did you hear Ron’s engaged?
Ginny: Yeah, how surprising was that?
[This inane and annoying conversation continues for some time during which our drinks arrive… so I’ll sum up “Ron! Engaged! Unexpected as a panther! So happy for him!” So happy for him my eye, why can’t I be engaged, to Ginny for preference.
I’ll pick up this tale when Ginny changes the topic.]
Ginny: So, how is your new Bible study going?
David: Good, Luna in particular is great.
Crap, David be careful, does she know you used to like Luna? What if she thinks you still do!
David: Neville is good too, the way things and say don’t really cool.
Ah incoherence, always the way of the future, at least that probably distracted her… if she needed distracting.
David: How is your…
You have very little idea what she does in her spare time David, how on earth did you think you were going to finish this question?
David: … book reading going?
Okay, that was pretty good
[The conversation continues, she mentions books, that for the most part, I haven’t even heard of - we’ll resume the tale ten minutes later]
Ginny: We seem to have both finished our drinks. What do you want to do now?
Go to your apartment and make out all afternoon…
David: Don’t know
Ginny: Its okay, I’ve got stuff I should be doing anyway, take care David.
Do Something, Anything???
David: You too Ginny
Well David, you once again failed completely and totally to express ANY interest in her whatsoever. I must say, that was inept beyond the telling of it.
There ends the tale, wouldn’t you be crabby after such an inept attempt at flirting, being honest about your feelings and drinking a particularly awful cup of hot chocolate. (I know, that last one wasn’t in my tale - but the events are going to occur in a trendy Eastern Suburbs café, and you can’t be a trendy café without shockingly horrible hot chocolate.)