002 → This could be heaven
Title: This could be heaven
Author: Rui
Rating: Harmless.
Disclaimer: Do not own these characters or the song.
Summary: Nate & Serena || The night before the Sheppard wedding. Mentions of Blair and NB.
Remember this: It had just been a matter of time before it had caught up to them.
Sworn to secrecy I might go after school
She was an angel I saw her swimming there
I am in such a mess I can't cope without this
There she was: across the courtyard. Laughing and commanding everyone's attention. Her laugh was infectious. It rang in his ears, made the blood in his veins hum, it made the thoughts in his head swirl. He couldn't even think straight. This was such mess. His feelings were clashing with everything: what was right and what was wrong. He was with Blair. They were on a path, they were together, Blair loves him. So, why is everything so muddled and confusing? Why does Serena swim into all of his thoughts? These days guilt and love are muddled together as a package deal in his brain. He's such a mess, but he's pretty sure he can't live any other way, without either of them.
She spots him across the courtyard and a smile crosses her lips almost instantly. "Nate!" The crowd around her disperses. Serena's attention has moved on. It always does, and by now everyone knows that Serena is an unstoppable whirl of excitement and giggles. You only got to bathe in her light for so long: she was the it girl, ethereal in almost every way.
"Serena!", he calls back in the same excitement she had pronounced his name. She bounces over to him effortlessly and plants a kiss on his cheek. Nate can't help but freeze in that moment, he takes it in. He takes everything about her in. The way the sunlight gently glides along her hair, the sweet, sultry smell of her perfume, and the sapphire blue of her eyes as she smiles and hugs him.
"Well, your awfully excited, aren't you Miss Van der Woodsen?"
"Well, Mr. Archibald you know how excited I get about the end of the day. Hmm." She chuckles and he can't help but chuckle himself.
"I hope this excitement bleeds into tomorrow. When the soon to be Sheppard's tie their knots together in wedded bliss, while we take great comfort in their selections of champagne, Nate exclaims mockingly." He even pumps his fist in the air to add a dramatic flair.
"And cake. You forgot cake, silly. Lot's and lot's of cake!"
"That too", he adds. "That too."
"I can't tell you how happy I am that your excited about this wedding. Blair is moping about it because she doesn't want to go. And Chuck, well it's Chuck and a wedding. Sooooo.."
"One can expect boozing and sexy creeping on his part. Well, sexy for him anyway," Nate finishes with a small laugh.
"Exactly. So, naturally I need a pre-wedding party buddy. Blair is putting the finishing touches on her dress with the girls. And Nate is," Serena trails off, giving him her best puppy face.
"Nate is," he continues, "going out with Serena as her pre-wedding party buddy. I predict so much excitement from tonight," he teases.
"You better Natie, because you know any night with me is bound to be exciting," Serena exhales with a sly smirk upon her face. And before he can say another word she giggles her little trademark laugh and gives him a a kiss goodbye on his cheek that burns into his skin.
She just teases me pretends she can't see me here
XXXXXXXXXX
So let me go out there
I can breathe fresh air
Stay with you all night
Just let me love you
Just for a while want to
Be with you all night
Several hours later, they're sprawled on the floor of Chuck's suite: the place they always end up after good nights and a little too much alcohol. They're tipsy and smell like the inside of a bar. The night had been perfect. Nate couldn't remember the last time he had felt so good and free. Everything that had been plaguing him, had taken a backseat. He had just been Natie for those couple of hours and he was with Serena one of his dearest friends. Everything had felt good. But now, here they were alone on the floor. For the first time that night, Nate was aware of Serena's laugh, her blue eyes, her distinct smell. He could fell every place where her arm was touching his arm as they lay together side by side on the floor. His skin was burning and his heart and body were aching. No matter what he did, he couldn't get away from the war that raged inside him. His mind was being muddled again, the alcohol was wearing off, and his body was feeling heavy once more.
Serena was stirring silently beside him. She was humming songs under her breath with her eyes closed. Every once a while letting a small laugh and sigh pass through her lips. "Serena," Nate whispers quietly.
"Nate. Thanks for coming out with me tonight. I can always count on you. Your the best, you know?"she says ever so lightly.
He smiles so easily after her words, it makes his heart feel even heavier. "I know."
She chuckles lightly. "Good. Promise me you'll always remember that. Please." Serena turns to face him then. Her blue eyes a little watery and the expression on her face a little vulnerable. He couldn't bare ever hurting Serena. Even if it tore him up inside and lost him sleep. Even if it just broke his heart, piece after piece. Once a mess always a mess.
"I promise. I'll always promise." She instinctively reaches for his hand and holds it there for a few seconds. Her eyes close one again, and she murmurs the lines to one of their favorite songs from when they were little and life was never this complicated: this painful and bewitching at the same time. Nate holds her hand until she falls asleep. He holds her hand until he feel's himself drifting off. He doesn't want to let go but he knows he has to. Because even though he would take his own heart out of his chest for Serena and break into a million pieces, he knows he would do the same for Blair without hesitating. And for that, he would always be at war with himself.
Until I fall asleep
Just let me be here
I won't tell anyone
Don't want to wake up
XXXXXXXXXX
The next morning he awakes by himself. Serena already gone not being a surprise to him. You only got to bathe in her light for so long. Chuck had already ordered room service and another day had begun. It was all a blur really. Getting ready for the wedding, the wedding itself. They were at the reception party in what seemed to Nate like seconds after he had woken up that morning. Everyone was laughing and enjoying themselves. Cheers of congratulations we're being directed at the newlyweds and amongst it all there were Nate and Serena. Taking comfort in the endless bottles of champagne. Laughing and dancing with their friends, every once and awhile coming face to face and passing secret smiles. Champagne bottle after champagne bottle the night went on. Finally, Blair broke trough the haze of the evening speaking to them in her endearing mock-stern voice, "The both of you are so wasted right now. Go, sober up. Please. Anybody who wants any champagne will be very pleased." They giggled and sloppily stood up. "Whatever you say Blairy," Serena mumbled in between giggles. Nate stood up and planted a kiss on Blair's cheek, she had smelled so lovely and looked so beautiful. Every night after Serena had left he would remember Blair's sweet smell and the look of happiness and slight annoyance on her face. And juxtaposed with those thoughts would be the memories of champagne kisses. Breaking his heart into a million pieces would no longer ever be enough for the three of them.
Before sneaking off into the abandoned bar room, they successfully steal another bottle of Champagne. And from then on everything would change. Heaven and hell would combine, love and betrayal. Best friends and lovers would be blurred.Their paths would finally explode onto each other, after years and years.They had always been a tangled wreck. "Look at you, your a mess." Always. "So are you." It had just been a matter of time before it had caught up to them.
The blind could lead the blind so why can't I find my way
This could be heaven but I don't where I am
I am too scared to come out from behind here
My body is aching it feels like it's wearing me
Author: Rui
Rating: Harmless.
Disclaimer: Do not own these characters or the song.
Summary: Nate & Serena || The night before the Sheppard wedding. Mentions of Blair and NB.
Remember this: It had just been a matter of time before it had caught up to them.
Sworn to secrecy I might go after school
She was an angel I saw her swimming there
I am in such a mess I can't cope without this
There she was: across the courtyard. Laughing and commanding everyone's attention. Her laugh was infectious. It rang in his ears, made the blood in his veins hum, it made the thoughts in his head swirl. He couldn't even think straight. This was such mess. His feelings were clashing with everything: what was right and what was wrong. He was with Blair. They were on a path, they were together, Blair loves him. So, why is everything so muddled and confusing? Why does Serena swim into all of his thoughts? These days guilt and love are muddled together as a package deal in his brain. He's such a mess, but he's pretty sure he can't live any other way, without either of them.
She spots him across the courtyard and a smile crosses her lips almost instantly. "Nate!" The crowd around her disperses. Serena's attention has moved on. It always does, and by now everyone knows that Serena is an unstoppable whirl of excitement and giggles. You only got to bathe in her light for so long: she was the it girl, ethereal in almost every way.
"Serena!", he calls back in the same excitement she had pronounced his name. She bounces over to him effortlessly and plants a kiss on his cheek. Nate can't help but freeze in that moment, he takes it in. He takes everything about her in. The way the sunlight gently glides along her hair, the sweet, sultry smell of her perfume, and the sapphire blue of her eyes as she smiles and hugs him.
"Well, your awfully excited, aren't you Miss Van der Woodsen?"
"Well, Mr. Archibald you know how excited I get about the end of the day. Hmm." She chuckles and he can't help but chuckle himself.
"I hope this excitement bleeds into tomorrow. When the soon to be Sheppard's tie their knots together in wedded bliss, while we take great comfort in their selections of champagne, Nate exclaims mockingly." He even pumps his fist in the air to add a dramatic flair.
"And cake. You forgot cake, silly. Lot's and lot's of cake!"
"That too", he adds. "That too."
"I can't tell you how happy I am that your excited about this wedding. Blair is moping about it because she doesn't want to go. And Chuck, well it's Chuck and a wedding. Sooooo.."
"One can expect boozing and sexy creeping on his part. Well, sexy for him anyway," Nate finishes with a small laugh.
"Exactly. So, naturally I need a pre-wedding party buddy. Blair is putting the finishing touches on her dress with the girls. And Nate is," Serena trails off, giving him her best puppy face.
"Nate is," he continues, "going out with Serena as her pre-wedding party buddy. I predict so much excitement from tonight," he teases.
"You better Natie, because you know any night with me is bound to be exciting," Serena exhales with a sly smirk upon her face. And before he can say another word she giggles her little trademark laugh and gives him a a kiss goodbye on his cheek that burns into his skin.
She just teases me pretends she can't see me here
XXXXXXXXXX
So let me go out there
I can breathe fresh air
Stay with you all night
Just let me love you
Just for a while want to
Be with you all night
Several hours later, they're sprawled on the floor of Chuck's suite: the place they always end up after good nights and a little too much alcohol. They're tipsy and smell like the inside of a bar. The night had been perfect. Nate couldn't remember the last time he had felt so good and free. Everything that had been plaguing him, had taken a backseat. He had just been Natie for those couple of hours and he was with Serena one of his dearest friends. Everything had felt good. But now, here they were alone on the floor. For the first time that night, Nate was aware of Serena's laugh, her blue eyes, her distinct smell. He could fell every place where her arm was touching his arm as they lay together side by side on the floor. His skin was burning and his heart and body were aching. No matter what he did, he couldn't get away from the war that raged inside him. His mind was being muddled again, the alcohol was wearing off, and his body was feeling heavy once more.
Serena was stirring silently beside him. She was humming songs under her breath with her eyes closed. Every once a while letting a small laugh and sigh pass through her lips. "Serena," Nate whispers quietly.
"Nate. Thanks for coming out with me tonight. I can always count on you. Your the best, you know?"she says ever so lightly.
He smiles so easily after her words, it makes his heart feel even heavier. "I know."
She chuckles lightly. "Good. Promise me you'll always remember that. Please." Serena turns to face him then. Her blue eyes a little watery and the expression on her face a little vulnerable. He couldn't bare ever hurting Serena. Even if it tore him up inside and lost him sleep. Even if it just broke his heart, piece after piece. Once a mess always a mess.
"I promise. I'll always promise." She instinctively reaches for his hand and holds it there for a few seconds. Her eyes close one again, and she murmurs the lines to one of their favorite songs from when they were little and life was never this complicated: this painful and bewitching at the same time. Nate holds her hand until she falls asleep. He holds her hand until he feel's himself drifting off. He doesn't want to let go but he knows he has to. Because even though he would take his own heart out of his chest for Serena and break into a million pieces, he knows he would do the same for Blair without hesitating. And for that, he would always be at war with himself.
Until I fall asleep
Just let me be here
I won't tell anyone
Don't want to wake up
XXXXXXXXXX
The next morning he awakes by himself. Serena already gone not being a surprise to him. You only got to bathe in her light for so long. Chuck had already ordered room service and another day had begun. It was all a blur really. Getting ready for the wedding, the wedding itself. They were at the reception party in what seemed to Nate like seconds after he had woken up that morning. Everyone was laughing and enjoying themselves. Cheers of congratulations we're being directed at the newlyweds and amongst it all there were Nate and Serena. Taking comfort in the endless bottles of champagne. Laughing and dancing with their friends, every once and awhile coming face to face and passing secret smiles. Champagne bottle after champagne bottle the night went on. Finally, Blair broke trough the haze of the evening speaking to them in her endearing mock-stern voice, "The both of you are so wasted right now. Go, sober up. Please. Anybody who wants any champagne will be very pleased." They giggled and sloppily stood up. "Whatever you say Blairy," Serena mumbled in between giggles. Nate stood up and planted a kiss on Blair's cheek, she had smelled so lovely and looked so beautiful. Every night after Serena had left he would remember Blair's sweet smell and the look of happiness and slight annoyance on her face. And juxtaposed with those thoughts would be the memories of champagne kisses. Breaking his heart into a million pieces would no longer ever be enough for the three of them.
Before sneaking off into the abandoned bar room, they successfully steal another bottle of Champagne. And from then on everything would change. Heaven and hell would combine, love and betrayal. Best friends and lovers would be blurred.Their paths would finally explode onto each other, after years and years.They had always been a tangled wreck. "Look at you, your a mess." Always. "So are you." It had just been a matter of time before it had caught up to them.
The blind could lead the blind so why can't I find my way
This could be heaven but I don't where I am
I am too scared to come out from behind here
My body is aching it feels like it's wearing me