Rambles and itches...
My mind is wrapped in tight knots right now. I'm a bit tired and in between being sad and depressed and very happy and fulfilled. A strange combination of contradicting feelings many would say? It's the sort of feelings I have almost each and every day.
My mind is constantly in motion. Constantly thinking, considering. Constantly searching, wondering, worrying. I don't think my mind in constant motion makes me different from anyone else. I figure other people must experience this. Maybe not as frequently as I do... I dunno. Sometimes I wonder. See, there I go again.
I'm a bit sad because Mike had to leave to go back home to New York today. Classes for him resume from Christmas break come Monday. Classes for me and my first time in college also start Monday. This makes me nervous.
Nervous not as much because it is a big step and big change from high school, but because of all the worry I have building about things surrounding this higher place of learning. Part of the issue is math. Part of the issue is not knowing which major and which interest of mine I should follow. Part is worrying over making sure I don't fuck something up. Part is worrying about money.
Math blows. I wanted to major in sciences, biology. The dilemma I face here is that I got stuck in a damned remedial math course because I SUCK when it comes to understanding one lick of math above common algebra. I breeze Chemistry, but can't grasp math. It just doesn't work. Yet in order to even BEGIN taking the major I want and to even be remotely allowed to take a friggin science class, I HAVE to pass and test out of this remedial math class BEFORE I can even consider getting science class? Because the college has senseless policies like this? WTF?
Well, in a way I got my wish. I was informed the FRIDAY (that just past) BEFORE my classes start (this coming MONDAY, the 13th) that my math class had been canceled due to low enrollment. Low enrollment for the particular section I wanted to take, which was set later in the evening and here in Slidell rather than me having to drive all the way across the lake and into the city. What problem does this pose? It screws over my entire schedule otherwise. Now I need to go in and see when a math class is available and change my entire schedule more than likely for the convenience of MATH. ARRRGGGHHHH.
That and worry about changing my major from Science to Liberal Arts or somesuch. Problem is that most of the classes are probably filled, and I'm fucked one way or another. All of this is weighing heavy on my mind and making me want to rip things apart and scream. And again I find myself wondering why the hell people have to make things so complicated when there is no need for it, and I find myself detesting the greenback deeper and deeper every day.
Besides that my Win98 system did some really STUPID things when Mike and I went to clean out the whole slate and start with a fresh install. After hours of battling with problems, possible solutions, and technical support, we finally gutted out the whole friggin thing, reseated the RAM and video card, then did a manual install. We're still not totally sure what solved the problem, but by about the 18th time of going through the hard drive format and create process, then through the process of Windows going through it's installation, we finally fixed the problem that plagued us and got this puppy up and running again. Most all my programs and files are fixed, but I still have a LOT of work to do there also. Have to go through files and delete and reorganize and a gazillion other things. That and install a handful of programs, and hook my scanner and printer back up.
Before I can really finish all that though, I have to organize my cluttered room. Oi.
Overall though the computers are networked and my Win98 system here is running SO much faster now. ZANKOOOO MIKE!!
Enough bitching though. I'm thankful that I have Mike in my life. He's one of the most important things to me, and helps keep me (in)sane. I'm thankful for my mother, who I love to death and am happy to have such a close relationship with. We butt heads every now and then, but in the end she's always been here for me no matter what. I'm thankful for certain members of my family. I wouldn't have gotten where I have today without their love and support. I am thankful for my animals. They're my babies. I love them. They love me. They help me touch something deeper, and hold on to something simple, yet so utterly important and meaningful. To look into their eyes..
I enjoyed the time Michael and I spent together this holiday very, very much. I cherish any chance I get to be with him. Each day brings something new, always full of surprises. What I feel for him, I can't really put into words. No words can give it the credit it deserves. He's my best friend, and so much more. He knows more about me than anyone, and sometimes I think he might know a little more than I myself do.
After we took Mike to the airport today, mom and I headed in to the hospital she works at for a bit. Then my aunt came and we went to a gem/jewelry show that was in town this weekend. I didn't even think I'd get the chance to go, and felt a bit bad going. But I enjoyed myself and I got some simply killer deals price and quantity and quality wise on lots of stuff.
So I'm in a strange mood. I just sort of want to relax and curl up in some warm arms and catnap. Mrrrr. I also have the art itch. Mrrrr. And creative writing itch. Mrrrr. So we'll see where my itches lead me.
My mind is constantly in motion. Constantly thinking, considering. Constantly searching, wondering, worrying. I don't think my mind in constant motion makes me different from anyone else. I figure other people must experience this. Maybe not as frequently as I do... I dunno. Sometimes I wonder. See, there I go again.
I'm a bit sad because Mike had to leave to go back home to New York today. Classes for him resume from Christmas break come Monday. Classes for me and my first time in college also start Monday. This makes me nervous.
Nervous not as much because it is a big step and big change from high school, but because of all the worry I have building about things surrounding this higher place of learning. Part of the issue is math. Part of the issue is not knowing which major and which interest of mine I should follow. Part is worrying over making sure I don't fuck something up. Part is worrying about money.
Math blows. I wanted to major in sciences, biology. The dilemma I face here is that I got stuck in a damned remedial math course because I SUCK when it comes to understanding one lick of math above common algebra. I breeze Chemistry, but can't grasp math. It just doesn't work. Yet in order to even BEGIN taking the major I want and to even be remotely allowed to take a friggin science class, I HAVE to pass and test out of this remedial math class BEFORE I can even consider getting science class? Because the college has senseless policies like this? WTF?
Well, in a way I got my wish. I was informed the FRIDAY (that just past) BEFORE my classes start (this coming MONDAY, the 13th) that my math class had been canceled due to low enrollment. Low enrollment for the particular section I wanted to take, which was set later in the evening and here in Slidell rather than me having to drive all the way across the lake and into the city. What problem does this pose? It screws over my entire schedule otherwise. Now I need to go in and see when a math class is available and change my entire schedule more than likely for the convenience of MATH. ARRRGGGHHHH.
That and worry about changing my major from Science to Liberal Arts or somesuch. Problem is that most of the classes are probably filled, and I'm fucked one way or another. All of this is weighing heavy on my mind and making me want to rip things apart and scream. And again I find myself wondering why the hell people have to make things so complicated when there is no need for it, and I find myself detesting the greenback deeper and deeper every day.
Besides that my Win98 system did some really STUPID things when Mike and I went to clean out the whole slate and start with a fresh install. After hours of battling with problems, possible solutions, and technical support, we finally gutted out the whole friggin thing, reseated the RAM and video card, then did a manual install. We're still not totally sure what solved the problem, but by about the 18th time of going through the hard drive format and create process, then through the process of Windows going through it's installation, we finally fixed the problem that plagued us and got this puppy up and running again. Most all my programs and files are fixed, but I still have a LOT of work to do there also. Have to go through files and delete and reorganize and a gazillion other things. That and install a handful of programs, and hook my scanner and printer back up.
Before I can really finish all that though, I have to organize my cluttered room. Oi.
Overall though the computers are networked and my Win98 system here is running SO much faster now. ZANKOOOO MIKE!!
Enough bitching though. I'm thankful that I have Mike in my life. He's one of the most important things to me, and helps keep me (in)sane. I'm thankful for my mother, who I love to death and am happy to have such a close relationship with. We butt heads every now and then, but in the end she's always been here for me no matter what. I'm thankful for certain members of my family. I wouldn't have gotten where I have today without their love and support. I am thankful for my animals. They're my babies. I love them. They love me. They help me touch something deeper, and hold on to something simple, yet so utterly important and meaningful. To look into their eyes..
I enjoyed the time Michael and I spent together this holiday very, very much. I cherish any chance I get to be with him. Each day brings something new, always full of surprises. What I feel for him, I can't really put into words. No words can give it the credit it deserves. He's my best friend, and so much more. He knows more about me than anyone, and sometimes I think he might know a little more than I myself do.
After we took Mike to the airport today, mom and I headed in to the hospital she works at for a bit. Then my aunt came and we went to a gem/jewelry show that was in town this weekend. I didn't even think I'd get the chance to go, and felt a bit bad going. But I enjoyed myself and I got some simply killer deals price and quantity and quality wise on lots of stuff.
So I'm in a strange mood. I just sort of want to relax and curl up in some warm arms and catnap. Mrrrr. I also have the art itch. Mrrrr. And creative writing itch. Mrrrr. So we'll see where my itches lead me.