LOST: me
NOTE: its past midnight after a very long, tiresome day. we had a dance tonite(the winter dance) and it was alright, but my feet are in pain. my words may, at times, not make any sense and i may look back on this entry as a "what was i on!?!" kind of talking but i am going to write this anyways.
Truthfully, I have been feeling very confused and distraught lately. On a normal day, you could probably never see the the difference from if i was any other day in my life but there are things going on inside my head when i am alone....thinking, like now.
I'm at that point in my life where everything i feel, everything i think comes into question. Why am i thinking this? What do i REALLY feel for this person? Do i still like brandon?... hmm, theres the big one. Do i still like brandon?. I just dont know. i am in love with what brandon and i had, with how lucky i was to have found something that amazing. but now...after all i put him through, after all i put myself through...things change unfortunately and though i still may love the thought of brandon i just dont know if i still love him. i just dont know...
the whole thought of brandon and ideal of what hea ws to me.....well, that and what i went through with a current ASS HOLE of a guy,...those two things are keeping me from moving on. from trusting people the way i used to. from finding someone i care about again. one person once said...theres either chemistry or not..be patient, you cant force it. well, i hope that strategy works because i'm jsut too wron out from trying. too worn out from thinking... brandon, i doubt u ever read these but if u do, i do really still love you, i always have. u were my first real serious boyfriend and there will always be a place for u in my heart. you dont have to tell me if u erad this or not, i just wanted you to know.
Truthfully, I have been feeling very confused and distraught lately. On a normal day, you could probably never see the the difference from if i was any other day in my life but there are things going on inside my head when i am alone....thinking, like now.
I'm at that point in my life where everything i feel, everything i think comes into question. Why am i thinking this? What do i REALLY feel for this person? Do i still like brandon?... hmm, theres the big one. Do i still like brandon?. I just dont know. i am in love with what brandon and i had, with how lucky i was to have found something that amazing. but now...after all i put him through, after all i put myself through...things change unfortunately and though i still may love the thought of brandon i just dont know if i still love him. i just dont know...
the whole thought of brandon and ideal of what hea ws to me.....well, that and what i went through with a current ASS HOLE of a guy,...those two things are keeping me from moving on. from trusting people the way i used to. from finding someone i care about again. one person once said...theres either chemistry or not..be patient, you cant force it. well, i hope that strategy works because i'm jsut too wron out from trying. too worn out from thinking... brandon, i doubt u ever read these but if u do, i do really still love you, i always have. u were my first real serious boyfriend and there will always be a place for u in my heart. you dont have to tell me if u erad this or not, i just wanted you to know.