clementines

[leopardandlamb]

i don't know what i'm doing anymore. i don't know who to protect or who to let go. i don't know what feels like pain or what pain actually is. i don't understand sadness versus sheer regret. i don't have one fucking clue where to direct my attention. i don't have any grasp on fantasy any longer. i don't dream; i nightmare. actualizing reality is growing more tiresome by the hour. my sadness bores me. this lack of interest in anything bores me. my heavyset boredom bores me. irrrrrrks me. i am this. this mess is me.

these are my to-do's i to-don't. these are the things i ignore most readily. if i knew what the next step was, i promise i'd take it. maybe i shouldn't have dropped out of so many colleges. i don't know what i mean