Let It All Out

[leonpeon]

So, when your head is filled with thoughts and you just can't consentrate on anything except those thoughts, you write them down. Getting them out focuses them on something other than your mind. Did that make sense? Probably not, but then again I usually don't, so don't worry if you got lost. My point is, I've been living a lie for so long, now that I have verbalized it, thoughts are running rampid in my mind. I can't stop thinking about everything that I should have said, and everything that I shouldn't have said, and all the times before I should have said them. Out of the few people that I went to for help and support, I realize now that I should have been more careful in my choices of who to confide in. In hind-sight there are people who I should have confided in long before now. Because keeping so much bottled inside is definitely not a good thing, nor is it healthy. Living like some great Christian, in the eyes of others, has probably been one of my biggest downfalls. Refusing to talk for fear of humiliation, and refusing to ask for help for fear of rejection has only created more distance between God and myself. I always realize the important things much too late to do any good. For easing some of the fears and inner torment that I have been building up for so long, I thank my friends. They have no idea what they have done for me, simply by loving me for who I am and not what I have done or what I do. Friends like them are truely a gift from the Father. He knew that I would need friends like them to get through things like this. He has a reason for everything. And He uses everything for good. I thank you Father. You are my God.
Amen.