Paean to a place where nothing quite happened.
I will attempt to draw you into this narrative moment: It’s incredibly warm today, a Kansas warmth, warmth that is almost airless. On the corner across from our building, the hirsute, nonverbal saxaphonist has taken up his usual place; he fills the street with his sort of ambient sacharine interpolations, playing familiar tunes with a dawdling
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She makes lewd comments at random intervals. She told my former roommate P.J. (who Brandon and I got a job at the hotel) that she would warm up his balls one cold Saturday morning. She loses her keys every other day, fucks up nearly every room service order she's ever taken, and gets angry at others for doing their own job and neglecting to do hers as well.
This is the kind of detail I felt was missing from the initial post. These few simple sentences are very helpful. You say you have no desire to explore Brenda as a character, but the fact is the entire post was centered on her. You kept mentioning this Brenda and how stupid she was so at one point, the reader wonders, "who is Brenda, anyway? And what makes you think she's stupid?"
To me she comes across as an older woman who has confused sexual and maternal feelings toward her younger colleagues. Her attempts to flirt, to console, and generally to communicate with them (with you) are a bit clumsy and usually have their opposite intended effect. This would be just another way to tell the story, one that I could relate to, because who hasn't felt awkward in certain social situations?
I get this image of a clumsy woman trying to dance in a ballet performance, and inadvertently jostling the other elegant dancers around her. I would feel hot embarrassment just watching such a scene. Not necessarily because I am compassionate.
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