My turn hags, no more door mat for you .
Well so much has happened since I stopped writing in this journal, Lucy moved out as my ex girlfriend , , it seemed so messed up , a messed up situation an ex girlfriend living with me for a year and a half , as good friends , like brother and sister and she still being in love with me but with so much destrctive drama not good to get back with her. she fucked up by sleeping around on me...
karely, my best friend for 3 years, has declared that she has been in love with me since the first day she met me , an I am huuuuuuuuhhhh? what ? What the hell, this is the bestfriend that would tell me everything even how sex tasted and other gross stuff, this girl in love with me? or does she just want a dad for her kid, the kid she had since she was 16 and I thought he was her little brother .
I was propositioned by 3 girls in one month to be their fuck buddy again and different girls, what the hell??? , this was a crazy month , too bad they were offended by my turn down , I am celibate , is that wrong ? Chicks always complain that guys only want one thing and one thing only and when they find a guy they like , they feel offended that that guy thinks more than just sex , chicks are full of B.S.
Patty I like her so much , she is like my soul mate , we think alike and love the same things .
last week we had a magical night with her in my house , lots of candles , nice music , alot of slow dancing and looking into our eyes, shrimp cocktails, it was great for us , but way too bad that she turned down my kisses, she said we are just friends , now she is insanely jealous because I know other girls , too bad , if a girl turns me down I will not insist, I turn around and respect their decision and try other places for a girlfriend , if they want me , chicks have to beg , I am so worth it, I am so worth it , I know it and they know it, if they turn me down and are too shy to persue me after, their loss and their pain. Women had their time of guys begging them , I did that alot and now that I am worth more than most guys in many ways , it is my turn, most who were my "just Friends" as their decision went, now want me and really bad, that makes me feel good, but the girl that wins me for real will get the best guy that they dream about .
Life is not a game , it is an encounter of people and experiences bad and good.
Christine has been in jail 6 years now , she is getting out in 2007, I am not the same sad , lame , shy, desperate guy, I was by her every step of her bad dream, her only friend and anything close to family and no one else, people say I am a saint, hell no , I am not giving it all to everyone , all my money, my love, my patience , my honor, my mind and peace for other's like I did before, it was destructive for myself, people used me as saint leon , now I am just a guy , a great guy, Christine is seeing me change , she is afraid that I will no longer send her money and visit her , give her a home and help her get a life a happy life, well she can no longer bet I will be her guy , I am not going to be used , only people who have the capacity to love and give as well as to receive will have a chance with me.
Christine , I will help her like always but to be my girl well show me what you got and what you can give , in a friendship and in more things.
The promises I made to Christine will still stand but she has to be better than she was before , she still fucks up in there, going to the hole and shit, all I ask of her is to be good and get good grades, I pay fucken enough for her to at least try her best , she is not trying not even for me , but a promise is a promise , I will keep it but she probably more than like will not be my girl , I have had 2 girlfriends in my life because of shyness, now I still will not just get a girl, I want a really good one for me.
Patty blew it , Caroline blew it big time with me , Nayeli now finds herself lost without me and my generous friendship , even though she has a guy, she told me that she would drop him if I still loved and wanted her, I told her I do not play that way, I do not make anyone miserable, no matter how cute she is , if she is gonna hurt her guy , she will hurt the next guy, Lupita messed up to , boy did I beg her , now she asks me why I do not go to her house and only complains about her abusive boyfriend , she got exactly the type of guy she wanted, too bad , she compares and sees what she really messed up, I liked her alot now she is just another friend I hardly see, I see a pattern, ... girls are stupid , they want a fucked up guy first then after they are all bruised up , they want a guy like me, finally , fuck you , I do not want your shit anymore.
I am not saint leon , still celibate and decent in every way I can be but I am doing the choosing now , garbage may not apply, not shy anymore and alot more fun, today at the movies , lucy and Karely were kind of rivaling eachother , lucy trying to hog the attention because she is the ex and Karely treating me sooo good , with those comments and eyes it was so funny to go out with two girls that love me and fucked up, and me ? just chillin , "your my friends" we saw , "The grudge 2" , lucy was pissed because I kept trying to freighten karely , she hyperventilates when terrified at the movies, I am so mean .
This weekend I am going to a place in baja with 20 of my surf friends, going camping, maybe I will get to know some new girls that will fuck up by turning me down after my first try, I will alawys see and treat them like friends after that , their fucken loss, hehehehe
I love me sooo much ... my turn hags .