One Hell of an Update
Boy oh boy do I have some things to say to everyone. It has been quite a few weeks since I last posted on here and I guess there is a hell of a lot of catching up to do. For starters I turned 22. And then there was the end of the semester and the stress of finals. Friendships ended while I made some new ones. I found myself a prince who I will wait for. She is real pretty. Yes, she. My prince is a she and I guess I can address at that at some other point. For right now I think it be better if I just moved on and broke everything down into something a lot more coherent. Although I do fear it will deteriorate into something that resembles stream of consciousness.
Going home for Thanksgiving wasn’t nearly half as bad as I expected it to be. Well except for the yelling about my financial situation. It is not a very pretty picture. I got to hang out with Roxy and Emily Fiore. That was nice. We went to the Witches Brew, which I haven’t been to in forever. Roxy gave my breast the thumbs up saying they looked natural. Avi was a dick and continuously called me a “he.”
I think I need to stop being meek about that. When I first came out, I was ok with slip ups. I allowed everyone to call me Kris, Kristofer, Alexandra, or Alex. I didn’t mind the game of pronoun mix up. By the time I got to SUNY Albany I became a little more steadfast on the name front. But the game of pronoun mix up was something I never put an end to. It’s part of my overall issue with self esteem. If I don’t think I look like a girl and I don’t feel female enough then why should I correct, or be bothered by, the fact that people can’t use the right pronoun. However, now with all the effort I am attempting to put forth, I am a little upset about the wrong pronoun usage. It does bother me. Its getting bad for my health actually. The more and more I say its fine and the more I try to make it slide down my backside, the more I am actually upset about it. I’ve noticed that I explode more and more often.
I go off on people more about it. Like there was this one day where a girl I had noticed on campus called me over. I recognized her as someone who lived on my quad. She asked me if I was pledging and I knew immediately that she was referring to the fact that I had breast; rather large ones at that. I told her “No, I’m transsexual. Do you know what that is?” She nodded and told me that she did. After all, she took Intro Feminism. So I asked her did she feel she was a little rude. She replied no. “You know what transsexualism is and you don’t find what you said, in hindsight, rude?” She replied again no. I said “ That is why today’s society is so sad and tapped her on the head with my book. “Are you a negro,” I asked. “No, I am African American,” she replied. “Do you see the connection,” I asked. She shook her head. “Are you a Nigger,” I asked. She seemed agitated as she shook her head no.
After walking away I realized I had crossed a line. I try very hard to educate people. I realize that if I am volatile in my response to ignorance, the path to understanding can not be reached. I had just called someone a Nigger. Now let me clarify something. I may have used the term in my poem that night but it is not something I make habit of. The N-word is a word I would like to see quickly leave the annals of human society. So, not only did I feel disrespected, I disrespected the other person as well. Two wrongs do not make a right.
Moving on, Pride had a masquerade formal. It was awesome. I mean, boy did I stress before it. This was going to be my first formal that I’d be attending as a girl. So, even though a lot people weren’t make that big deal about it, I was. Like, in my mind, it needed to be perfect. Lauren helped me get a dress, well two to be exact. Her mom decided to donate this really nice black dress to me. The dress I ended up wearing was this really cute red dress. I really need to make sure I pay Lauren back ASAP. Anyway, I bought shoes, accessories, and a cute clutch with the money I got from selling one of my cameras. That was a hard decision to make, but I didn’t mind. I cared more about the formal to be honest. Oh, and my friend Paige did this awesome job doing up my face so that I had a make-up mask. It looked awesome. The formal was really a great experience that I probably won’t soon forget.
Oh, I want to point out something. If you hadn’t noticed, I posted some stuff for a presentation I did for a Journalism class. It was on the Stone Wall Riots. The presentation went pretty well, I got an A. I think the professor was hoping I’d make a tie to the same-sex marriage debate. The only problem with that is the fact that if I went there I would also have to discuss a billion other things. Stone Wall was the start of it all. So there is no way I’d be able to cover it all. The route I decided to take was straight to the point. Cover the riots and leave it at that. I got an A, so I don’t really care.
My birthday turned out so well. Well it started out stressful. Like hellah stressful. The morning of about 10 people cancelled on me. So here I am, feeling real depressed and sorry for myself. It was rather pathetic. I was pretty close to canceling my plans. But a couple of my friends convinced me to still do it. And I am so glad I didn’t. Not only did a good number of people came, people who said they couldn’t come came. We had to get two extra tables. It was a lot of fun. I got to catch up with Will, Tony, and Kevin made a special guest appearance. That was awesome. Afterwards me, Charles, and Kevin watched the awesomely awful live action interpretation of Blood: The Last Vampire. The movie was god awful, but watching it with them was awesome.
Well there isn’t much else to say in this post. I know I promised to talk about my prince, but I think she could use some privacy. And besides, those who want to know can just ask me. I’ll probably will tell you. Oh, and this one of a few posts that will be happening. I got my year in review, top music countdown, and a revelation that is probably old news by now. So you’ll be hearing from me a lot in the next few days. Happy Holidays!!!
"We are golden (Bob Sinclair Remix)" by Mika
Going home for Thanksgiving wasn’t nearly half as bad as I expected it to be. Well except for the yelling about my financial situation. It is not a very pretty picture. I got to hang out with Roxy and Emily Fiore. That was nice. We went to the Witches Brew, which I haven’t been to in forever. Roxy gave my breast the thumbs up saying they looked natural. Avi was a dick and continuously called me a “he.”
I think I need to stop being meek about that. When I first came out, I was ok with slip ups. I allowed everyone to call me Kris, Kristofer, Alexandra, or Alex. I didn’t mind the game of pronoun mix up. By the time I got to SUNY Albany I became a little more steadfast on the name front. But the game of pronoun mix up was something I never put an end to. It’s part of my overall issue with self esteem. If I don’t think I look like a girl and I don’t feel female enough then why should I correct, or be bothered by, the fact that people can’t use the right pronoun. However, now with all the effort I am attempting to put forth, I am a little upset about the wrong pronoun usage. It does bother me. Its getting bad for my health actually. The more and more I say its fine and the more I try to make it slide down my backside, the more I am actually upset about it. I’ve noticed that I explode more and more often.
I go off on people more about it. Like there was this one day where a girl I had noticed on campus called me over. I recognized her as someone who lived on my quad. She asked me if I was pledging and I knew immediately that she was referring to the fact that I had breast; rather large ones at that. I told her “No, I’m transsexual. Do you know what that is?” She nodded and told me that she did. After all, she took Intro Feminism. So I asked her did she feel she was a little rude. She replied no. “You know what transsexualism is and you don’t find what you said, in hindsight, rude?” She replied again no. I said “ That is why today’s society is so sad and tapped her on the head with my book. “Are you a negro,” I asked. “No, I am African American,” she replied. “Do you see the connection,” I asked. She shook her head. “Are you a Nigger,” I asked. She seemed agitated as she shook her head no.
After walking away I realized I had crossed a line. I try very hard to educate people. I realize that if I am volatile in my response to ignorance, the path to understanding can not be reached. I had just called someone a Nigger. Now let me clarify something. I may have used the term in my poem that night but it is not something I make habit of. The N-word is a word I would like to see quickly leave the annals of human society. So, not only did I feel disrespected, I disrespected the other person as well. Two wrongs do not make a right.
Moving on, Pride had a masquerade formal. It was awesome. I mean, boy did I stress before it. This was going to be my first formal that I’d be attending as a girl. So, even though a lot people weren’t make that big deal about it, I was. Like, in my mind, it needed to be perfect. Lauren helped me get a dress, well two to be exact. Her mom decided to donate this really nice black dress to me. The dress I ended up wearing was this really cute red dress. I really need to make sure I pay Lauren back ASAP. Anyway, I bought shoes, accessories, and a cute clutch with the money I got from selling one of my cameras. That was a hard decision to make, but I didn’t mind. I cared more about the formal to be honest. Oh, and my friend Paige did this awesome job doing up my face so that I had a make-up mask. It looked awesome. The formal was really a great experience that I probably won’t soon forget.
Oh, I want to point out something. If you hadn’t noticed, I posted some stuff for a presentation I did for a Journalism class. It was on the Stone Wall Riots. The presentation went pretty well, I got an A. I think the professor was hoping I’d make a tie to the same-sex marriage debate. The only problem with that is the fact that if I went there I would also have to discuss a billion other things. Stone Wall was the start of it all. So there is no way I’d be able to cover it all. The route I decided to take was straight to the point. Cover the riots and leave it at that. I got an A, so I don’t really care.
My birthday turned out so well. Well it started out stressful. Like hellah stressful. The morning of about 10 people cancelled on me. So here I am, feeling real depressed and sorry for myself. It was rather pathetic. I was pretty close to canceling my plans. But a couple of my friends convinced me to still do it. And I am so glad I didn’t. Not only did a good number of people came, people who said they couldn’t come came. We had to get two extra tables. It was a lot of fun. I got to catch up with Will, Tony, and Kevin made a special guest appearance. That was awesome. Afterwards me, Charles, and Kevin watched the awesomely awful live action interpretation of Blood: The Last Vampire. The movie was god awful, but watching it with them was awesome.
Well there isn’t much else to say in this post. I know I promised to talk about my prince, but I think she could use some privacy. And besides, those who want to know can just ask me. I’ll probably will tell you. Oh, and this one of a few posts that will be happening. I got my year in review, top music countdown, and a revelation that is probably old news by now. So you’ll be hearing from me a lot in the next few days. Happy Holidays!!!
"We are golden (Bob Sinclair Remix)" by Mika
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