Thankful
I am not usually one of those people who do these reflection posts. But in all honesty, I really am thankful. When I was younger my parents would have all of us say what we were most thankful. I have to say that in hindsight I think I started lying pretty early on. Now what does that mean? It wasn't that I wasn't grateful. I think there is a difference between the two. Like I was grateful I had a loving family and a rough over my head. But I don't think I was thankful for much. Nowadays though, I wish we still did that. We still went around the table asking what each other was thankful for. Because I'd have a lot to say.
My Identity
I am thankful for the ground I have made in my identity. 4 years ago I fully came out and it almost destroyed me. Now, although I am not ready to say I am 100% a girl, I am surely closer to being a girl than I was 4 years ago. I want to say that next year I will be a lot better. I am trying. I am at about 70%. And I am not exaggerating. I know I sound like I am at less, but the breast forms are helping. So is the $400 in girl clothes. And, although I plan on breaking it down further and further, but my friends. I don't know if I would have made the progress I have without any of your help.
My friends
I will make this brief. There are way too many to address this directly to. I have said this before, but lets have fun with restating the facts. I was raised to believe that if I pursued my desire to be a girl, I would never have anyone who would love me. I would never have any friends. I would always be alone. And over the years, I have learned that just isn't true. But that doesn't mean that I am not thankful for the friends I have made.
Courtney
So it recently came to my attention you graduate next semester. I am very sad by this. When I first got here, as I stated numerous times, I went through a lot of unnecessary bullshit. One of the first people who came to help me out was you. And I don't think I will ever be able to thank you enough. Since then, you have been always there. Encouraging me and pushing my talents. So thanks Courtney. I don't know what more to say.
Shayna and Chris
Hahahah. I don't know why, but I always feel like I should group you two together. Maybe its because when I am not sure where to turn I feel I should go to one of you. Shayna, you are the best. You pretty much saved me this summer and last semester. And you know what I mean by last semester. You are always behind any decision I make, but you deff tell me when I am just being a dumb emo bitch. The same goes for you Chris. I am glad you are there for me to nerd out to and all this is more in retrospect I plan on spending time to build up our friendship even more.
Michelle
Thanks. I think you already know why I am thankful to you. You have been so helpful with helping me figure out how I have portrayed my femininity. But even more so, you're one of the few people I know I can always count on when I need someone.
Dana, Hazel, and Nalini
I think this is an odd mix of people. Each one of you is always 100% there for me. Always pushing me in the right direction. Never putting up with my bullshit. And putting me in my place when I need it. I don't know how far I would have gone without you three. And, yes, Nalini you belong in this category.
JayTee
You're the best little brother. So far we have had a rough semester. I want to fix that. When I think about how I lost my half brother due to his own ignorance, I remember I have a wonderful little brother in you. You make me so proud almost all the time. :P In all seriousness, I am thankful to have you as a little brother and grateful you consider me you're older sister.
If you aren't on the list don't think I don't love you. Nor think I am not thankful to know you. Like I said earlier, there are plenty of things I am grateful about. I am grateful for friends like Charles, Cassie, Brandon, Jonny, Dean, the list can go on forever. Plus, in general, I am thankful to have friends period. I don't know what else to say. Except that my heart is filled with joy and I hope I can be this thankful next year as well.
Amai Koibito - Souichi Negishi
Just some disgustingly happy music for you. :) <3 <3 <3 <3
My Identity
I am thankful for the ground I have made in my identity. 4 years ago I fully came out and it almost destroyed me. Now, although I am not ready to say I am 100% a girl, I am surely closer to being a girl than I was 4 years ago. I want to say that next year I will be a lot better. I am trying. I am at about 70%. And I am not exaggerating. I know I sound like I am at less, but the breast forms are helping. So is the $400 in girl clothes. And, although I plan on breaking it down further and further, but my friends. I don't know if I would have made the progress I have without any of your help.
My friends
I will make this brief. There are way too many to address this directly to. I have said this before, but lets have fun with restating the facts. I was raised to believe that if I pursued my desire to be a girl, I would never have anyone who would love me. I would never have any friends. I would always be alone. And over the years, I have learned that just isn't true. But that doesn't mean that I am not thankful for the friends I have made.
Courtney
So it recently came to my attention you graduate next semester. I am very sad by this. When I first got here, as I stated numerous times, I went through a lot of unnecessary bullshit. One of the first people who came to help me out was you. And I don't think I will ever be able to thank you enough. Since then, you have been always there. Encouraging me and pushing my talents. So thanks Courtney. I don't know what more to say.
Shayna and Chris
Hahahah. I don't know why, but I always feel like I should group you two together. Maybe its because when I am not sure where to turn I feel I should go to one of you. Shayna, you are the best. You pretty much saved me this summer and last semester. And you know what I mean by last semester. You are always behind any decision I make, but you deff tell me when I am just being a dumb emo bitch. The same goes for you Chris. I am glad you are there for me to nerd out to and all this is more in retrospect I plan on spending time to build up our friendship even more.
Michelle
Thanks. I think you already know why I am thankful to you. You have been so helpful with helping me figure out how I have portrayed my femininity. But even more so, you're one of the few people I know I can always count on when I need someone.
Dana, Hazel, and Nalini
I think this is an odd mix of people. Each one of you is always 100% there for me. Always pushing me in the right direction. Never putting up with my bullshit. And putting me in my place when I need it. I don't know how far I would have gone without you three. And, yes, Nalini you belong in this category.
JayTee
You're the best little brother. So far we have had a rough semester. I want to fix that. When I think about how I lost my half brother due to his own ignorance, I remember I have a wonderful little brother in you. You make me so proud almost all the time. :P In all seriousness, I am thankful to have you as a little brother and grateful you consider me you're older sister.
If you aren't on the list don't think I don't love you. Nor think I am not thankful to know you. Like I said earlier, there are plenty of things I am grateful about. I am grateful for friends like Charles, Cassie, Brandon, Jonny, Dean, the list can go on forever. Plus, in general, I am thankful to have friends period. I don't know what else to say. Except that my heart is filled with joy and I hope I can be this thankful next year as well.
Amai Koibito - Souichi Negishi
Click to viewJust some disgustingly happy music for you. :) <3 <3 <3 <3