It has been a minute
Its been a minute and I almost feel bad because I have left you guys on a bad note. So, I figured that I would clue you guys in on a lot of the things that’s been going on in my life since about two weeks ago. Because life has seriously become a bit of a rollercoaster. The good news, before I even get into the update, is that at the moment I am fairly happy. Be prepared, because you about to see a bit of a rare sight.
Ok, so Gender Fucked @ UA has become its own beast. I am still trying to figure out how that happened. I am partial to remember something that Spider Jerusalem said once. That journalism is akin to a gun with only one bullet. However if you aim that bullet right, you can blow anything away. For starters, I have gotten tremendous amounts of positive responses. It is a little hard to believe at times. It has even caused some murmurings around my school and that’s without being published in the Albany Student Press. But that is a mute point. Even if it isn’t in its more familiar form it will get in there. Good writing always finds a place to rest its head.
About two weeks ago I went to NYC with Courtney to represent SUNY Albany at a college fair geared towards LGBT high school students. The trip was a blast. I should point out that almost any trip with Courtney is a blast. It really put some things into perspective for me. For one, I love interacting with people. Not just in the sense of talking to people. No, that’s not it. It is more than that. There is something about the professional networking scene that appeals to me. And I like connecting people and seeing their excitement about something. I know Courtney said I did a good job and all. That I stole the show. But I don’t know if he meant it seeing how I feel Courtney tends to always say things to make you feel good about yourself. But either way, I wouldn’t mind doing it again.
On that note I got to see Debbie that day. That was a pleasure. Even if it was for like 5 seconds. I hadn’t seen that girl in forever and I really wish I could see her more often. I guess we are going to have to work on that. I need to work on not being a hermit. I am looking back on this semester and realizing I let some friends fall by the wayside. Speaking of which, I should 100% give Tony a call and apologize for sucking. >_<
My sleep pattern has been real fucked up as of late. I don’t know what it is, but I want to get it back on track. Same with my overall health. I need to really figure out what the disconnect is for me. I want to be healthy, I want to take my meds. I just don’t do that though. I really want to know what my damage is. Because I can’t keep this behavior up forever. It will be very bad for me.
The family situation is not all that good and for some reason I don’t want to even hand in a birthday/Christmas list to them. I doubt they would even care. Sorry I am going to skip this. Ever since doing a Transitioning panel at Saint Rose I have had this ever growing hole in my heart. And whenever I realize how happy I am, I remember my home life will never be what I would like it to be.
So this club called F.A.M.E (Female and Male Equality) put on their 2nd Annual Poetry Slam and Open Mic night this past Saturday. I was one of the open mic people, not one of the performers. I decided to be ballsy and do a poem from the top of my head. A brand spanking new one. It was angry and raw and just like iI don't know where it came from. But I got a standing ovation at the end and not just a standing ovation. The 50ish people crowd started to die down a bit and the MC was about to say something and he couldn't so he just started applauding again and then the whole crowd did. Like here I am, about to do Lover, Not Boyfriend since I've done it at open mics and poetry slams a thousand times. Then I was like, I want to be angry. So I was all ready to do I Am because it is a list poem and I can do it without looking at my book except for the ending. But I get in front of the crowd and I snap. “I was going to say this love poem but now I won’t because I am fucking angry at all of you.” I launch into this poem version of Gender Fucked @ UA. I drop the N-word and the S-word in front of a 100% minority crowd. So to get that type of positive reaction blows my mind. I got someone to tell me they will never use the words “fag” or “faggot” ever again. That’s change. That’s the power of my words. And yeah, I will say that. MY FUCKING WORDS MADE CHANGE.
How many of you can say that?
"Hate" High and Mighty Color
Ok, so Gender Fucked @ UA has become its own beast. I am still trying to figure out how that happened. I am partial to remember something that Spider Jerusalem said once. That journalism is akin to a gun with only one bullet. However if you aim that bullet right, you can blow anything away. For starters, I have gotten tremendous amounts of positive responses. It is a little hard to believe at times. It has even caused some murmurings around my school and that’s without being published in the Albany Student Press. But that is a mute point. Even if it isn’t in its more familiar form it will get in there. Good writing always finds a place to rest its head.
About two weeks ago I went to NYC with Courtney to represent SUNY Albany at a college fair geared towards LGBT high school students. The trip was a blast. I should point out that almost any trip with Courtney is a blast. It really put some things into perspective for me. For one, I love interacting with people. Not just in the sense of talking to people. No, that’s not it. It is more than that. There is something about the professional networking scene that appeals to me. And I like connecting people and seeing their excitement about something. I know Courtney said I did a good job and all. That I stole the show. But I don’t know if he meant it seeing how I feel Courtney tends to always say things to make you feel good about yourself. But either way, I wouldn’t mind doing it again.
On that note I got to see Debbie that day. That was a pleasure. Even if it was for like 5 seconds. I hadn’t seen that girl in forever and I really wish I could see her more often. I guess we are going to have to work on that. I need to work on not being a hermit. I am looking back on this semester and realizing I let some friends fall by the wayside. Speaking of which, I should 100% give Tony a call and apologize for sucking. >_<
My sleep pattern has been real fucked up as of late. I don’t know what it is, but I want to get it back on track. Same with my overall health. I need to really figure out what the disconnect is for me. I want to be healthy, I want to take my meds. I just don’t do that though. I really want to know what my damage is. Because I can’t keep this behavior up forever. It will be very bad for me.
The family situation is not all that good and for some reason I don’t want to even hand in a birthday/Christmas list to them. I doubt they would even care. Sorry I am going to skip this. Ever since doing a Transitioning panel at Saint Rose I have had this ever growing hole in my heart. And whenever I realize how happy I am, I remember my home life will never be what I would like it to be.
So this club called F.A.M.E (Female and Male Equality) put on their 2nd Annual Poetry Slam and Open Mic night this past Saturday. I was one of the open mic people, not one of the performers. I decided to be ballsy and do a poem from the top of my head. A brand spanking new one. It was angry and raw and just like iI don't know where it came from. But I got a standing ovation at the end and not just a standing ovation. The 50ish people crowd started to die down a bit and the MC was about to say something and he couldn't so he just started applauding again and then the whole crowd did. Like here I am, about to do Lover, Not Boyfriend since I've done it at open mics and poetry slams a thousand times. Then I was like, I want to be angry. So I was all ready to do I Am because it is a list poem and I can do it without looking at my book except for the ending. But I get in front of the crowd and I snap. “I was going to say this love poem but now I won’t because I am fucking angry at all of you.” I launch into this poem version of Gender Fucked @ UA. I drop the N-word and the S-word in front of a 100% minority crowd. So to get that type of positive reaction blows my mind. I got someone to tell me they will never use the words “fag” or “faggot” ever again. That’s change. That’s the power of my words. And yeah, I will say that. MY FUCKING WORDS MADE CHANGE.
How many of you can say that?
"Hate" High and Mighty Color
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