Wasting away again in....lazyville
Oye vey, I haven't posted in a long time. I feel like I should be dusting in here or something. But I have generally very good news!
I HAVE DECIDED WHAT I'M GOING TO DO FOR A CAREER!!!
One of those, finally the compass is pointing in one direction. Finally I've made a choice. After taking GE 100 in spring quarter (I recommend it for anyone, not just would be engineers), I've decided to follow the educational plan that I made. I've decided to get a Mechanical Engineer Technical degree! Yep, it's one more year of grcc for me, and then off to Eastern Washington University! (I'm sorry to Brandi and all y'all that are going to Western. I wanted to go there, but it turns out that their engineering program is crap. ABET accredited, mind you, but the program itself is still not on its feet). Best part is, I'll only need to do two years at EWU, not three or four. Now if I was going for Aerospace/Aeronautical at the UW, it would be three years. Granted, it would be worth it, but that's not where I want to go. I made it my life's goal to not go to UW a long time ago, and I'm not going back on my word now. I have a strange feeling that later in life, maybe five or more years after I get my METech degree, I'll go back to school for an aerospace degree. Call me weird or whatever, I just think that's what'll happen.
It just feels so good to finally have a direction in life. To finally say, THIS is what I want to do, THIS is where I want to go. It's a liberation that has taken a weight of my chest, a burden from my shoulders. I repeat: IT FEELS GOOD.
What am I gonna do with my METech degree? Bugger if I know. I'll figure that out later when I know what's available and what kind of work in the field I like to do.
As for my mental status, I'm happy (VERY happy) to state that I do believe that I'm ok. I'm no longer wavering, no longer hurting. The battle's been won, and in a way that I really didn't expect. But then, you don't really expect these things, when they come so suddenly. The right words at the right time, and suddenly it dawns on you: Everything that everybody's been saying, everything that you've been trying to tell yourself, that you ARE a good person worthy of love and of being treated properly with respect and attention...it's all true. I never realized much I needed those words from that person until they were said, and like aloe vera on a burn wound, like the cavalry charging in at the turning point of the battle, there was an overwhelming sense of relief....and almost more importantly, release. I may always feel bitter towards Ryan, and I may always feel regret for Bryan, but those pains no longer hang around my neck, weighing my down. I know now, I can love again. I can feel again, and without pain! It's...almost enough to make one cry. I feel slightly akin to Natalie Portman in her role in "V For Vendetta", when she gets out of being tortured and locked in a cell for who knows how long, and walks into the rain, sobbing at the feeling of freedom. "You never know what you've got until it's gone." They should add to that, "And if you get it back, you never want to let it go again."
Does this mean Leah's back in the dating pool? HELL NO. I've got another year here, and then I'm on the other side of the state. And I already know that I don't do long distance very well. I don't want to start any relationships at all, and if I get all the classes that I need to, I honestly won't have time (she says with certainty as she has no idea at all how hard the work load's going to be....only that it's going to be a lot).
So that's it for me. I'm still jobless, which doesn't make me happy, but I don't regret quitting Safeway at all. For all you Buffy The Vampire Slayer fans out there, go to Season 3, to the episode Earshot (or is it Hearshot?). It's towards the very end of the season (heck I think it's on the second to last disc). Watch the end of the episode with the encounter with the lunch lady. See her? See all that pent up anger that mutated into a killing rage? Yeah, that would've been me had I stayed on at Safeway. Do I want a job? Yes. Do I want my old job? Only if they agree to start paying me $30 an hour, no union dues, and I'd never have to close again. yeah, not going to happen any time soon. lol, so I almost don't care, other than the fact that it's going to be around $1000+ for tuition, not including books. I can count on my dad for only so much, the rest is up to me and mom and....*sigh* student loans. Not really what I want to do, but not much of a choice. Ah well, such is life. Anyway, must dash to bed. Sleepy now.
-Luvs~
I HAVE DECIDED WHAT I'M GOING TO DO FOR A CAREER!!!
One of those, finally the compass is pointing in one direction. Finally I've made a choice. After taking GE 100 in spring quarter (I recommend it for anyone, not just would be engineers), I've decided to follow the educational plan that I made. I've decided to get a Mechanical Engineer Technical degree! Yep, it's one more year of grcc for me, and then off to Eastern Washington University! (I'm sorry to Brandi and all y'all that are going to Western. I wanted to go there, but it turns out that their engineering program is crap. ABET accredited, mind you, but the program itself is still not on its feet). Best part is, I'll only need to do two years at EWU, not three or four. Now if I was going for Aerospace/Aeronautical at the UW, it would be three years. Granted, it would be worth it, but that's not where I want to go. I made it my life's goal to not go to UW a long time ago, and I'm not going back on my word now. I have a strange feeling that later in life, maybe five or more years after I get my METech degree, I'll go back to school for an aerospace degree. Call me weird or whatever, I just think that's what'll happen.
It just feels so good to finally have a direction in life. To finally say, THIS is what I want to do, THIS is where I want to go. It's a liberation that has taken a weight of my chest, a burden from my shoulders. I repeat: IT FEELS GOOD.
What am I gonna do with my METech degree? Bugger if I know. I'll figure that out later when I know what's available and what kind of work in the field I like to do.
As for my mental status, I'm happy (VERY happy) to state that I do believe that I'm ok. I'm no longer wavering, no longer hurting. The battle's been won, and in a way that I really didn't expect. But then, you don't really expect these things, when they come so suddenly. The right words at the right time, and suddenly it dawns on you: Everything that everybody's been saying, everything that you've been trying to tell yourself, that you ARE a good person worthy of love and of being treated properly with respect and attention...it's all true. I never realized much I needed those words from that person until they were said, and like aloe vera on a burn wound, like the cavalry charging in at the turning point of the battle, there was an overwhelming sense of relief....and almost more importantly, release. I may always feel bitter towards Ryan, and I may always feel regret for Bryan, but those pains no longer hang around my neck, weighing my down. I know now, I can love again. I can feel again, and without pain! It's...almost enough to make one cry. I feel slightly akin to Natalie Portman in her role in "V For Vendetta", when she gets out of being tortured and locked in a cell for who knows how long, and walks into the rain, sobbing at the feeling of freedom. "You never know what you've got until it's gone." They should add to that, "And if you get it back, you never want to let it go again."
Does this mean Leah's back in the dating pool? HELL NO. I've got another year here, and then I'm on the other side of the state. And I already know that I don't do long distance very well. I don't want to start any relationships at all, and if I get all the classes that I need to, I honestly won't have time (she says with certainty as she has no idea at all how hard the work load's going to be....only that it's going to be a lot).
So that's it for me. I'm still jobless, which doesn't make me happy, but I don't regret quitting Safeway at all. For all you Buffy The Vampire Slayer fans out there, go to Season 3, to the episode Earshot (or is it Hearshot?). It's towards the very end of the season (heck I think it's on the second to last disc). Watch the end of the episode with the encounter with the lunch lady. See her? See all that pent up anger that mutated into a killing rage? Yeah, that would've been me had I stayed on at Safeway. Do I want a job? Yes. Do I want my old job? Only if they agree to start paying me $30 an hour, no union dues, and I'd never have to close again. yeah, not going to happen any time soon. lol, so I almost don't care, other than the fact that it's going to be around $1000+ for tuition, not including books. I can count on my dad for only so much, the rest is up to me and mom and....*sigh* student loans. Not really what I want to do, but not much of a choice. Ah well, such is life. Anyway, must dash to bed. Sleepy now.
-Luvs~