Everyone's a Bit Heretical
A peek into the table talks among Luther and his friends:
Phil Melanchthon: Say, Marty, can I ask you a question?
Marty Luther: Sure!
Phil: Well, you know God the Father in Heaven?
Marty: Uh huh.
Phil: Well, he's God the Father, and Jesus is God the Son.
Marty: Right.
Phil: They're both Gods.
Marty: Yeah.
Phil: Are they two different Gods?
Marty: What?! Phil, I'm surprised at you! I find that heretical!
Phil: Oh, well, I'm sorry! I was just asking!
Marty: Well, it's a touchy subject.
No, all the Trinity is one God.
What are you trying say, huh?
That they all look separate to you?
Huh, huh, huh?
Phil: No, no, no, not at all. I'm sorry,
I guess that was a little heretical.
Marty: I should say so. You should be much more
careful when you're talking about the
sensitive subject of faith.
Phil: Well, look who's talking!
Marty: What do you mean?
Phil: What about that special seminary you told me about?
Marty: What about it?
Phil: Could someone like me go there?
Marty: No, you would screw up the sacraments-
Phil: You see?!
You're a bit heretical.
Marty: Well, you're a little bit too.
Phil: I guess we're both a bit heretical.
Marty: Admitting it is not an easy thing to do...
Phil: But I guess it's true.
Marty: Between me and you,
I think
Both: Everyone's a bit heretical
Sometimes.
Doesn't mean we go
Around admitting all lies.
Get down off your soapbox
No one's really orthodox.
Maybe it's a fact
We all should face
Everyone makes judgments
Based on faith.
Phil: Now not big judgments, like where to worship
or where to attend a Bible study -
Marty: No!
Phil: No, just little judgments like thinking that
some Christians should learn that they cannot save themselves!
Marty: Right!
Both: Everyone's a bit heretical
Today.
So, everyone's a bit heretical
Okay!
Blasphemous jokes might be uncouth,
But you laugh because
They're not real truth.
Don't take them as
Personal attacks.
Everyone enjoys them -
So relax!
Phil: All right, stop me if you've heard this one.
Marty: Okay!
Phil: There's a plan going down and there's only
one parachute. And there's a rabbi, a priest...
Marty: And a pastor!
Johnny Bugenhagen: What you talkin' 'bout Marty?
Marty: Uh...
Johnny: You were telling a minister joke!
Phil: Well, sure, Johnny, but lots of people tell minister jokes.
Johnny: I don't.
Phil: Well, of course you don't - you're a pastor!
But I bet you tell parishioner jokes, right?
Johnny: Well, sure I do. Those foolish parishioners!
Phil: Now, don't you think that's a little heretical?
Johnny: Well, darn, I guess you're right.
Marty: You're a bit heretical.
Johnny: Well, you're a little bit too.
Phil: We're all a bit heretical.
Johnny: I think that I would
Have to agree with you.
Phil/Marty: We're glad you do.
Johnny: It's sad but true!
Everyone's a bit heretical-
All right!
Marty: All right!
Phil: All right!
Johnny: All right!
Blasphemy has never been
Exclusively lay
All: If we all could just admit
That we're heretical a bit,
Even though we all know
That it's wrong,
Maybe it would help us
Get along.
Phil: Oh, Christ do I feel good.
Johnny: Now there was a fine upstanding dead man!
Phil: Who?
Johnny: Jesus Christ.
Marty: But, Johnny, Jesus is alive.
Johnny: No, Jesus is dead.
Marty: No, Jesus is alive.
Johnny: No, I'm pretty sure that Jesus is died-
Phil: Guys, guys...Jesus has been raised!
Caspar Cruciger: Hey guys, what are you laughing about?
Johnny: Heresies!
Caspar: Cool.
Justus Jonas: Caspar! Thanks for the invite!
What d'you think about theotokos?
Phil: What's that mean?
Caspar: Well, God bearer.
Hey, don't laugh at him!
Regarding Mary, how do you speak?
Marty: Oh, come off it, Caspar!
Everyone's a bit heretical.
Caspar: I'm not!
Phil: Oh no?
Caspar: Nope!
What ways to speak of Mary
Do you know?
Justus: What? Caspar!
Phil: Caspar, buddy, where'd you learn?
We all know Mary bore God's own son!
Justus: I know you were not
Intending to be
But thinking I don't know Mary is
Offensive to me!
Caspar: I'm sorry, Justus, I forgot.
Justus: And I forgive.
Caspar: But you're heretical, too.
Justus: Yes, I know.
The Catholics use all
Their tradition
And the Lutherans use all
The Bible.
And I'm always debating
With pope who is not humble!
Phil: Me too!
Marty: Me too!
Johnny: I can't even get a debate!
All: Everyone's a bit heretical
It's true.
But everyone is just as much
A heretic as you!
If we all could just admit
That we're heretical a little bit,
And everyone stopped being
So PC
Maybe we could live in -
Harmony!
Justus: Everyone's a little heretical!
© 2010. Julie Scheibel. All rights reserved.