FIC- BTVS (Xander/Willow)
Title: Say Nothing
Rating: pg13
Word Count: 1,402
Summary: If you don't get the fairy tale ending with the love of your life, what then?
Disclaimer: I own nothing
It’s three days after they’ve saved the world when it all finally catches up to him. That she’s actually gone and no matter how much he had prepared himself that they wouldn’t make it through the battle undamaged, she is not there anymore and he’ll never see her smile again.
It’s past midnight when he finally realizes all this, and they’re driving somewhere between New Mexico and Arizona, sleeping in the desert (the only surefire place to not be caught by any vamps) when he wakes up in a cold sweat. He staggers out of sight, wretching as he goes past the bus, and finally making it out of earshot of the camp to finally get sick. He pukes his guts out, until he’s spitting up blood and finally left to just bawling, screaming his anger and grief to the heavens…where he hopes she is.
“Xander? Honey?” He can’t even turn to look at his best friend, it hurts too much to move.
“She’s gone, Willow- Anya, she’s gone. She made it right to the end, and they…and she…Willow, it’s not fa-”
He’s hiccupping out the words, crying like he did when he found out there was no Santa Claus, and is a completely trembling mess when Willow cradles his head onto her lap. “Shh, shh,” she soothes against his forehead, smoothing back his hair like he’s a child. “I know, honey, I know.”
He pulls back, finally embarrassed. They’re not six years old anymore, and he’s taken upon himself to be a man for some time now. “I’m okay, Willow. Just let me alone for a while.”
She reaches for him again. “How can I leave you now, Xander? Not when I know how bad you’re hurting?” She smiles bravely, but her pretty brown eyes still brim with tears and it’s all it takes for him to lose it again.
They fall back together, as natural as they’ve ever been. She can’t make it stop hurting, but Xander knows he just might survive if Willow holds him for a little while longer.
* * *
Things were awkward for about a week afterwards. She has to admit it’s ironic, considering how many times in her adolescence she pictured having sex with Xander for the first time. Never in a million years did she think it would be twisting and turning on the desert sand, way after she’d decided to put men behind her for good. He seemed to get a little stronger each day though, and she certainly couldn’t regret anything that might have helped Xander heal a little.
She didn’t tell Kennedy. It would never happen again, and there was so much going on, trying to find the other slayers and making sure that The One hadn’t left any traces in the world. There was no sense in adding drama where it wasn’t necessary.
It’s seven weeks after they saved the world when Willow starts throwing up.
She hasn’t exactly been paying attention to her cycle, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist (or a goddess, for that matter) to figure out what happened. Like she has with everything since she was sixteen years old, Willow tells Buffy first. Willow’s a little worried at how Buffy will take it- this is not going to be an easy lifestyle to drag a pregnant woman around, and out of all of them, Buffy has to think of the greater good. No matter if they have been best friends for seven years.
Buffy’s amazingly supportive and offers to sit with her when she has to tell Kennedy. She does not offer to help tell Xander. Willow would love that more than anything, but she knows she owes Kennedy the respect of telling her without an audience.
She reacts pretty much how Willow expected her to. Walks away without a word, and the next morning, Kennedy takes off to find Faith and Robin in South America.
It hurts a little, but after everything Willow has been through (and everything she‘s going to have to face in the next seven months) she can’t really think about it.
And she still needs to tell Xander.
* * *
If there was anything he did not expect in his life, it was that when he finally became a dad, Willow would be his child’s mother. Well, okay, he sort of expected it when they were four and she was the only girl he would share macaroni and cheese with, but there had been a considerable amount of water under the bridge since then.
If he’s totally honest with himself, the first words that ran through his head were Oh. Shit.
She was already over two months along, and he knew in a second’s time that Willow was having this baby, there was no other option for her. When Willow loved, she loved with her whole heart, and this baby was going to have one helluva mom.
“Take all the time you need to think about this, I’ve had a couple of weeks after all,” she’d generously offered.
He wanted to run screaming for the hills, if only because he had to let out one good scream. How could he be a dad? He’d just recently learned how to be a grown up and the only person who ever trusted him to take care of her was…He’d failed her.
So, a little tiny person? A little part of him and Willow who would totally count on him for protection? How was he supposed to handle that?
He spent a long time walking around and it was well past dark when he found his way back to the bus. They were driving across Nebraska now. Willow was waiting up for him, and she smiled and he realized that she trusted him.
With that kind of faith, he knew he would be okay.
* *
Xander is great through her second trimester. He actually is able to find Jax and grape soda no matter what city they’re in or what time of night it is, and knows just how to help her onto the bus, from behind, to help with her back pain.
It’s all about her now. He’s always making sure she’s sleeping enough, that she’s comfortable, that her hunger is completely satisfied. They talk about names and baby plans- he’s convinced that the baby is a boy, and though he knows Willow knows what it is, she coyly keeps it to herself. They’ve kept odd hours for years with patrolling and saving the world, so he stays up with her whenever she’s restless, trading funny old stories of their past. There’s never been anything they can’t talk about.
But there are two things they never mention now- two people. She knows that this is something he’d planned with Anya, and in some ways it makes him almost feel like he’s being unfaithful, and as for her…God, if Tara had lived…Willow doesn’t know if she’d ever know this feeling, this love for a life growing inside of her.
Though she’s ashamed to even think it, Willow can’t help but wonder if that’s part of the reason Tara had to go.
* * *
She’s born in early March, a Pisces, an adorable pudgy redhead with enormous dark eyes and long, curly eyelashes. They name her Taran, it seems the natural choice.
Giles actually manages to get them to a real hospital with doctors and nurses and epidurals in time, and it was a good thing, too, because no matter how much Goddess power Willow had preached about over the past few months, she was screaming for drugs, and so was Xander, if only to alleviate his panic.
When it was all over, when Buffy and Dawn left Willow’s room after cooing over Taran, Xander finally settled their daughter into Willow’s arms and crawled into her hospital bed with his little family.
They had spent so much precious time getting from four-year-olds sharing macaroni-and-cheese to being parents, but Xander knew that somewhere, in his heart, he must have always known that this would happen. Well, maybe not this exactly, but as he looked down at his daughter , spitting image of her mother, he knew that the strongest, best thing in his life would help him to take care of the most precious gift they had ever received.
And somewhere, on a higher plane (he just knew it), Taran was being looked after by two very special angels.
Rating: pg13
Word Count: 1,402
Summary: If you don't get the fairy tale ending with the love of your life, what then?
Disclaimer: I own nothing
It’s three days after they’ve saved the world when it all finally catches up to him. That she’s actually gone and no matter how much he had prepared himself that they wouldn’t make it through the battle undamaged, she is not there anymore and he’ll never see her smile again.
It’s past midnight when he finally realizes all this, and they’re driving somewhere between New Mexico and Arizona, sleeping in the desert (the only surefire place to not be caught by any vamps) when he wakes up in a cold sweat. He staggers out of sight, wretching as he goes past the bus, and finally making it out of earshot of the camp to finally get sick. He pukes his guts out, until he’s spitting up blood and finally left to just bawling, screaming his anger and grief to the heavens…where he hopes she is.
“Xander? Honey?” He can’t even turn to look at his best friend, it hurts too much to move.
“She’s gone, Willow- Anya, she’s gone. She made it right to the end, and they…and she…Willow, it’s not fa-”
He’s hiccupping out the words, crying like he did when he found out there was no Santa Claus, and is a completely trembling mess when Willow cradles his head onto her lap. “Shh, shh,” she soothes against his forehead, smoothing back his hair like he’s a child. “I know, honey, I know.”
He pulls back, finally embarrassed. They’re not six years old anymore, and he’s taken upon himself to be a man for some time now. “I’m okay, Willow. Just let me alone for a while.”
She reaches for him again. “How can I leave you now, Xander? Not when I know how bad you’re hurting?” She smiles bravely, but her pretty brown eyes still brim with tears and it’s all it takes for him to lose it again.
They fall back together, as natural as they’ve ever been. She can’t make it stop hurting, but Xander knows he just might survive if Willow holds him for a little while longer.
* * *
Things were awkward for about a week afterwards. She has to admit it’s ironic, considering how many times in her adolescence she pictured having sex with Xander for the first time. Never in a million years did she think it would be twisting and turning on the desert sand, way after she’d decided to put men behind her for good. He seemed to get a little stronger each day though, and she certainly couldn’t regret anything that might have helped Xander heal a little.
She didn’t tell Kennedy. It would never happen again, and there was so much going on, trying to find the other slayers and making sure that The One hadn’t left any traces in the world. There was no sense in adding drama where it wasn’t necessary.
It’s seven weeks after they saved the world when Willow starts throwing up.
She hasn’t exactly been paying attention to her cycle, but it doesn’t take a rocket scientist (or a goddess, for that matter) to figure out what happened. Like she has with everything since she was sixteen years old, Willow tells Buffy first. Willow’s a little worried at how Buffy will take it- this is not going to be an easy lifestyle to drag a pregnant woman around, and out of all of them, Buffy has to think of the greater good. No matter if they have been best friends for seven years.
Buffy’s amazingly supportive and offers to sit with her when she has to tell Kennedy. She does not offer to help tell Xander. Willow would love that more than anything, but she knows she owes Kennedy the respect of telling her without an audience.
She reacts pretty much how Willow expected her to. Walks away without a word, and the next morning, Kennedy takes off to find Faith and Robin in South America.
It hurts a little, but after everything Willow has been through (and everything she‘s going to have to face in the next seven months) she can’t really think about it.
And she still needs to tell Xander.
* * *
If there was anything he did not expect in his life, it was that when he finally became a dad, Willow would be his child’s mother. Well, okay, he sort of expected it when they were four and she was the only girl he would share macaroni and cheese with, but there had been a considerable amount of water under the bridge since then.
If he’s totally honest with himself, the first words that ran through his head were Oh. Shit.
She was already over two months along, and he knew in a second’s time that Willow was having this baby, there was no other option for her. When Willow loved, she loved with her whole heart, and this baby was going to have one helluva mom.
“Take all the time you need to think about this, I’ve had a couple of weeks after all,” she’d generously offered.
He wanted to run screaming for the hills, if only because he had to let out one good scream. How could he be a dad? He’d just recently learned how to be a grown up and the only person who ever trusted him to take care of her was…He’d failed her.
So, a little tiny person? A little part of him and Willow who would totally count on him for protection? How was he supposed to handle that?
He spent a long time walking around and it was well past dark when he found his way back to the bus. They were driving across Nebraska now. Willow was waiting up for him, and she smiled and he realized that she trusted him.
With that kind of faith, he knew he would be okay.
* *
Xander is great through her second trimester. He actually is able to find Jax and grape soda no matter what city they’re in or what time of night it is, and knows just how to help her onto the bus, from behind, to help with her back pain.
It’s all about her now. He’s always making sure she’s sleeping enough, that she’s comfortable, that her hunger is completely satisfied. They talk about names and baby plans- he’s convinced that the baby is a boy, and though he knows Willow knows what it is, she coyly keeps it to herself. They’ve kept odd hours for years with patrolling and saving the world, so he stays up with her whenever she’s restless, trading funny old stories of their past. There’s never been anything they can’t talk about.
But there are two things they never mention now- two people. She knows that this is something he’d planned with Anya, and in some ways it makes him almost feel like he’s being unfaithful, and as for her…God, if Tara had lived…Willow doesn’t know if she’d ever know this feeling, this love for a life growing inside of her.
Though she’s ashamed to even think it, Willow can’t help but wonder if that’s part of the reason Tara had to go.
* * *
She’s born in early March, a Pisces, an adorable pudgy redhead with enormous dark eyes and long, curly eyelashes. They name her Taran, it seems the natural choice.
Giles actually manages to get them to a real hospital with doctors and nurses and epidurals in time, and it was a good thing, too, because no matter how much Goddess power Willow had preached about over the past few months, she was screaming for drugs, and so was Xander, if only to alleviate his panic.
When it was all over, when Buffy and Dawn left Willow’s room after cooing over Taran, Xander finally settled their daughter into Willow’s arms and crawled into her hospital bed with his little family.
They had spent so much precious time getting from four-year-olds sharing macaroni-and-cheese to being parents, but Xander knew that somewhere, in his heart, he must have always known that this would happen. Well, maybe not this exactly, but as he looked down at his daughter , spitting image of her mother, he knew that the strongest, best thing in his life would help him to take care of the most precious gift they had ever received.
And somewhere, on a higher plane (he just knew it), Taran was being looked after by two very special angels.