(no subject)
So how you all doin? haven't been doing much. Literally. Been sitting on my ass and staring outside at the rain and just recently hail. I hate getting wet. But as you all know, I'm applying for RA. I got my papers in, and I just need to go to an interview and a group session before they determine if I can become one. Well, I hope they get past my resume first. Or at least, i hope my grades pass. I need a 2.5 average to be an RA, and so far my grades aren't that good. I really need the grades from this year to boost them up. I hope they are doing ok so far.
Lately classes have been more and more annoying. I'm getting on my own nerves. I just can't seem to handle anything right. Like you all said, I should have gone and found a fellowship. A group of buddies who will be there and support me. Of course, the best fellowship would be for the guys on my floor to be supportive and stuff. Cus a fellowship outside my hall, to me, is a bit far away. And if that is what is called a fellowship, I have one. My martial arts club could count as my fellowship. But I haven't been going this week. Really been bummed out and i needed to catch up on my work. haven't been doing so great in classes so far. I am really starting to doubt my own future. I just can't see myself fit for any career in any direction. Other than leeching off other people, building on what others start, or starting things I can't finish, I just don't seeem to have what it takes.
Of course we all know we all have the potential and crap in ourselves, and I know I could say all the mumbo jumbo I say to everyone. Don't give up, your friends are all around you, just reach out and ask for help. but knowing myself, I'd rather die in my own pride than reach out and get saved. Pride is the worst thing every. Imagine how much better the world would be in no one had pride. Shyness is sometimes covered up by pride, or used as an excuse for pride, but overall, it is pride that kills me.
anyways, i need to go out and be with people. just hanging out with people make me feel better. Until i leave, then i need good thoughts to keep me going. I can say that I bumm myself out so much, it's not funny. I know I have potential, it's just me holding myself back. You know how people say it's best for people to figure things out by themselves? I believe, that at certain points, you will need someone to pull you through. You may not appreciate them for it, you may not acknowledge them for it, but you got through it. With that, you know that if you are in trouble, someone will be there. It's a trust thing. Standing on the sidelines, waiting for the person in trouble to cry out may be too late. So sometimes taking action and helping is better than waiting.
So, in conclusion to my uplifting rant, I challange you all to do this. Just pick up your phone book, check your IM list, or think of someone you haven't talked to in a while, and go talk with them. Ask them how they have been. Just reconnect with them. check in with your old friend and let them know they are not alone. Then talk to a good friend, spill out your heart, and let them know you trust them with it. Letting old friends know you are there for them, letting close friends know you trust them. Thats what I challage you to do.
Lately classes have been more and more annoying. I'm getting on my own nerves. I just can't seem to handle anything right. Like you all said, I should have gone and found a fellowship. A group of buddies who will be there and support me. Of course, the best fellowship would be for the guys on my floor to be supportive and stuff. Cus a fellowship outside my hall, to me, is a bit far away. And if that is what is called a fellowship, I have one. My martial arts club could count as my fellowship. But I haven't been going this week. Really been bummed out and i needed to catch up on my work. haven't been doing so great in classes so far. I am really starting to doubt my own future. I just can't see myself fit for any career in any direction. Other than leeching off other people, building on what others start, or starting things I can't finish, I just don't seeem to have what it takes.
Of course we all know we all have the potential and crap in ourselves, and I know I could say all the mumbo jumbo I say to everyone. Don't give up, your friends are all around you, just reach out and ask for help. but knowing myself, I'd rather die in my own pride than reach out and get saved. Pride is the worst thing every. Imagine how much better the world would be in no one had pride. Shyness is sometimes covered up by pride, or used as an excuse for pride, but overall, it is pride that kills me.
anyways, i need to go out and be with people. just hanging out with people make me feel better. Until i leave, then i need good thoughts to keep me going. I can say that I bumm myself out so much, it's not funny. I know I have potential, it's just me holding myself back. You know how people say it's best for people to figure things out by themselves? I believe, that at certain points, you will need someone to pull you through. You may not appreciate them for it, you may not acknowledge them for it, but you got through it. With that, you know that if you are in trouble, someone will be there. It's a trust thing. Standing on the sidelines, waiting for the person in trouble to cry out may be too late. So sometimes taking action and helping is better than waiting.
So, in conclusion to my uplifting rant, I challange you all to do this. Just pick up your phone book, check your IM list, or think of someone you haven't talked to in a while, and go talk with them. Ask them how they have been. Just reconnect with them. check in with your old friend and let them know they are not alone. Then talk to a good friend, spill out your heart, and let them know you trust them with it. Letting old friends know you are there for them, letting close friends know you trust them. Thats what I challage you to do.