SAD

[leo9]

I have been feeling inexplicably depressed lately. I wake up in the morning and feel tired and disoriented. I haven’t gotten to the point where I call out sick from work from feeling depressed, but I don’t look forward to the day. I console myself with the possibility of a nap at lunch time (which I never take, but somehow helps me get out of bed

Comments

[phaephae]

Yo Erin,

I'm so sorry to hear this :( I've always thought of you as someone who really tries hard to grab life by the cajones and gets as many good times out of it as possible, and I think you've been one of the people who has always been a good example to me in that regard. Without really knowing everything that's going on in your life, what stands out to me is maybe you're largely in the rut I was in with my last job - unfulfilledness. I definitely started having a hard time getting outta bed in the morning/going into work, and I started showing up to work late a lot (which I think was my subconscious trying it's hardest to divert me from going in at all.)

That whole aspect of my life only really started to feel "settled" once I did some soul-searching, and came to the conclusion that I really wanna be a web developer and entrepreneur. So now I'd say that of course, I don't feel great about being unemployed, but I'm cool with doing some "day job" while I finish my degree and I'm hopeful and excited about my future plans. So I guess long story short, maybe you just need to figure out what you want your plan to be.

I'd also *highly* recommend a book called "Man's Search for Meaning" - it was written by a guy who survived Auschwitz, and went on to become a famous psychologist who specialized in existential depression. It seriously changed my life.

Anyway, hope that good times are ahead for you homie. :)

[leo9]

I do try to grab life by the cojones and live as well and fun as I can. But I still have hurdles to get over. There is a certain amount of feeling unfulfilled in various areas of my life.

I have not yet figured out the perfect career path or anything. I have a degree in graphic design, but I don't feel very inspired to create anything. I like working with people, which is probably why I am so good at Customer Support type jobs, and I have a lot of patience. I am pretty burned out on working with kids, so I am highly unlikely to return to that field.

I am still working out what I wanna be when I grow up I guess, but with the added pressure of actually pretty much being a grown-up. I am 34 now... I am fairly certain I will not have kids, partly because of a lack of desire but also because I am getting too old.

There are good times, and there are plenty of good things. I like where I live, I get to spend time with my mom, I really enjoy karaoke, and I have been going on hikes with my roommate, and I have been hanging out with a bunch of like minded individuals at various venues. I still get to see my Blizz peeps when I make some efforts, and I am always trying to make sure I have plans.

When I start feeling down, I try to find ways to trick myself out of it. It's not soul crushing like it used to be, thankfully. :) That's one of the good things about having turned 30... my brain sorta slotted into a more reasonable frame and I haven't felt so hormotional... :D

[phaephae]

Yeah, I don't mean to give you an advice you might have already figured out on your own - but for me, I had to figure out "what am I good at and like doing (that you can actually get paid to do)." For the last few years I thought about trying to go to law school because it seemed like what I "should" do, but at the end of the day I wasn't very excited about it at all.. and I couldn't imagine my spending my free time reading cases/doing all the stuff you have to do to be a good lawyer.

So maybe deep down you're not meant to be a graphic designer or anything, but my guess is that your ideal job is probably people-related somehow. And I was kinda thinking that maybe if you like helping peeps, but don't wanna deal with kidlets anymore, you could be a social worker or something. I think you're probably nice+tough enough. Just spit-balling though. It definitely takes a lot of taking stock of yourself and your skills to figure this shit out.

I totally know what you mean about feeling like your brain has settled down a lot. I read that the decision-making and planning portions of your brain finally stop developing around the time you turn 28. And I definitely felt life got a *lot* easier around then.

I'm glad you at least have your friends and hobbies situation sorted out. I wish we lived closer, I definitely could use some more good homies myself ;(

[leo9]

we should try to hang out soon.. I know money can be an issue, but we can figure something out. I may have more free time now.....

[phaephae]

we should try to hang out soon.. I know money can be an issue, but we can figure something out. I may have more free time now.....

werd. well just a thought, but if you'd be down, might be fun to take a train ride down here and we could do a SD-tourism day. There's lots of stuff I probably *should* have done by now, but have just kinda put off since I live here ;P~

[leo9]

Hell yeah! That would be great. We can look at scheduling and such and I will try to find out about train fare. Depending on scheduling, would you have a place for me to crash overnight? You have mentioned dancing and such, and I am pretty sure the train doesn't run that late at night haha... :)