I am still awake
Okay, this is really depressing, but weighing on my mind to some degree...
I have been experiencing a fatigue that seems to be defined by loneliness. Mostly, I have felt fairly neutral about being single, but every once in a while I kinda like someone (no names for today.. if you know me, then you know who [muahahahaha]) and get to wishing I were not so single. I felt like cuddling with someone last night, but have nobody to cuddle with.
I spent the night at a friend's house recently, and for lack of anywhere else to sleep, slept in his bed with him [PLATONIC]. I do not feel inclined to cuddle with this friend, no matter how cute he is. I wonder what (if any) effect this has on him. Probably none. Very platonic, and that is not bad, but I still feel lonely...
I feel like I have been standing on my own and just want to lean back and relax with someone's arm around me, and not worry about anything. At the same time, I watch the stupid problems couples I know have. So, who knows? Maybe 'tis better this way. Maybe some of my friends are right in their philosophy of not falling in love. But I don't think they are happy. I think they are just cynical, but don't wanna say it. I sure as hell know I feel cynical, but I also know I am being so. Only certain people get to hear that, and others just guess at it.
But what is happiness?
I have been feeling on the verge of horrible empty raging depression for about a week... maybe longer.
I need a hug; a really good hug. I realize I have not had a good hug for a really long time. From someone I feel safe and comfy with, who does not expect anything from me, who does not have ulterior motives, someone who will just hug me like they mean it. So I can just fall into that ring of support, for just a little while, even a few minutes. I feel like I have been standing for a long time, with no chance to rest and even supporting others. I just need a rest, a chance to have someone to lean on, instead of holding others up. I guess nobody has asked me to support them, I just sorta move in and do, and they take me up on it. I guess this is a self-imposed tiredness. But they really looked like they needed. Sometimes I wish I would meet me, and hug me. Becuase I am a good hugger. Don't believe me? well, try it next time you see me.. blah.. that is enough of this.. I think I will go to bed now. it is almost 4am. Thanks for listenin' folks......
I have been experiencing a fatigue that seems to be defined by loneliness. Mostly, I have felt fairly neutral about being single, but every once in a while I kinda like someone (no names for today.. if you know me, then you know who [muahahahaha]) and get to wishing I were not so single. I felt like cuddling with someone last night, but have nobody to cuddle with.
I spent the night at a friend's house recently, and for lack of anywhere else to sleep, slept in his bed with him [PLATONIC]. I do not feel inclined to cuddle with this friend, no matter how cute he is. I wonder what (if any) effect this has on him. Probably none. Very platonic, and that is not bad, but I still feel lonely...
I feel like I have been standing on my own and just want to lean back and relax with someone's arm around me, and not worry about anything. At the same time, I watch the stupid problems couples I know have. So, who knows? Maybe 'tis better this way. Maybe some of my friends are right in their philosophy of not falling in love. But I don't think they are happy. I think they are just cynical, but don't wanna say it. I sure as hell know I feel cynical, but I also know I am being so. Only certain people get to hear that, and others just guess at it.
But what is happiness?
I have been feeling on the verge of horrible empty raging depression for about a week... maybe longer.
I need a hug; a really good hug. I realize I have not had a good hug for a really long time. From someone I feel safe and comfy with, who does not expect anything from me, who does not have ulterior motives, someone who will just hug me like they mean it. So I can just fall into that ring of support, for just a little while, even a few minutes. I feel like I have been standing for a long time, with no chance to rest and even supporting others. I just need a rest, a chance to have someone to lean on, instead of holding others up. I guess nobody has asked me to support them, I just sorta move in and do, and they take me up on it. I guess this is a self-imposed tiredness. But they really looked like they needed. Sometimes I wish I would meet me, and hug me. Becuase I am a good hugger. Don't believe me? well, try it next time you see me.. blah.. that is enough of this.. I think I will go to bed now. it is almost 4am. Thanks for listenin' folks......