College and it's stuff...
Ok, so lately I've been asked to do a lot of stuff and when I say a lot I mean everything from singing the national anthem at the varsity girls soccer game to taking care of my teachers dogs in Novemeber, she asked me today after a class. She said she would pay me so yeah, I'm pshhh...of course.
Anywho, I'm a little tired but it's kind of hard to sleep when Monica is watching the Lion King in my dorm ^_^ It's all good, we all had fun. By we all, I mean Tim, Monica, Amber and Pam, friends from my college, my roomy is out and so I had them over, Pam left and I just walked Tim to the door. I hope he would stay, but oh well. We had a lot of fun, playing twister, scrabble, truth or truth [our version of truth or dare :-p], watching certain things on the internet...yeah it was fun.
Anywho, going back with school, I still hate my spanish teacher and he still hates me so it's a mutual thing, but a side from that, and getting a butt load of music to learn for voice lessons, string techniques and other music classes, it's all going well in that department.
I've been getting very pensive lately, and even tonight. Well that's a different matter, but I can't help but think about certain things, things like well, not things really I guess, mostly people. I've been making friends and all, I never have trouble making friends, or opening up to them in general, but...I don't know. I feel like I want to get closer to people, but I can't.
I was once told that, I'm a very deep person, and I really am, there are so many layers to me, most people only get so far with me, and then there are those I truly care about, the ones I want to share even more with. Some I have been able to do just that, and with others, I feel like no matter how much I try, it's like they...I don't want to say don't care, because that's not it, I know they do, but they just stay in one level with me, and don't bother to delve any further.
Like I said, I've been feeling really reflective lately and I've been really observing my surounding and the people around me, especially my friends. Mostly because I want to get closer to them and fully understand everything. I just don't know what else to do sometimes, I try and then...It's like I'm grasping on to something, but no matter how hard/close I try to hold it to me, I can't get a truly good grasp on it, as much as I want to. I'm still holding it, but I want...I wish to hold it so much more closer. It's like a yearn to build something.
Looking back I realize, I've never really had someone to call my best friend before, no child hood friends, no friends that I've had to cry on their shoulders, no one to really be constantly by my side, so that when things do go bad, I can turn to them and know that just because they are there, everything will be fine. Sure my friends have cried on my shoulders, shared their worries with me, and I've reashured them, but they always move on. I've always had to be the one to smile at them and hide my own true feelings, I've had to stand up strong, never faltering or showing weakness, especially with me being a female hispanic.
At time I truly think that I am just that, a bridge. I've been called that before, and the more I think about it, it really is true. I feel like I'm just a bridge to people, strong a sturdy, helping them get from one place to another, but they never really stay for long...I've had some of my friends thank me for being there, but they always move along. Never realizing that, my smiles are sometimes a mask, my strength at times falters, and that I get tired of people. Tired of being passed over, and not having anyone to do the same thing for me that I do for them...now I'm being selfish, but I can't help it.
Alright I'll shut up, before I get really psychological on you guys, ok, just ignore what I said, I've been thinking too much. Good night guys.
Anywho, I'm a little tired but it's kind of hard to sleep when Monica is watching the Lion King in my dorm ^_^ It's all good, we all had fun. By we all, I mean Tim, Monica, Amber and Pam, friends from my college, my roomy is out and so I had them over, Pam left and I just walked Tim to the door. I hope he would stay, but oh well. We had a lot of fun, playing twister, scrabble, truth or truth [our version of truth or dare :-p], watching certain things on the internet...yeah it was fun.
Anywho, going back with school, I still hate my spanish teacher and he still hates me so it's a mutual thing, but a side from that, and getting a butt load of music to learn for voice lessons, string techniques and other music classes, it's all going well in that department.
I've been getting very pensive lately, and even tonight. Well that's a different matter, but I can't help but think about certain things, things like well, not things really I guess, mostly people. I've been making friends and all, I never have trouble making friends, or opening up to them in general, but...I don't know. I feel like I want to get closer to people, but I can't.
I was once told that, I'm a very deep person, and I really am, there are so many layers to me, most people only get so far with me, and then there are those I truly care about, the ones I want to share even more with. Some I have been able to do just that, and with others, I feel like no matter how much I try, it's like they...I don't want to say don't care, because that's not it, I know they do, but they just stay in one level with me, and don't bother to delve any further.
Like I said, I've been feeling really reflective lately and I've been really observing my surounding and the people around me, especially my friends. Mostly because I want to get closer to them and fully understand everything. I just don't know what else to do sometimes, I try and then...It's like I'm grasping on to something, but no matter how hard/close I try to hold it to me, I can't get a truly good grasp on it, as much as I want to. I'm still holding it, but I want...I wish to hold it so much more closer. It's like a yearn to build something.
Looking back I realize, I've never really had someone to call my best friend before, no child hood friends, no friends that I've had to cry on their shoulders, no one to really be constantly by my side, so that when things do go bad, I can turn to them and know that just because they are there, everything will be fine. Sure my friends have cried on my shoulders, shared their worries with me, and I've reashured them, but they always move on. I've always had to be the one to smile at them and hide my own true feelings, I've had to stand up strong, never faltering or showing weakness, especially with me being a female hispanic.
At time I truly think that I am just that, a bridge. I've been called that before, and the more I think about it, it really is true. I feel like I'm just a bridge to people, strong a sturdy, helping them get from one place to another, but they never really stay for long...I've had some of my friends thank me for being there, but they always move along. Never realizing that, my smiles are sometimes a mask, my strength at times falters, and that I get tired of people. Tired of being passed over, and not having anyone to do the same thing for me that I do for them...now I'm being selfish, but I can't help it.
Alright I'll shut up, before I get really psychological on you guys, ok, just ignore what I said, I've been thinking too much. Good night guys.